Another...

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by blackheartbitch, Jul 26, 2007.

  1. blackheartbitch

    blackheartbitch Member

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    Another addiction to escape your addiction to love.
    Another mental illness to escape your insanity.
    Another eating disorder to make yourself beautiful.
    Another sex partner to fill your loneliness.
    Another slit to numb your heartache.

    definately not one of my best...tell me what u think. compliments and critisism are welcome
     
  2. nakedundermyclothes

    nakedundermyclothes Member

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    I liked it. Good job!
     
  3. blackheartbitch

    blackheartbitch Member

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  4. redyelruc

    redyelruc The Yard Man

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    Hey BHB, I don't know how you and FMC do it. You both just seem to pump out great ideas and poems at will. I'm jealous. It takes a while for me.


    One criticism......I would drop the words 'to try' from every line. I think it sounds better when read out loud that way.

    Peace,
    Aidan.
     
  5. blackheartbitch

    blackheartbitch Member

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    FMB? ha yea it takes me awhile too but i write better wen im upset thats why most of mine are good but far in between.

    ok ill fix it.
     
  6. redyelruc

    redyelruc The Yard Man

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    I think thats better.


    Peace,
    Aidan
     
  7. Freakymetalchik

    Freakymetalchik BITCH.

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    ive seen better from you, but this ones excellent as well, i dont think ive seen a horrible one from you yet! :)
     
  8. blackheartbitch

    blackheartbitch Member

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    haha really...ive had plenty of bad ones that i simple threw away and started over
     
  9. jim kirby

    jim kirby Member

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