my time in her

how sweet was the tastse,
the smell,
the feel of my love,


the hardness of my heart,
as it cracks to form a new shape,
two hearts merge into one,

we are one now,
me and her,
now til forever

 

Not bad. Simple and to the point, yet descriptive. However, adding the proper PUNCUATION would make it read better and more meaningfully. It's somewhat confusing without punctuation.

 

It would look a little better like this.

how sweet was the taste,
the smell,
and the feel of my love,


the hardness of my heart,
as it cracks to form a new shape,
two hearts merge into one,

we are at one,
me and her,
from now till forever




Tom .....PS.punctuation helps

 

your right let me chnage that thanks for the tip they are always welcome

 

No worries man, you should check out www.freewebs.com/tomholmespoetry its my up-and-coming poetry site.

 

we can all use a little help from our friends dont take it personally

 

Exactly what he said.

 

freinds were lol

 

nice.... i like the last stanza...you can feel the emotion

 

The last stanza is really simple, short and sweet. It makes a firm point and does it well.

 

i wrote that a while back after my first time wrote it to her

 

awww thats sweet...lol i wish some guy would write me poetry...oh well thatll never happen so no use thinking bout it...

 

i always have found a great way to express my love is to wright poetry for the woman i give my heart to


after all love is the joining of two hearts two minds and two souls into one perfect
new beautiful creature that is love

 

I tell ya what Ibve when ur next fucking a woman whisper poetry in her ear, my girl seems to like it.

 

well i don't think i will be having sex any time soon sice my love my and soul died in a car crash :sniff1:

 

I like it. It's raw and quick, like good, satisfying, animalistic sex. As Paris would say, "That's hot."

 

i agree with everything you changed except now and forever to from now til forever

 

your right it does sound better the old way more truth ad soul

 

~