Quick Sand

Jagged ends.

your foes or friends?

there's alot of clouds today.

Black nor white,

it isnt right,

but theres some shade of gray.

Your lost in your mind,

left behind,

no one to hold your hand.

You fall in deep,

you think your asleep,

life sometimes feels like quick sand.

 

Very interresting.

 

I like it, but I don't think the last line keeps the pace and syllables with the rest of the work. Even though sand keeps the rhyme scheme... Re-reading the whole beginning flows really nice, but the last 4 lines seem like the piece was finished abruptly, it just doesn't have the depth of language or imagery.

 

this is just how i felt one night, i dont usually write poems.

 

I liked this and the last line. Although I wish you would have elaborated on the quicksand metaphor as in...how would it feel if you -really- were in quicksand, adding more visual things.