The Stinky old bastard with a bad smelling crack

Oce upon a time a little boy was walking through the woods when all of a sudden a parrot swooped out of the trees and landed on his shoulder. The boy freaked out and shat himself as he ran but the parrot clung on to his shoulder as it was the best white knuckle ride he had had in ages - by now the boy was screaming and so the parrot squaked "waAAaaaaaaahahahahaha run run faster or I will kill all your family " then he squaked "do a left do a left waaahahahaha lets go see the smelly tramp ! " the boy ran and ran and did as he was told eventually the parrot said "STOP" and the boy stopped and the parrot said "go on set light to the drunken old methylated spirits drinking old shit!"
so the boy did it and the parrot flew away and after that experience the boy lived in a nut-house forever after !

 

its just an idea for a song thats all ! I was going to offer it to marylin manson

 

Some very insane images, but the title doesn't do much justice to the content. As you have sussed out this is a predominant Christian value forum, so the response to it will be minimal, in case they go to hell for reading subversive material!

 

I wonder what stephen king would think if he read it ?

 

It made me laugh, but it definitely needs pictures.

 

tried everywhere to find a picture of a burning tramp but this is the nearest i got
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/kent/4237031.stm

 

heres another story

One day the young girl switched her radio on. It had been a present from her auntie who was an inventor at MIT in the USA.
Just as she switched it on the batteries died and so she replaced them with the new set her auntie had put in the cupboard.
The new batteries didnt work either so she rattled the radio and tried again. still no luck so she went and got a screwdriver from the garage. She sat at the table and opened the case. it fell into two halves - "oh shit", thought the girl, absolutely nothing I can fix, but then she noticed a button with tiny writing on the circuit board below it.
She went upstairs and returned with a magnifying glass and read the words "do not press"
She weighed up the pro's and cons of pressing it. "nothing to lose really because it dont work anyway"

she pressed the button
nothing happened for about 10 seconds then there was a whirring noise followed by some clanking sounds and suddenly one of her tits fell off, rapidly followed by both her butt cheeks and her other tit - two seconds later both her arms and her legs dropped to the floor and she died.

The moral of the story is - if you are told not to do something then dont fuckin do it or you could end up in a heap on the floor

 

This is a great uptake on the old proverb "If it ain't broke, don't fix it".

Ronnie, these stories are great. I think you should do a whole collection of them in the style of a modern day Aesop's fables.

Can you do a modern version of the 'Hare and the Tortoise'?

 

It was a lovely bright sunny day in the garden and the rabbit was hopping around thinking "I fuckin hope that sad old shit tortoise doesnt ruin my fucking day by coming here and making me look a complete **** in front of everyonelse like he normally does otherwise i might just smash his brains in with a a fuck off big oily hammer with tar and creosote stuck to it that I know is at the bottom of Squirrels tool kit"

then just as rabbit thought that, who should appear but tortoise, accompanied by two armed bodyguards - foxdude and Fuckfox - "awwight wabbit hows it goin mah san! gorrd blimey fack me you dont look happy - wazza matter life gettin you down is it"?

just then rabbit exploded he had had enough with one swift movement he stabbed the body guards in the eyes with two knives that dropped from his sleeves into his hands.
then before tortoise had time to respond he grabbed him and stabbed his shell 96 times till tortoise was dead.

someone had called the pigs -= who came running in ad surrounded rabbit "Get on the pig wagon rabit your fackin time is over you big evil bastard"
Rabbit just looked at him and then beyond him -
"tell me one thing officer" he said "have you ever noticed that human following us around writing down everything we do and say"
The police officers looked at each other and shook their heads
"batty as a fruitcake - as insane as a pineapple - a human following us round writing what we do and say wuhuh hahaha well I never they will put you in the funny farm my lad you just see"

 

I can't believe people have a go at you Ronnie. You're the prime asset of this forum.

"That human following us about writing everything we do and say!" Haaaahhahahahah

That is the BEST story in the whole forum. Who would have thought of that? Not even Kenyans.

 

thats da,mn good. I like it

 

thank you, thank you !

 

Sara, an eleven year old, stood in the kitchen bored out of her mind and idly picked up an elastic band and flicked it at a fly she saw on the window. the elastic band hit the fly and killed it. "Fucking ace shot" she thought as she opened the fridge door and helped herself to an ice cream on a stick. then immediately forgot about the dead fly. She skipped across the kitchen floor and went outside to play.

just as she reached the grass a remorse so powerful overcame her that almost without thinking she realised she had become a war criminal in the battle of the millenium - man versus nature - she went to the garden shed and stepped inside. "I wont let nature judge me" she thought, "nature will win this battle and give me the death sentence after a lengthy trial ", and almost without thinking any further took down the stanley knife and slit her own throat to cheat nature of its victory

 

These ephemeral stories are great Ronnie. Keep it up. I can't believe people say that you don't write in here. This proves otherwise.

 

in that piccy it looks like that woman could crack walnuts in her butt cheeks at christmas

 

She can crack "any" nuts with those cheeks.

 

I'd like her to try cracking my cock nuts with her butt cheeks

 

You'll have to ask Stephen King first.

 

I wonder if her crotch smells like moon over key biscane

 

I hope not. She's subject to copyright. P.S. I don't want anyone masterbating over my art out there. It's bad for the eyes.