Relationship and Trust problems

Hello, I'm looking for some advice, hopefully someone can help me

Heres a bit of the backstory: I dated my gf at first 4 years ago for 2 years. One night at a party I met an old female friend of mine and I was really into talking to her since I haven't seen her in 2 months. This made my gf jealous and combined with being drunk she decided she wanted to get me back. She ended up flirting with a guy at the party, and ended up sleeping with him when I left that night (She said she wanted to stay longer and get a rid home with another friend). She said she felt awful told me about it the next night. A fight (nothing physical I refuse to hit women) ensured and it ended up me breaking it up with her. About a year later, we ended up getting back together, becuase I still had feelings for her, and she did have them for me. It's been 8 months, and I am happy with her, but I am still having trust issues with her. Before I never cared if she hung out with male friends, but now when she does I always worry, espicaly if there is alcholl around (since when she cheated on me she was drunk). I think she took notice, and finnaly asked me one day if I did trust her. I answered honestly and said I still had a hard time trusting her. It really upset her, but I had to speak the truth.

I really love being with her, and I know she loves me, but I'm just having troubles. Maybe I'm just being stupid and foolish and I should get over it, but it's just really hard for me. Thanks for reading, maybe someone can shed some light and help me out.

 

I think you should just chill out and trust her, she isn't likely to cheat on you. She only cheated on you the last time because she got jelous, which I think I would of done the same thing. I don't think shes likely to cheat on you again she only wanted revenge and I think maybe she thought it wasn't worth it because she might end up loosing you, thats why she is with you now.

 

Of coarse you can't trust an untrustworthy person, why did you think you could? Once the trust is broken it doesn't heal itself no matter what her intentions are now. Lifes too short to not be with someone you can depend on.

 

As long as you are honest with you things should get better. Also remember that when she did cheat she was honest with you about it. She didn't lie about it. That does say something for her. She cared respected you enough to lie to you . She could have hid it you would have never known. So try and keep an open mind.

 

i agree with the above but i would tell her how u feel & especialy when drunk & ask her to try not to drink
she was honnest.. i think she feels terrible & wont happen again but ya need to talk & work things out & learn t trust & alcahols lil counterproductive to trustworthyness

 

once a slut always a slut, so treat that slut like a slut. she cheated on you my dude, yet your back with her, she fucked another dick behind your back, she straight betrayed you homie and took you for a fuckin chump, and the fact that your back with her proves that point, you need to be slapped.

 

i think there should be a one strike rule as far as cheating goes in relationships. even if you do learn to trust her again (which i never would) that thought of her with another guy is going to be in the back of your mind. i wouldnt have gotten back together with her in the first place

 

i think its admirable that youre giving her a second chance, im not sure i could personally . but she has to understand that the trust has been broken and can only be rebuilt with time and patience, its not gonna come back instantaneously since she cheated on you

 

i concur with this^. fuck that shit.

once a cheat, always a cheat.

 

damn.... are you white?

 

wow.. ok, what i think is

people make mistakes, everyone does, some learn from them and others keep repeating them and for cheating there can be so many causes for it, that's why its so important to have good communication, i can tell you what i think/feel and I can do the same, even if its not things that want to be heard, they are things that need to be said (not talking about insulting each other, that gets you nowhere), i think were there is real love to begin with, if a person cheats and you are wise enough to learn your lesson, it can bring you closer and the person that has cheated has a new security of you are the person that i love and want and there's no need for me to be with anyone else than you, and yeah regaining the trust takes time and effort and it makes everything hard but if you are able to survive through it, is just a proof of how great is your love and it will bring you closer than ever.

 

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MATTER?

 

i think that not trusting someone after they have been unfaithful is a normal natural human instinct. some of us would never forgive but some of us know we are not perfect and can afford to be forgiving. i say that trust is also earned once it has been lost.if you love her and it is right for you to stick it out with her then go for it. you cannot force someone to stay faithful but you have to be willing to deal with your insecurities, ie;; her cheating again.keep your guard up and like you have so eleoquently done, be honest about your feelings to her.good luck

 

her being honnest with you is huge dude, most cheatters, real cheaters lie about theyre cheatting, if shes honnest about it it means she feels really bad & doesnt ever want to let it happen again, talkk to her give her a chance & let the trust grow slowly, but be honnest about the distrust too
being open & honnest you can build something stronger then u had & find a whole new level of trust
trust her just cause shes honnest
if i hadnt, i wouldnt have the amazing relationship i have today

 

both my wives cant step outside without dozens of people flirting with them, & theyre both so open & freindly they seem to be flirty at times too innocently though,
there was a cheatting incident, but i understood, & everything was totaly honnest & we got past it without much problem, & god we grew & yes it took lil time for the trust to return but its far more complete then ever now. i have never trusted any1 as much as i trust them, & its all because we were so honnest with eachother, & built something far stronger.. in fact if that incident hadnt happened we may not be as strong as we are today, so use it to grow together, nit be forced apart

remember the ages of every1 saying once a slut always a slut & realize theyre relationship experience is seriusly limmeted by theyre immaturity

be mature & have a mature relationship based on communication not fucking & your trust will return

 

Logically, I do understand that people make mistakes. But if you love someone, really truly love someone, the last thing you wanna do is to hurt that person. So you can't really afford to make that kind of a mistake. I could not live with myself if I ever caused that much pain to my partner. And also, I could not live with him if he ever did that to me, no matter what the circumstances. Some mistakes can be forgiven, but some are too big and painful to ever be forgiven... But I realize that that's just my personal opinion. In any case, good luck to you. I hope you'll find a way to work things out and be happy.

 

i agree kosmic, but also, why does it hurt so bad? because the loves really there othertwise it wouldnt matter right? pains only temporary.. yes pain can be intence, but it will fade..
love causes the pain..
if..if your able to get through the pain & build a real trust based on trustwothyness, then isnt a few weeks of pain worthwhile?
i'm not saying let her walk all over u & cheat over & over, but only since shes so honnest, i think a second chance isnt a big deal, & talk about it honnestly, & u may discover shes got deeper reasons, & just needs extra understanding & care & will heal from this along with you & become a better partner

 

If you feel the need to cheat, then maybe you don't really love your partner as much... Because if the mutual love is there, what more do you need? No matter what problems you might have in the relationship, if there's love then why on earth would you go and cheat because that's not how those problems are solved..

 

sometimes things arent that simple, its not about being happy in a relationship but in being happy with yourself, & like i said earlier alcahol was involved wich is the enemy of trustworthyness, but regardeless, she may have emotional issues & her own trust issues that led to it, but these things dont need to spell disaster, only something that needs understanding & care to work through, communicate & you'll soon discover if this is an issue u can work through together, or if its a lifelong issue that has no hope of being ressolved..
very few people can say they've never made a mistake they regretted..
but the trustworthjy ones are the ones why try hard to make sure they dont make one again
i'd seriusly ask her to stop drinking 1st off (maybe u should too to make it easier) & work on the trust issue togrether, not by controlling who eachother spends time with, but by being open & honnest about your feelings & working with eachother to ensure thre wont be a repeat

all i can say is, i wouldnt have the best & most trustworthy relationship of my life, if i wasnt able to see that what happened wasnt about me at all, but something she needed to deal with in her life, & when we got past it & grew, we both became better people, & the pain vannished, the trust grew to total completion, & i'm the happiest ive ever been..
how can i ever be mad that now shes stronger? now shes better & now shes happier with herself?
to the OP ypour girls very upset over what happened, & wants to heal
dont kick her when shes down, give her a chance, help her grow & become better & happier, the happier she is with herself, the better she'll be with you

remember, most peoples trust issues have nothing to do with you, but come from way back, is she the product of a broken home? divorce? an unhappy family life? look at her past to understand her actions now, & help her see why she was being that way, & understand it & work together to heal eachother