My wife and i have been tring anal sex on her for some time now. she loves to have it rubbed and to put pressure on it while i fuck her. but one a couple times have i been able to get my finger or a very small dildo in. The problem that we are having is that last bit of muscel in the rectum. that will not loosen up no matter what. I have tried to tell that it is do to her not being relaxed enough (based on what i have read from this and other boards). She wants to do it but that one thing stops her. what we would like to know is, if there are other people (man or women) that have had the same issue and how they over came it. My wife if not a small women, she is not huge or anything just a few extra pounds and she has a nice full ass (not sure if that would have anything to do with it.) We are both in to anal and she does thing on me and i have done things to my self, and i have noticed that the area between the iner and outer rectum muscels is longer on my wife the it is on me.(if you unsure of what i mean is from the very most outer part of the rectum to just the inside of the rectum). it is not the lube factor. we have tried many diffrent types and we have also tried things like anal ese to helm numb it a bit but no help there. We would both love any help that you could give a couple want to have anal sex with both partners.
All I can suggest is to work up to it. Make sure she is fully aroused through means other than anal beforehand so that she is as relaxed as possible. Try not to make it "Okay, now we'll get you aroused for the anal", adding pressure, but more "We can try anal again later if you want...I think it's really fun trying new things out there, it's a challenge", as in approach it as being fun whether it works or not. Lube up, and then use your finger, and keep going till you've gotten all the fingers you can comfortably get in. Continue lubing, massaging and what not, and ensuring to giving her attention other than anal, and get her to continue fingering herself so she won't be so focused on her ass muscles(she'll try to relax them, and in the pressure of the situation end up tensing them). Then try the smaller dildo, and just continue working up to getting yourself in. I've found through my own solo play that sometimes I need to use a smaller object first, and work upwards in size, or, if I'm using a larger object working lubing it in, easing it in a little, removing it, jerking off, lubing, easing in a little more, removing, jerking off, lubing.etc.etc, until it's all the way in and I just get on with it. Sometimes I just jerk off for ages, lube up a massive cucumber and, continuing to jerk off, quickly ram it upwards, and jerking off till I come in all of 10 seconds it's been up my ass. For you and your wife might I suggest a similar approach? Finger her, eat her out, perhaps just have regulat vaginal intercourse, do everything to ensure she's as aroused and relaxed as possible, then continue to finger her, or have her do it herself. Lube her and your fingers up, and slowly insert as far and as much as possible. Then remove and allow her to finger herself a little more. Lube, repeat until she's entirely comfortable with the fingers. Then repeat with a small dildo, and work upwards until you get to an object approximately the size of your dick, and onwards until she's entirely comfortable with that object. Then lube up, have her continue to finger herself(perhaps wash one of the used dildoes and have her use that on her front), then ease herself in. Sounds simple, but that's how I do. Lube up, focus on the front while the object is being inserted, and make sure the insertee is as aroused as possible.
Start at the other end of the room and get a good run going. The momentum should help things quite a bit.
Thanks for the great info. i would to get some other peoples advice as well. just to give me lots of options
