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1. 

   jim kirby Member

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   ...............

    

   jim kirby, Jul 17, 2007

   #1
3. 

   BBgrrl Member

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   I like this very much, you have some powerful imagery and a nice turn of phrase.
   IMHO, I think you could break it up a bit more, making a break at the connective words, using a comma in their place. And more puctuation in general, so that we can better see the phrasing.
   Very nice.

    

   BBgrrl, Jul 17, 2007

   #2
5. 

   jim kirby Member

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   .............

    

   jim kirby, Jul 20, 2007

   #3

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