crushes on other people when you're in a relationship....

Does anyone else here have that problem? I have the biggest crush on this guy that isn't my boyfriend (whom I love dearly) I just can't help it...the guy that i have a crush on plays the banjo in a bluegrass band and he's so shy and cute and whenever I go see him play we're always makin eye contact and smilin at each other. I'm pretty sure there's attraction there even tho we've hardly ever talked (mainly cuz i hold myself back because of my boyfriend...) I fantasize about us hangin out on his porch, him playin little songs for me on the banjo... haha...i'm such a nerd. Oh yeah and I turned on the radio today and they were playing a song he wrote, it was so nice... gave me that good fuzzy feeling...
Also, i work at a natural food store and this boy came in yesterday (I had seen him the weekend before at a festival dancin and he caught my eye... )he was so beautiful and just had this wonderful carefree vibe and we talked a lil bit and then we just stood there and smiled at each other and we were both blushing... it was so nice....
It's all pretty innocent... just a little daydreaming on my behalf. I love my bf and I'm never so happy as when I'm with him. I have a feeling we're gonna get married eventually... but i just love that fluttery stomach feeling of a crush. Anyone else got some crushes they'd like to admit?

 

oooh, I know what it's like to have those crushes while you are with someone you love. I loved my boyfriend deeply but at the time I was surrounded by other guys (all friends) I had little innocent crushes on. Actually one of them was not so innocent....I really started to have feelings for him, he was always at our apartment and would mostly come hang out when I was home and my boy was at work ooooh, there's a receipe for disaster. Well, one day he just came out with his feelings for me and it was like there was all this tention that had been building up for him and against my better judgement.....well....Im sure you can guess what happened. Im not that kind of person though, had I not been so fucked up on drugs at the time it would not have happened because I would've been clear minded enough to resist what I was feeling on the grounds that cheating is wrong and something Im against doing....go figure. anyway, long crazy fucked up story short, I left my boyfriend for this guy....a few day later my boyfriend wants me to come back and work it out....I knew I had fucked up and needed to fix things somehow....and still being in love with him....I went back to my boyfriend and we stayed together for another 2 years. But in the end I know that was definatley one of the things that contributed to the demise of our relationship. He never really trusted me again...cant say I blame him. Shit, if he had cheated on me I would have left his ass in the dust with no chance for reconcilliation. But that's me. Well, its another lesson well learned.....fuck me

 

Of course you're gonna be attracted to other people. I have new crushes everyday. You just have to have some self control.



You don't think your boyfriends have the same feelings? We do. Probably a lot more than y'all do.

 

i have hipforum crushes...but they're all girls and that's AOK with my boyfriend. Yay.

 

Perfectly normal sweetie, as long as you don't act on them. I have had a crush on the same guy since I was 14. It is just a fantasy as I haven't seen him in forever and I have no idea what he is really like. But I do imagine running into him at the supermarket or something. Of course if I ever did in reality, I'd have to introduce my boyfriend. hehehe. I think crushes are a good thing.

 

You know, I guess i'm just a weirdo or something. It might sound fake, but I have no interests in any other guys (or girls, just to clarify ) I don't even find many attractive anymore. My man is always asking me who I think is cute, and other than The completely unreachable Johnny Depp, I don't know of anyone that could really catch my eye.

I mean, I can still tell you if someone's kind of cute, but I haven't seen anyone I think I could actually have a crush on.

But I dont think that having a crush on someone outside of your relationship is so bad, as long as you don't act on it.

 

OMG Johnny Depp is so hot! I definitely have a crush on him!!


I don't really look at men anymore either. I mean well everyone looks, but when I look at other men, I pretty much think of how wonderful my boyfriend is and how lucky I am to have him.

The crush I have is just some fantasy that I've held on to since I was little. Haven't seen the dude in like 6 years and even when I knew him, I don't think we ever exchanged more than 5 words. So even if I did run into him again (not sure how he lives in a different state) we probably wouldn't even recognize each other.

 

up until two weeks ago i had very little interest in other guys... same situation i guess, i love my boyfriend, i know how good we are together and i wouldn't want to damage what we have for someone i hardly knew...

BUT since i've moved and i know we won't be living together for at least three years (uni) i've started noticing other guys and wanting to flirt with them , just because flirting is fun (i like butterflies in my stomack too )
thing is i know what i'm doing is harmless since i would never go further than pretty innocent flirting... i'm just a little worried my boyfriend might be doing some flirting of his own, not so innocently...
a bit of jealousy i guess
anyway, i think flirting with others while you're in a relationship is totally healthy and shouldn't cause any guilt

 

i cant seem to have a crush on anyone
the minite i see someone cute i find a serios personelity flaw

 

yeah, I too have innocent crushes and daydreams. But as thats all they are I try not to dwell on them too much

 

i used to do this. well i used to do a lot of things haha. anyway, i can't imagine doing that now. i just grew out of it. now this wasn't always true, and i've stayed in relationships that were loooong dead and tried to convince myself they were still good, and while in THOSE i experienced what you guys are talking about. but not now.

seems like you just keep pushing up toward some kind of line, as far as you can go without crossing it. and i have to ask, what is the point? if you want to be able to get that kind of attention from other people, there's nothing wrong with that, but i can't justify being in a relationship and still wanting that attention.

i'm not really saying it's WRONG, but it's just not something that's right for me.

just as it hurts my little heart to think about my sweety giving those kinds of thoughts and that kind of attention to another person, i'm sure it would hurt his too.

but that may just be me hehe.

and my sweety gives me millions of butterflies everytime i look at him, think of him, touch him.. etc

 

LOL Super, haven't seen you in a while, welcome back around.



As far as my real relationship with my actual boyfriend, we are perfectly fine. He has little crushes on people as do I. There is no chance in hell that I'm ever going to get it on with Johnny Depp, therefore I see nothing wrong with it. Actually in all of the psychology books I've read they say people who have a rich fantasy life are actually more in tune with their partner and have a better sex life than those who don't think about anyone else. We really aren't pushing any limits. I've never gone out looking for Johnny Depp or a Johnny Depp look a like. I love Jer with all of my heart. And he certainly gives me chillie willies every time I think about him. I personally think that it is unhealthy to not think of anyone else. Just because you are in a relationship with someone doesn't mean you are dead. Finding someone attractive and admiring them from afar is not cheating on your partner, not even close. And Jer is well aware of my infatuation with certain famous fellows, and even my old grade school crush. He doesn't feel threatened. Nor do I when he talks about attractive women. If you are secure in your relationship to begin with, this shouldn't be an issue.

 

thanks for the welcome back dear! yeah i go into hibernation every so often

but oh yeah that's totally different! thinking actors and musicians are hot is one thing. i mean, i want to have bela fleck's babies because he is the most masterful musician eeeever.

but it'd be weird to have a person whom i see and talk to and get giddy and excited and think about all the time in "that way" -- or for my sweety to have that. blech i don't want to think of him looking forward to seeing some chick all the time, getting all excited about it and not just because she's cool but because he's thinking "damn if i didn't have a girlfriend i'd be all up on that." eww. no thanks!

that's more what i'm saying is just definitely not something for me.

 

Sometimes I think that because of crushes it helps us to appreciate the one we're with. Also, there's a lot you can learn from being close to someone without crossing the line.

 

Ahhh yes Super, I definitely see what you are saying. I would be very upset if Jeremy was ooogling over other girls, resenting the fact that he has a girlfriend. Mostly though, he tells me how stupid these girls that he comes into contact with are (he works in computer service, so he has to meet the public) and how he is so grateful to have someone like me who is not only sexy but intelligent as well. Hehehe. And I'm just as lucky to have him.

 

Don't feel bad. I'm engaged to someone whom I love VERY much and I have a crush on a girl who is 5 years younger than me but we're both attracted to each other. We've discussed many times what we should have done before this all happened and what we'd do to each other if we could. It's a good thing she lives 3 hours away..........

 

So if she didn't live 3 hours away, would you cheat on your fiance with this crush?

 

Well I don't condone cheating and since it's only a crush and I have something way better only 10 minutes away, I'd say no.

 

lol i was just teasin you... forgot the smilie