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opinions?

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by sniffmagikmarkrs, Jun 28, 2007.

  1. sniffmagikmarkrs

    sniffmagikmarkrs Senior Member

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    haha.... pretty self explanatory



    Each shudder grows in intensity
    the passionate eyes burning into mine
    love engrained in them

    My lover's eyes deep pools
    in which i would gladly drown

    Each breath now a gasp
    the waves now crashing
    the eyes close
    a monsoon commencing

    pounding the shore
    harder, faster
    screaming now
    holding on for precious life
    the waves crash together

    MY GOD! Love,
    YOU were made for ME
     
    sniffmagikmarkrs, Jun 28, 2007
    #1
  3. floydianslip6

    floydianslip6 Senior Member

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    That's really a beautiful piece. Though at first I wasn't really into it. For me the first stanza is kind of "throw away" in a sense that I see how it got the piece started, but reading it over without it and adding (are) to the line (so it makes up for the lost first stanza): "My lover's eyes deep pools" gets right into the poem and the point.

    but it's not my work, I think it's fantastic I'd be curious if you intended on carrying this theme out with other forces of nature.
     
    floydianslip6, Jun 29, 2007
    #2
  5. sniffmagikmarkrs

    sniffmagikmarkrs Senior Member

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    thank you!

    more please!
     
    sniffmagikmarkrs, Jun 30, 2007
    #3
  7. tomandhismuse

    tomandhismuse Banned

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    I really enjoyed that, I have a bit of a weakness for love poems, keep it up.
    Tom
     
    tomandhismuse, Jul 1, 2007
    #4
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