Is it supposed to be harder to make friends as you get older?

last night at 10pm I felt antsy and decided to drive to the city and go to a local indie rock show at a bar, hoping to meet someone - anyone! - just to get back into some kind of circle of friends. I haven't been in one in about three years. I have friends now, but they're all people I know from work and they're scattered all over the place. they've all got kids and families and I'm not really any kind of priority to them.

so anyway, I went to the bar last night and had a good time drinking and listening to music, but I really don't know how you're supposed to meet people in that situation. it was different when I was the same age as all those people and knew some of them, but now it's just weird. now i'm just a guy in the bar by himself and all these kids that all know each other are all squirming around in their own little worlds, and i don't really have anything to say to them, it seems.

I feel like I'm past the point in my life that gets spent with other people. I'm on my own now. which is slightly depressing....

 

what kind of bar are you going to that doesnt have 25 year olds??

i meet people through work, through friends, through class, activities, etc.
maybe become a regular at some place you fit in at (personality/interests/etc). i've got a bunch of friends just from being a regular at the coffee shop..

 

yeah i guess i shouldn't have implied that i'm older than all of them. it's just that they all looked like early 20s or something, i dunno. i guess it's just that whole scene, maybe i've just grown out of it after all the things that have been going on in my life over the past few years. i've definitely been "settling down" what with getting a solid career and buying a house and stuff. it was exciting at first but now i'm thinking i'd rather be doing something else.

but yeah i'm not much for coffee shops and that sort of thing. i don't drink coffee and i don't really like to go somewhere to sit down and read. if i want to read i do it at home where i'm comfortable and not gonna be bothered. if i'm going out to an indoor venue, nine times out of ten it's going to be a bar to see a live band.

 

yeah, my boyfriend says that it gets harder to make friends as you get older [even though he's only 21 ] but i think that if ya just put yourself out there and have a good personality that you can make new friends at any age. i usually make friends at work or through other friends and then there will be those random occurances that i meet someone at this totally odd place and we'll just hit it off right there.


i hated being a military brat cuz i've never had any of those lifelong friends that you've known since they were in diapers, or since kindergarten.. or even 6th grade. everyone always just moved away and lost touch =/ but ah well, your true friends are the ones who make an effort to keep in touch with ya anyways

 

Get chatting to bar staff; they're nearly always happy to have someone to talk to.

You could try joining a sports team, or a political party, or whatever you're interested in. Meet people like that/

 

When you're younger you sort of absorb friends by osmosis, I think that stops happening so much later on. For me it's been much much easier since I got past that early twenties thing you're talking about, you tend to know your own mind better, are more confident and can choose friends rather than suffer fools. If you don't have anything in common with those people in the bar then you don't have anything in common, move on and find somewhere where there are people you do have things in common with.

 

That is being friendly for better tips.

 

I've found it easier and easier to make friends as I get older and as I learn more and more about myself and the world.

The problem is that you are out of a social setting... go to more bars, shows, anything... put yourself back into an active social setting... and the friends will naturally come.