This may open up much dialog, but my question and my desire is really simple. I am a Bi-natured man who has the ability to "love after the inward person" BOTH (not "either") a special Man AND (not "or") a special Woman. This is because I "experience thier souls differently" and am drawn to what each has to offer (physically AND spiritually) in a "relationship". I have known this for many years now (about 25) and have been single for just as many (all my life). I want to settle down, make a "unique special family" structure and experience this dual-love in my life on a regular basis. I AM NOT, nore have I ever been, pagan or interested in "swinging" with multiple sex partners. I am an old fashioned, very convensional, without wierd fetishes and religious beliefs (though I am tolerant of these in others). Yet, it "seems" every Bi woman is: hetero-married, pagan goddess looking for a god, polyamorous, panamorous, swinger, just-curios, confussed...[although very open-minded, supportively incouraging, or just plain sympathetic], discovered she was "bi" via a sexual experience she had one time with the usually the same-gender (seduced into it by a lesbian). The Bi men all seem to be looking for "couples", and "just-fun", and "into panties and other assorted femanine fetishes", pagan god for the goddesses out there, want to remain in cyber-space for life [both men & women on this one], or the "classic" bi-curious [can have sex with another man but can only "love" a woman--he's hetro married but discrete], gays in transit (gay but not quite all the way "out"), confused, attracted to so-called straight adonises who they can never "have" and an assortment of other "lust-motivated" activities. Where are the (only for like of a better word)..."NORMAL" Bisexually-amorous men and women? Yes, unfortunately, I am a Bi-man who may help "perpetuate" the Bi stereo-type "that I hear sometimes-but DO NOT believe": "Bi people can't be monogamous".....Well a "pure" bi person CAN be monogamous.....BUT: would NOT be "FULFILLED and COMPLETE" being so. I believe a "pure" Bi-BORN (not discovered/inducted/Vogue) person "if" sexually active in a relationship "needs" and yearns for: Dual-Monogamy The two "MONO"sexualities (homos and heteros -- the so-called gay and straight) have the same thing in common with each other (being fulfilled in "mono"gamy) because they are BOTH "MONO"sexuals--they can "potentially" be "FULFILLED" with ONE type of physique / soul-mate (male OR female). But since the Male has a "different" physique / AND soul from that of a female [a viva la diferrance] they bring "unigue" and "irreplaceable" joys to a pure Bi-natured/born persons life such that if I "only" had a male I would feel empty in the part of me that needs, shall I say, a "woman's touch" and procreation (the fruit of our love). Conversly, If I had only a wife and children in my life, I would feel empty in the part of my soul that longs for some real male-bonding...just the guys and a masculine soul-mate. I am in love with the differences so they ARE NOT in "competition" with one another as monosexual-bisexual miss-mated couples often experience--> ultimately demanding a "choice" be made --> leading to "serial-relationships" and/or divorce for the bi-natured person OR quiet desparation OR need for discretion (code for lies and disception) It's simple: Monosexual-natured people experience a "dual-relationship" as infedity and "cheating" AND real love as "possession". And since MOST self-called bi-natured people were raised by these Monosexuals in a Mono-sexual valued society, --- ironically they (the self-called bi's) think the same as the Monosexuals....The results? They have heterosexual boyfriends and girlfriends AND eventually MARRY them, have children, hit the middle-age "crises" to be who they "naturally" are-- let the problems I mentioned above begin! I would want a wife and male-mate who experience the same awareness as I. I am a sneaker looking for "another" sneaker (hince: "mate")....NOT a sneaker looking for a dress-shoe (miss-matched)...Think when your parent use to ask: Where is the "mate" to this shoe. When the "mate" was found, was it a "different" nature of shoe OR the same? My belief: hetros for hetros, homos for homos and bi fo bi make for the the most "potentially" lasting and fulfilling relationships because of mutual understanding and not quiet telerance --> desparation. You see, with me, ironically, as one need is fulfilled it only enhances my need for the other. I am celebate these days by choice [a life-style] (as I am waiting for the intimacy of a relationship--that really makes me incredibly passionate) Having good sex/intimacy with a male only makes me unstoppably passionate for a female. And when I am in a good sex/intimacy relationship with a fantastic woman, I am even more passionate for my special boeeeeeee, my best man! It is NOT as complex as it seems to the Monoganized society: Think BrokeBack Mountain "WITHOUT" the deception--drama that was inevitable because the two "bi" men were both hetero-MISSmarried(mated). Now just meditate for a moment. If they had BOTH been a MAN about their dual "needs" AND dated and fallin in love with Bi-natured wives (women)...they would not have come to the "despair" they had to live "ALL THIER LIVES" Then there is that time when I just would want to be alone with the LORD and for SPIRITUAL refreshment -- for it is GOD who "makes me COMPLETE...NOT another person of either gender. Now, how is a man like this ever to find two mates like himself...They would be have to be "special" INDEED. So when I whisper in the ear of either "you're so special, I could never find another like unto you"....He or She would "know for certain" that I REALLY MEAN THAT---LITERALLY. I think it's really more simple than "others" think--I'm just ahead of my time...that's all...Most younger people and teens understand this best and "rarely" my own age-peers...because they have not yet been Monogasized: And because my need involves others of my age-peers of course, I remain ALONE. BOTH the special man in my life AND woman would need to be Bi-natured THEMSELVES [and "maybe" desire a "CLOSED" relationship of FOUR...ONLY 2 guys and ONLY 2 girls in a MF/ MF AND MM / FF with noone pagan. If you can see the reasoning, simplicity, and fidelity of this, then please help me with "practicle" ways to find these 2 people (one at a time of course) Help me build the new "conventional" & "fulfilling CONTINUALLY" Bi-loving FAMILY. I want to aviod "intimacy relationships" with all the Bi-types I mentioned above and those who will probably be satisfied all thier lives being miserable, empty in one part of their own being, and/or spending thier WHOLE life going "lust-to-lust" til old and thrown away or on the computer in cyberspace til old and thrown away--and more horrifying raise the next generation to live out the same.
firstly, i think ur gonna have a hard time finding another three other people all attracted to each other equally and happy to have this four-way-marriage type thing. its lucky enough to find ONE person wanting to be with u, let alone THREE- who u expect to all want *each other* as well as you. lets be honest, its so incredibley unlikely. also, you cant just discriminate against all the rest of us bisexuals in the world because we dont see things the same way and that somehow deems us "avoidable"- when i say im bisexual i mean i could fall in love with either a man or a woman, but i certainly dont mean that im attracted to all sorts of people *at once*! whatever gender my partner be i dont want to share them with anybody else!!!! what sort of meaning of bi do u have?! anyway, good luck to u fufilling your ideal lol
it sounds to me like you ar elooking for stable polyamory (a triad). polyamory is not "real" bisexuality... sxuality is simply attraction to gender, amory is the numbe rof partners you want to have
I disagree with this. Your definition of fulfilled and complete is a personal one, and can't be applied to all bisexual people. I'm attracted to both men and women, but when I'm with one person it's because their soul completes mine. What else do I need? I'm compelled to say that you don't know what real love is. It's not masculine or feminine, but spiritual. So if I'm with a woman that I love, I'm not going to feel empty or unfulfilled or incomplete just because she doesn't have a penis or masculine attributes. I'll be complete because she completes me...that's love.
Yea,..it's a nice idea and a nice fantasy....but how well would it even work, if you found your "family".It's impractical and very unlikely, I think and i seem not to be alone in this.Sounds dysfunctional to me.It's hard enough to love one person,.lol..3???That's asking alot,to say the least...All the best just the same...Good luck in your search...You may want to reconsider all this... J*
I understand where your coming from, but having been single all your life, how do you know that one person isn't enough for you? I lust after several people (male and female) at once, but I know I can't have them all. At some point, you have to settle and take what you can get. I know that sounds lame or unambitious, but no relationship is perfect and part of making one work is compromising, no only with the other person, but with yourself. If I can find a one person im into who's into me enough to put up with my personal crap, well I'm gonna date them. Sure their beliefs and prejudices will be different, but sometimes an imperfect thing is better than no thing at all. Hope all this helps...
There are plenty of people looking for this. It's not uncommon in places here in california. Bay Area is one place where different styles of relationship are very common. There are also places on tribe.net that have forums for people like this.
