working on it

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by 06thenewsummeroflove, Jul 10, 2007.

  1. 06thenewsummeroflove

    06thenewsummeroflove Member

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    i recently started the first poem i have written in a while im not done with it but im a bit rusty and would like some feedback

    Technicly speaking im something like a heathen
    but im ride or die for whatever io believe in
    climbed on this soapbox now i've started preachin
    cause the elements got me thinkin bout the reasons
    why i do my dirt and and why i stay so grimey
    and if i'm in the right why aint nobody behind me
    i need someone beside me but loves a dirty word
    spelled four letters classified noun or verb
    ya see im pushing off maturity like superman to kriptonite
    im battling adulthood but its a vain and pointless fight
    fairly levelheaded but i still cant see wrong from right....
     
  2. AddictiveSmile

    AddictiveSmile Member

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    I think it's a great start. Can't wait to read it when it's finished. I had stopped writing for a few years and now just getting back into the swing of things. Once you start up again you'll get the juice flowing and won't be able to stop! Keep writing man! -Cassi
     
  3. sunshine_daydream07

    sunshine_daydream07 Member

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    very good, i really like it!

    keep goin' with it, cant wait to read the rest :]
     
  4. hoperenefeese

    hoperenefeese Member

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    Technicly speaking im something like a heathen
    but im ride or die for whatever io believe in
    climbed on this soapbox now i've started preachin
    cause the elements got me thinkin bout the reasons
    why i do my dirt and and why i stay so grimey
    and if i'm in the right why aint nobody behind me
    i need someone beside me but loves a dirty word
    spelled four letters classified noun or verb
    ya see im pushing off maturity like superman to kriptonite
    im battling adulthood but its a vain and pointless fight
    fairly levelheaded but i still cant see wrong from right....

    old enough to know better , but to young to see the light
    living within myself, maturity , the never ending fight!
    Never ending story, with no happy ending
    word's and feeling's build up, yet i keep on defending



    If you would like to keep these couple line's as your own, that is fine with me
    i love helping people....enjoy! Keep up the good work!
     
  5. The Instinct

    The Instinct Member

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    great start.
     

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