Ready to give up

If you would put me in your prayers that would be more than enough. Can you ask God to send me some sort of sign, some reason to not give up? I am serious when I say you are doing more than enough to pray for me and I appreciate it.

As for couseling: I have been to many people (around 20) and I find nearly all of them are bullshit and do not listen. They are self absorbed and think they know everything. They do not help me in any way. I have only found one that really helped me during my freshman year of HS. I doubt the people in college will be good, but I will try and find out. What really helps more than any of them is a good friend to talk to and hug. But I need to do that in person or it does not help as much. I can't get to fucking Boston (where my best friend lives) which is only 3 hours away because my parents will not let me take a car, they will not drive me 3 hours, they will not loan me any money, even though I told them about all this shit and how I need to see her and it will help me greatly. She would come up here but she has no money or car. IT PISSES ME OFF SO FUCKING MUCH!

 

dude in aldous husley's "the island" they recommend going through the pain, reliving the bad moments over and over again until they don't hurt anymore. its rough but worth it.
zen shows to give up attatchment to your situation, that sorrow stems from attatchment. i dont know if these help, but its all I've really got without being there to see you. if you want a sign that shows you to keep going on, go out at night and atare at the moon. it always worked for me.

 

I don't really hurt anymore. I am just kind of numb and cold. It's like I just don't feel that much anymore.