doing good things for people who don't deserve it

my childhood friend of 18 years, he grew up in a home that was falling apart, smelled horrible, and his parents negleted him and taught him nothing useful. but we were great buds even though hes always been a liar. a year and a half ago he moved into my house and paid us rent, but the lies quickly turned to theft, and i suspected him of stealing money and pills from me and my dad. then i actually caught him - he stole my ipod that i thought i'd lost - i performed an exhaustive investigation and basically proved that he stole it and it could not havebeen an accident. he followed this up with more lies that fell flat. my dad wanted him out because he never did any chores and couldnt even clean up after himself. so he told him to leave, and he left in a month and went to live with family in ohio.

my boss, who also was my friend's boss for a time, told me that people in CT might put up with his bullshit but those folks out there in ohio wouldn't stand for it. and it seems he hit the nail on the head! just six months in ohio and he wants back in CT. and with that, he needs me to pick him up at the airport almost two hours away. he's just apartment hunting so i'd need to drop him off too. it's sad, for months i've been waiting for him to ask me for a favor so that i can throw it back in his face, and all i can do now is just ask him for gas money. $60. its still a favor, because of the time wasted. i'm so conflicted though, this is my friend of so many years and although hes a bad person he is one of my closest friends. then again, he did steal from me and use me for me car for awhile. my dad wont let him stay in my house, and my boss is going to turn him down too. everyone turns him down but me, cus im a sucker. or i just recognize that sometimes you have to do good things for people who dont deserve it.

 

eveyone deserves something good we are all human beings

 

Your friend is best served if he's surrounded by people who won't put up with his B.S. Offering sanctuary from those who insist that he measure up to a reasonable standard will just make it comfortable for him to be a liar and a thief. He stole from you and lied to you. How much does your FRIENDSHIP mean to him? Clearly he doesn't respect you enough to be straight when confronted. You'll be doing him a big favor in the long run if you let his ass sit in Ohio. Is it worth endangering your relationship with your dad to bring what has proven to be a negative influence into your home?

If you really consider yourself to be his friend show some tough love. People like that latch onto "suckers"- they play up the friendship angle and pump it for all it's worth. You are offering him sanctuary from his own shit. He desperately needs to deal with it himself.

 

I know just how you feel. I'm friends with these three guys who keep walking all over me, and always have done... But I've known them for so long and I'm not the kind of person to tell them off, or tell them no. I figure: at least I tried.

Karma will do as karma does.

 

doing good things tends to be more about doing the right thing than the nice thing. unless the nice thing is the right thing, then you're good.

 

the nice thing and the right thing are gay with eachother

 

I am the same exact way. I always give people a second, third, fourth chance. I *think* I can tell the difference between someone needing help and someone who is trying to use me, and sometimes I get a backbone and tell them no, but it's hard for me, because I want to help people. I always think, what if it was me? Now if it was someone who was stealing shit from me, I dotn think I would help them out cuz I hate people like that.

 

Maybe I am wrong , but I always do things for people that other people tell me are just using me , or dont deserve it....but , I feel like....I would be a phony if i only picked those that lived lives that met other peoples ideas of proper , or good....and turned a blind eye to the others....Im not God , and I am not FIT to judge others to say if they deserve a bit of kindness or not . So , I just continue to treat others the way i would like to be treated ...and maybe , some of the kindness wll spread around......It would sure be better than some random acts of violence .

 

people are usually pretty good to me. so i'm usally good to people. i know what it's like to have someone just give you a safe space, without asking questions or making demands. but there's a finite limit to the amount of time i can do that. letting someone forever skate by does them no favors. sometimes someone just needs their friend to get in their face and give them hell. shake them up a bit, wake them up a bit. it's not because you don't love them anymore. it's because you do love them. grudges, anger, resentment. it doesn't do anyone any good. especially not yourself. give till you don't feel right giving anymore.

 

ughh story of my life man. i feel ya

 

I had a good friend. She was recovering from opiate addiction and had spent 18 months in jail for robbery and possession. When she got out her baby daddy's family gave her a house to raise the child in. I replaced all the plumbing, a new water heater, hung about 50 sheets of drywall for her. I hired her to do stuff on my jobsites, cleanup, moving things around, minor demolition, and always paid her in cash. She never called me up just to say hi, just when she needed something done around the house. I got tired of it but it's good karma to do things like that.

Then she hooked up with some guy who was abusive and got hooked on crack. She would call me to help her when I knew all she wanted was money for a rock. Finally her boyfriend burned her house down and destroyed her car Friday night. I felt really bad about it but she asked me out for coffee last night and I turned her down.

Sometimes you have to let people hit rock bottom before they wake up and see how far they've fallen. Some people never see even if you show them. You can't help people who have gone this far. They either help themselves or they never get up.

You have to put a limit on how much you let people take advantage of you. You can't balance karma, it balances YOU.