Guys always staring....

there was this lady who walked into a store where i was working, adn she wanted to buy a pair of shoes. ben went to help her because he was the other person there, and i was busy at the front counter. this woman was wearing a tank top over her enormous breasts that barely covered her nipples, which were showing through the white tank anyway.


so, a few minutes later, this harpy starts screaming at ben for daring to stare at her breasts, which was impossible not to do, i stared in fascination myself. they were massive and hanging out. poor ben, one of the biggest, gentlest
sweethearts you could ever know, was completely horrified. i was pissed off. what kinda dumb bitch steps outside barely covered then gets pissed off when someone can't help but look? she was WAY outta line.

now, i know what the difference is. but there is no such thing as having the right to dress however you like without being stared at. be practical. if you're dressed well and someone stares, then he's probably a total idiot completely untrained in polite behavior. but if you're dressed like a hooker and you get treated like one, learn to deal with it.

 

I think you don't understand what I am saying--men leer at breasts of women who are not trying to sexualize them, because they have been conditioned to do so because of women who do sexualize them. I'm not saying that all women are at fault because they have boobs--that's stupid logic--but that some women willfully contribute to the sexualization of the breast in our culture, and that this fact needs to be acknowledged more than it is (particularly by feminists).

Perhaps you should learn to control your emotions; if breasts are simply a part of your body, then the perception that people are constantly looking at your breasts, and that this makes you feel uncomfortable, is largely your fault then. Ultimately, you can't really know what people are thinking when they look at you, so this notion that they are leering at you, is more a preconceived notion than anything else.

Also, I'm not sure of the logic to the last part of your post. It just makes no sense. In every society there are indicators of status and character--in every society--and one of the most fundamental is clothing. Clothing says much about a person, and therefore it is an inherent aspect of human behavior to draw conclusions about a person from how they dress. This is why it is so important to dress properly for job-interviews, weddings, etc. In our society, their is obviously attire that is generally considered to function as a means to attract a man's attention in that it highlights features that our society generally considers to be sexual. This kind of attire is not generally worn by women in order to "feel good about themselves".

 

Edit: I origionally made a reply to your first post but I guess as I was typing that reply you also made a second post. So Im editing this to respond to that one.
I see what you are saying about women who sexualize their breasts and then getting attention for it. If I were to go out in a mini skirt that barely covered my ass and then men stared at my ass....well in my personal opinion, the men should still be respectful, and gentlemanly and act like grown ups and not lear and make comments and such....but that is how I feel about that. But I still see your point about it. I guess my view might be considered too idelogical. But if I go out in say, a knee lenth skirt and all the men in the bar are staring at my ass (which does infact make me very uncomfortable) then who should I place the blame on? Grown men who dont control themselves or the woman at the bar with the ass bearing mini skirt? As I said in my first reply, I worked at a bar and I got comments and stares and all sorts of things that would make me very uncomfortable. And I wore baggy shorts and pants and t-shirts to work. I purposely didnt wear anything tight ever....but I was still treated like a piece of ass and Im sorry but I blame those men totally. I am in no way saying all men are like this, dont get me wrong at all....but you know the ones I mean.

Also, its pretty obvious when a man is learing or staring at a women and thinking sexualizing her. I mean, sure if a dude or a women glanced or looked at my breasts casually even for a second....whatever....I dont know what they are thinking. But when a man is blatenly staring and objectivfying a women....for the most part it is pretty obvious and I would think for the most part pretty unwelcome.

 

You'd get the impression from this thread that the same things don't happen the other way round..

Women objectify men just as much as the other way round, i'm not even hot but I often find myself getting checked out or leered at, and i've had my fair share of suggestive comments. It happens - people check out people, live with it, because its not going away.

I'd reckon nobody who has posted in this thread can honestly say that they've never stared at someone for longer than they should have, or made a comment to their friends about a sexy ass they've seen.

 

Well, to be honest I have never blatenly stared at anyone for any length of time where I was making it obvious that I was checking them out. But that just isnt me....

Of course people check out people of the opposite sex......of course.
Of course women check out men, and can lear and do all the same things( how have you gotton the impression that we think that women are not capaple of doing this???)....does it happen as much??? Well, I guess that is debatable. I havent seen that happen near as much. But that has been my experiance.
But please agknowledge that there is quite the difference between a guy finding me attracitve and looking at me or checking me out and the guy who thinks my ass is hot and is making me uncomfortable by blatently and obviously staring. There is a difference.

 

the way i figure it, you can't change anyone's behavior but your own. i got to where i just didn't care if i was being leered at by some loser. as long as they didn't try to lay a finger on me, they got to keep their finger. i don't dress as provocatively as i used to, either.

 

May be you didn't realize that you were doing it but probably did it. First of all, girls check guys out too and then claim that they don't and its only guys who do it.

In my experience, Most girls I have encountered stare at a guy until the guy notices some one is staring at him and he turns toward the girl and then she quickly turnS her head toward something else... then when he turns and looks at something else , she stares right back (yes its that bad, they don't notice...). I don't think they notice it. Also, a guy does not necessarily have to think about sex when staring at a girl. I stare at girls because they are pleasant for my eyes. Not exactly because I think about sex. I can be overwhelmed sometimes with your extreme beauty, but that does not mean that I think about sex when staring at you!. Sometimes men too don't realize it I think...

 

if your boobs are as big as you say your just gonna have to get used to guys staring...I can't resist taking a look at a nice pair, my eyes are usually there before i even notice

 

No, I wasnt probably doing it. I dont stare at people...but thats not the point. All these things you say are true. I was not generelizing how the entire male race checks out women......I know very well that women can ogle and stare and do all the same things........
Im talking about the dude that is treating you like a piece of meat, staring at your ass, breasts, whatever. I already said it in my previous post. The starter of this thread is a women being stared at by guys, which is why we are talking about women being stared at and not the other way around.
Ah, well.......I not going to debabte anything. I know how feel about this issue and I already gave my advice and spoke my peace...But I absolutley agree with everything you said. PeAcE

 

The girl who started this thread was 16. I'm 16 as well I can relate. I haven't had breasts for very long, I haven't had womanly hips for long either, it's kind of new. On top of it all we have men (AS OLD AS OUR DADS) winking, leering, making rude comments on these parts of our bodies that are so relatively new to us. It's a little much to take all at once.


As for dressing provocatively I can tell you that it doesn't seem to matter what I wear I get the stares and leers. You can believe that or not, but it's the truth. If it's hot I'm going to wear a tank top. I'm wearing it FOR ME because I am hot. Not to attract attention.

Peace 'n Love
k.d

 

i may be in the minority here, but, uh, who cares?

the queen of england can make eyes at me if she wants, how does this really affect my life?

now, physical contact, etc is one thing. but a guy looking at my body? well whoopdeedoo. glad i could make someone happy for just a little while.

 

YEA!

WHAT A WAY TO LOOK AT IT! LOVE YOUR OPTIMISM! haha,

 

Modern culture represses sexuality due to a inherited fear of feminine empowerment and capability. Women being the bearer, raiser and nourisher of children should be honored with at least equality. However, due to the fear of feeling less than Her, dominant Men continue to demand their Solar role as lawmakers, governors and abusers of Beauty. Many may have heard of Ishtar or Inanna... but the Organic Goddess traditions are not taught in school. This is a glimpse of the natural authority, which exists beyond letters and numbers, that men seek to grope. I know some Fathers (of Daughters), myself included, look down or at eye-level when Beauty approaches.


Malta
*
The power of shamelessness,
bare-breasted natural authority,
standing at the temple entrance.

This fertile magical Lady,
not understanding the word Whore,
gazes solemnly as you arrive.

She cares not to stroke your role;
you either submit, as a child,
or are considered a blight.

Enter these spiral gates by force...
to find a host of serpents
agitated by your hyper desires.

Hunting is a sacred art,
not a bathroom sex adrenaline rush,
you wash your face in our blood.

Repression is a social disease
resulting from antibiotic laws and letters.
What has our civilization cost?

She begins to dig anew.
Her skin is, not just a place for rigormortis,
but a Hypogeum for prophetic dreams.

Outside, owls roosting
in an gnarled pomegranate tree
are draped with cloaks of rusted moonlight.
~*

 

Are you serious? I can't help but laugh at this ideological cant. I thought sexuality was a means by which patriarchal male culture oppresses women; now you're saying that "modern culure," which you claim in dominated by men, represses sexuality in order to oppress women. Which is it? By the sounds of it, you're beyond giving a straight answer, having chosen to become a mere mouth-piece for some bent New Age ideology, but I'd like a clarification none-the-less.

 

seek within for your answers.

*I thought sexuality was a means by which patriarchal male culture oppresses women; now you're saying that "modern culture," which you claim in dominated by men, represses sexuality in order to oppress women. Which is it? I'd like a clarification none-the-less.*

Dominant expressions, of a constricted or demeaning nature, seek to repress or oppress a more organic and honoring view of a kindred essence. Sexual objectification is learned through pornographic medias abounding with hooks.
Using sex to sell links commercial desire to voting with your attention to possess a product. People are not products to be boiled down to an external characteristic. Accepting that inequality is helpful, from any source, furthers the consumer view that the contents are equal to the outer form.
Leering seems predatory to me. Seeing beauty, how does one honor it?
Natural authority for me is allowing your instinctual and rational sides to balance. Evolving and embracing a more loving view and actions, in the sake of love and curiosity, cultivating the freedom to enjoy the natural beauty of self and the balanced human nature. We are beings with a mind of light within the uniqueness of a human form. Feel anothers heartbeat, dreams, passions... these are all interwoven aspects of a beautiful lifeforce that manifests in so many ways.


Tomato Obsessions
~*

Waxy skin,
yielding not to caressing fingers;
yet, the tongue of the eye
is a whole different story.

Verdant sloping contours
while young,
resembling a perfect sphere;
when mature,
an ancient matriarch endowed
with pendulous multiple curves.

Empty hungers seek
to immediately remove her
from vine to mouth.

Is beauty to be seized
and consumed
like ballast?

Where is the lingering honoring,
the joy in watching this soul grow,
like a daughter full of moon.

The beauty of full cycle is
a sacrament of seed, fertility and decay.
This allowing of inner marriage...

 

*** Ok and where do they learn this behavior of sexualizing them, to gain attention of any kind, but from their culture which presents them with limited attention. Everyone wants love and attention. ***

*** Control is rational; Emotions are instinctual. I disagree. Breasts are simply part of the organic whole of all of what one is. Me make our own choices and accept our
own results. Fault and finger-pointing and judgment are rational masculine paradigms. Ultimately, you can really feel peoples attention... it is instinctual, emotional and obvious. Mind games are used to control and limit. ****

*** Wearing the mask of conformity you loose your self in some limiting role. Like a synthetic gear in a machine. Anything build on dress codes is binding and rational. Seeking meaning only in how something appears is surface and petty. ***

 

Well spoken.

 

when i see a good lookin girl, i usually jus look and be like "Damn, she fine", but i NEVER get dirty thoughts like i wanna fuck her and shit. that's just wrong.

 

I've never had a problem with guys staring and leering at me. Sometimes it's gross and creeps me out big time or makes me worried I'm gonna get raped or something depending on who is doing the looking, but for the most part I am usually flattered.

I used to get tons of stares and looks everywhere I went all the time. I don't anymore, not for a couple of years. I'm actually really sad about it, I feel so unattractive now. I haven't gained that much weight, but I guess I've lost whatever beauty I had. I would love to get looks like that again, even if it meant I had to take the creepy ones too.

 

Dude, that's the funny thing about breasts - they tend to stick out, meaning that ANYTHING that's worn could be said to promote them. I suppose I could start wearing a cardboard box as some type of shapeless body suit, but personally i don't think I should have to. As NoRtHStAr said, if it's a hot day i'm going to dress in accordance with the weather, and quite frankly you can just deal. Not wanting to faint from heat exaustion is not the same as issuing an invite to the general populace to just blatantly stare.

(btw, i'm talking about STARING here- like i was talking to a guy i know the other day - it was 23 degrees, so obviously not ski jacket weather...i was wearing just a normal t shirt, (nothing that 'promoted' the uncomfortable fact that i am a girl), but did he even once look up? Fuck no, not even to say hello. It's that type of leering, which is just plain rude that I have a problem with. )