The Scintillating Sin No one will HEAR, The scintillating, scream, Slicing the Suffocating Saturninity, Surrounding the Battered and B r o k e n Body. No one will SEE. The loathing, lechery, Lightly, lingering, On the bloody blanket Blissfully, Surrounding the Tattered and To r n Teen. No one will FEEL. The prevailing, pain, Penetrating, through The frigid, Fetus, Frantically fighting, Inside the Frail and flimsy female. And no one will KNOW That the smiling, saint, Kissing, her Crimson cheek Slowly and Secretly, Is a SINNER!
eloquently written...conveying a deep feeling with a very thought out word choice...this poem is beautifull......:rainbow: love the creative use to of fonts as well ~TR1PP
Fantastic its like a random selection of words that are rambled by a drunk person and theres even some that are made up. maybe if you were to concentrate on getting it to sound like a poem that would be excellent ! If you make a recording of this poem and play it backwards you can hear someone praying to god
I actually like this poem very much. It has a lot going for it, but the poet was totally wrong to disperse it like this over the page. All the good work and essence of the poem has gone to waste. I would not have even read it if it weren't for a couple of comments in here. By spreading it out like this, all the focus is taken away from all the alliteration and theme. I can appreciate that the poet wanted to enrich a sense of drama and pathos, but this style works better when the propositions are small and simple sound bites, a bit like breadcrumbs that the reader follows to the end. Alternatively, what we have here is quite a dynamic word-play which would have been better presented in traditional form, with perhaps a spreading out of one or two lines. I re-arranged the poem below, just so that I could read it better, and it really is a wonderful poem, even the use of capitals, and rough grammar actually suit the mood. It was just the global expansion that ruined it. I am sure that reading it like this shows the beaty of this poem in a far better light. There are poems that can be written in the style that the poet chose, but this deserves better than that.
thank you white scorpion you are right the poem looks a lot better with a different format thanks for the advice! xoxo Jenn
could you in your informed opinion explain to me what exactly a poem sounds like? yes - well it sounds like poetry - if when you read it, it doesnt sound like poetryt then its not poetry - because poetry is not simply words on a page designed to be read silently they are also meant to be played in the mind or read aloud for the lyrical content - the music or the melody of the words as they are spoken now this is a poem ! http://youtube.com/watch?v=YuEgeOjWRBA and this http://youtube.com/watch?v=6kLhZTP4ywY&mode=related&search=
personally i prefer this..... http://youtube.com/watch?v=J5cOJjlyh7w and this.... http://youtube.com/watch?v=oQ_o660d0oc but it is all subjective....dependant on your sense taste.....
