Jack the revolutionary always fighting the good fight Dave the pacifist saying this injustice aint right Jack's heart filled with rage that can not be contained Dave's mind lost in a daze wondering who will save the day Jack and Dave two sides from the same mind who will win and who will cry
I like the idea, but why the breakdown of rhyme scheme? Maybe a steady breakdown could work to add more to the narrative, but you seem to have just abandoned it.
