On lockdown

My parents recently found out that I smoke marijuana. For a week I had my phone, car, and internet taken away from me. I wasn't allowed to leave the house and wasn't allowed to have anyone visit me. This is week two of my punishment. I have (obviously) my internet and phone usage during the day. I still have no car, am not allowed to leave, and cannot see friends.

I've been doing my best to cope with my grounding, but I'm starting to feel depressed and angry with my parents. I know I had it coming, they are strictly anti-drugs. I just... I guess I just don't know what to do. I've had friends offer me a place in their homes but I'm afraid to leave.

Advice would be highly appreciated.

Peace, love, and all the rest.

 

your parents give you a cell phone, internet, and a car, and you want to leave?

 

No the car and cell phone are paid for by myself. But both are under their name in legal contracts, etc.

 

then in my opinion there is no way that they should be able to take them from you. your 18.

 

Hi Julie -

My drama is detailed in another post here, so if you read it you'll know what where I am coming from.

Your parents love you. You may be depressed, angry, etc. with your parents, but I can assure you, they are more depressed, angry, worried, and heartbroken than you, but they will never let you know that. How much longer do you have to remain in 'lock down'? Have your parents talked with you about your smoking? What would going to stay with your friends accomplish other than causing a huge gap between you and your parents, tension, stress, anger, etc? By bailing out and going to friends, you're taking the easy, childish way out. You even said you had it coming regarding your lock down status. You know your parent's stance on smoking, so if you want to live harmoniously with them, you need to respect them and their home. Julie, I wish you could see it through your parent's eyes. I wish you could feel their emotions, because since they reacted the way they did and grounded you significantly, you have probably hurt them to the core and they are worried sick about you, but you will never know that until you have kids of your own. I can guarantee they have lost sleep over this. You are so fortunate to have both a mom and a dad, both who must care about you a great deal. From your posts, I see a young woman who is responsible and cares about her family. You wouldn't have posted if you didn't care about them. Your time left living with them in their home is short. Don't blow it. You don't detail your relationship with your parents, but don't jeoparadize what I think is a good relationship with them over some pot. You can smoke all you want when you are on your own. Friends come and go, but families are forever. You will be surprised as life goes on how much you need your mom and dad, even if just to talk to. I am 47 years old and I still talk to my mother and father almost daily. I moved two states away from them and they followed a couple of years later. I have coffee with my dad every Friday a.m. My mother calls me and 'vents' over HER mother, AKA as The Gestapo (of whom my dad says "she'll die the day after I do"), and now I give my own mother advice! My parents were the stupidest people on the planet...until I was about 24. I am grateful for them and glad I didn't blow it when I was 18....though I was VERY tempted. I hope you all can work it out.

 

Grounding 18 year olds is retarded on many levels. It's a control thing at this point, it has nothing to do with behavior correction. Parents should either learn to live with it or kick them out at this point.

 

move out or shut the fuck up, the only other option is to follow the rules they require for you to stay under their roof.

 

* I didn't mean to post this *

 

He lives in their house and said he needed their name for the car loan and cell phone...his parents put their credit on the line for him so he's completley under their control. They have the right to take away his stuff if he doesn't follow their terms, just like the bank has the right to take away it's borrowees assets if they don't follow the terms on the loan.

Plus, if he has marijuana in his parents home he is legally putting them at risk. That is very selfish if his parents don't smoke as well in the home.
If you live at home you and your assets are in your parent's name you are not an adult. I am 25, live at home and I am not an adult. My mom is currently making my car payment and insurance while I go to school and my fiancee takes care of my cell phone. imo when people give you things you wouldn't have without them the least you can do is follow their rules. If you can't then you should put everything in your name and move out and not act like such a spoiled, ungrateful brat.
The original poster is showing through this thread exactly why he should not smoke; he doesn't understand the larger picture.

 

honestly if youre doing illegal shit in -their- house then yeah, they have the right to do whatever they want to you. they couldve legally kicked you out since youre 18 too. i do personally think that living on your own does a great deal of good for most people, but if youre not ready yet youre not ready. until you are, you get to abide by teh rules of your parents house

 

That is complete and total bullshit. If you're 18, you're an adult. That's all there is to it. It's not a question of opinion, it's a fact.

Kicking them out at least makes sense. Whatever. But this little kiddy "grounding" thing becomes bullshit when the person turns about 15.

 

well then shes an adult and should move out and provide for herself. then she can make her own rules. until then she should respect her parents. at least talk to them about it and try to come to some understanding.

to the op- im sure your parents care a great deal about you, and as annii said, i'm sure they are even more upset about this than you. i know you may not agree with them. i mean hell, i smoke pot. we all know the arguments, and inevitably we all make our own decisions. whether or not its a good thing is not the issue here. it's about respect. do you think that moving in with your friends and their parents will really make anything better? you will just have to live by their rules then. that would just be avoiding the problem and would probably create even bigger ones in the long run. is it worth ruining your relationship with your family? know it's so hard to see when you're stuck in your position. i've been there. many many times. and naturally you get angry, because you feel like you've been disrespected.

how did you get caught in the first place? if you had pot in their house, or if you were smoking on their property then it is their proplem. give them respect and they will in turn respect you.

in the end you will do what you want. and since you are 18 they can't stop you. so don't do anything that could get you caught. don't have pot in their house, dont smoke at home, dont even keep it in your car. (which they probably have the right to go through and bust you)

if it is absolutely impossible for you to not have pot in their house, then you should move out. you are 18. get a job and an apartment and do whatever the hell you want.

i hate to say it, but if you want to be treated like an adult you should act like an adult. talk to them. find out where they're coming from and work something out.

 

Not if you are lifving off of your parents.

 

If all of your shit is in your parent's name you are not an adult. If you want to be treated like one you should get everything in your name, give up what you can't finance or put in a loan in your name and move the fuck out.
Maybe people would see you as more of an adult if you were the least bit grateful for living in your parents home or using their credit?
Do you know how many parents would have thrown your ass our at 18 for your attitude?
I am beyond grateful for what my family has given me. I know I am lucky and I make sure I do nothing that makes them think otherwise. If for some reason my mom felt like I wasn't respecting her house that I am living in currently rent-free I would be ashamed of myself and my behavior.
YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO ANYTHING. If you don't like being treated like a kid stop acting like one and show some freaking courtesy for the people who brought you into this world.

 

That was meant for the OP

 

Bella, even though I mostly agree with you, there is no reason for you to be a psycho, rabid bitch to someone you've never met.

 

I have a fever and had my period this morning and am horny and cannot have sex until Thursday. Also, family is really important to me, more than anything. I have every reason to be a psycho, rabid bitch.

HUGS

 

I also used to work in a really poor neighborhood and in my personal life know of some really awful and evil parents who do horrible things to even their adult children. So someone complaining at 20 about their parents getting pissed over them smoking pot when they have no idea what other people's parents have done to them even at 20 makes my stomach turn.

He has both parents, happy in a house and has never been abused in anyway and he is complaing-about what?, not being able to smoke a joint...some on it's sickeningly blind to everything he has and had growing up.

 

Wow. Alright... I've missed a lot the past few days.

Here's what I have to say:

First off, I'm a FEMALE. Second, I'm in no way complaining that I can't smoke weed. I couldn't give a shite less about not being able to smoke in the house as I've never done so. I realize that I have an amazing family who provides and cares for me. Also, don't make assumptions on whether or not I've ever been abused.

Anyway... having weed in the house was stupid, disrespectful, etc. I've acknowledged this. It was a lapse in judgement. Funny thing is... that was the first and only time I'd ever brought it into the house. So of course I got caught. There's karma at it's finest. I have no problem following the rules that my parents have set for me. They provide me with free housing, I don't have a lot of room to complain.

When I posted this bulletin, I was having a rough time adjusting to my parents disappointed looks and daily discussion on my "drug problem". Not an easy pill to swallow and instead of wanting to deal with the issue in front of me, I considered leaving it behind for awhile. A selfish act and one I'm thankful I didn't make.

Everything has more or less worked itself out with my family. My real dad refuses to talk to me but there's a lot more to that story than I care to share.

I'm going to college in the fall or early spring, so I'll be moving out around that time (my phone and car will go under my name at that time as well).

Erm... just wanted to give you guys an update. Thanks for the advice

 

I am glad all is working out. My dad is an asshole too who i refuse to acknowledge. I am sorry I made assumptions that you have never gone through hardships.

HUGS