Well here's my relationship and it's problems...

Alright, In a lot of ways before you read this I should warn you this is my first true love and my first real relationship but I also think it's important to tell you that I have a strong conviction about the relationship. I have no doubts about my feelings and what is right. Infact its probably the only thing I have ever been so sure about in my life.

Ok so about 7-8 months ago I met a girl who kind of fell in my lap from the sky and changed me more than I ever thought would happen. I was 16 and she was 15, now I am 17, but back then this girl, who I had no idea lived within a half a mile of me, asked my sister whether she could grab a car pool with us. I had no expectations for this girl, infact I was very much infatuated with a different girl in my carpool, and had hoped she would just be a quiet girl I would only see once and never again. I could not have been more wrong. This girl was crazy, she was like no other girl I had known within our age group. She was intelligent, outspoken, and absolutly beautiful. She was very personable and when she met someone she could create excellent raport with them. She had deep brown eyes and when she spoke to me she would sometimes grab my arm or touch my hand. She had a atmosphere about her that made her easy to speak to.

Now that morning, the 17th of November, when I first met her she managed to change me from the very beginning. After I spent that morning driving her and hearing her talk about herself I began to realize that the other girl I was infatuated with (with whom I had a history of which I do not wish to speak, its long and painful and a different story) was not really worth being miserable over. If there were girls like her out there I could easily move on from her. Still at this point I had not expected anything from this girl yet I did not mean to be involved with her from the start just someone like her. Well later that night I got a random AIM messege from this girl. We began talking and talking and spent what must have been 4-5 hours talking about things. Then at about 2 in the morning she perswaded me to sneak out, something I'd never done. I met her near her house and we went inside and talked more. We found we were quite the oppisites in near everything yet we agreed on so many important things.

From that night we began to spend more and more time together, a week later the moment came when she gave me my first kiss and in that moment everything in the world fell in place for me. Weeks passed, we got closer. Months passed too. She got my virginity and got me more and more comfortable with a side of myself I hadn't known. A side that tried new things and was comfortable being myself. I had not known the feeling. I grew to be stronger in my convictions and my beliefs.

At some point however I lost my old self. I got needy on the feeling she was giving me and began to get paranoid about losing her to another or about not being good enough. I called her so much she began to have to lie to me to keep me from freaking out about who she was with or what she was doing. I was trying to keep her to me and me alone. I forgot about what love was really about. Not about having someone only to yourself but freeing them like she did for me. It got worse and worse because I began to get down on myself and expect her to come around and pick me up and when she didn't I would go look for her and try to make her.

She did what she had to for both of us and broke it off. Right now we are in a limbo between friends and lovers. We are so close, too close for friends but she doesn't want to get hurt nor does she want to see me do to myself what I did. We are giving it time. But everytime we are together, we go back to how we were and we fall in love before we realize it, the very day after we decided to break we had a great time hanging out and at the end she cried because she said she loved me and layed on the ground and pulled me down for three kisses after which she told me I must go. It's been a few weeks since then. Last night she called me in the middle of the night crying because she was worried about her family, her friends and me. I told her we could go for a walk. We ended up spend most of the night and the whole day together and at the end of the day, by the way the day was amazing we were both happy all day, she came up and kissed me. Afterwards she apologized and said she meant not to do it, it just happened.

I have changed I found the part of me I lost, I know that I can make this work. I need to know what your opinions are of the situation. Do you think we are just holding on because we are scared or do we stand a chance? I know I love her and I want whats best, I just need to know whether it would be best to leave or to stay. I hope its the latter I love the time I have with her, there's nothing thats ever made me happier.

Thanks for your time, sorry it was so long.

 

Well it sounds like she is truely sorry for letting you go. But will it happen again? I don't know, trust your best instincts. If I was you I would probably at least try to work it out but try not to get the relationship like it was in the past.

 

you have to learn self control
make yourself a little schedule, put a post it not by your phone reminding you not to call more than once a day. and not to call if youre seeing her that day

my bf is a little clingy, a little more than i like. so ive limited him to not calling on days when we see each other ('less its a really quick informative call), not to call multiple times a day, etc.

figure out when you two see each other. dont make it too often, and let every few times be with a bunch of friends that you go out so that you can enjoy other peoples company and each others. when you go out with others, -speak- to others dont just try and hog her the whole time (another minor peeve of mine, he only speaks to me when were out with my friends save for a couple of them)

as for convincing her to le tyou date again... just ask her. ask her if you can and if you two can go slow. dont see each other too often, dont talk more than once every day or two (a tleast, outside of school/carpooling)... if shes patient enough and you get enough of a grip on your clinginess then itll work out

 

Yeah, it's been something I have been working on in the time apart we have had. It's funny I am a very clingy type and I pick the most independent women. I am getting better though, I can even see it myself. There's times when I can tell if I should call and if I shouldn't. It was about my fear that she had no commitment to me at all but in the past few days and before right after we broke up she showed me she did and that breaking up wasn't easy as I thought it was for her. I am not so worried about her just uprooting and leaving me alone. She has shown me how important I actually am to her. I just wish I would have seen it sooner so we would have skipped what I put us through. I just hope we both have what it takes to work it out.

 

well,I guess you'r gonna have to belive in your relationship and stop doubting!
she actually didn't leave you for more than 2 weeks !
so why not giving it another shot!
most people doesn't wanna take the risk because they are affraid to get hurt again!
well don't be!
just give it a shot!

 

I am crazy about her. I am willing to try again. I just don't know if she is willing to put herself out there. I think I have to prove my ability to be not clingy for a while. I just hope in that amount of time she doesn't meet someone else. That's my only fear right now but I know I can't jump ahead, I have to hold myself back for a while at least.

 

you should really work on the relationship you both sound great for each other but just remember girlfriends are not posessions and enjoy the time you do have with her.