ok , as you all know by now , I am in a relatrionship with Alex she is twenty something years my junior , AND the same sex,,,,we both love each other dearly , but are having the usual problems with her family , andy advice would be GREATLY appreciated !!
Yes... We want to Live Together... I have Never Loved Anyone as much as I Love Gerri...And I Can Not Imagine What Life Would be Like Without Her... my mother and Younger Sibling know She is my Best Friend... We Send Each Other Stuff Through mail... And Constantly Talking as much Chance as we Get... my Family...I Have Not told them Yet...That I am Inlove with Gerri...And I want to Live with Her... my mother knows I am Bi...From the Last Girl I Loved...And Lost... But...We Have Never Discussed it... She is Slightly Homophobic... And Suspicious of mine and Gerri's Growing Friendship... As is my Sibling...Who on Several Occasions Has Almost Caught onto What is Going on... my mother Stopped me Going to See Gerri April Gone... She is a Little Controling...While I am Living with Her... I know She Would Not Accept Our Relationship... And Would Do Anything She Could to Stop me Going to Live with Her... Which is WHy I am Trting to Put Off telling my True Feelings of Gerri to my mother...For as Long as I Can... A few Times my mother Has Questioned my Friendship with Her... She Can't Understand the Age Gap friendship... I just Do Not know How to Explain to my mother... I want my mother to Accept my Relationship and be Happy for me... And just Let me Go...
Just leave. People don't change. Oh some things might seem to change on the surface, and yes, we do change as we grow. But...the core of who, what, we are. It's always the same. Your mother is your mother. She can't (and nor should she) help that. She does what she does out of love. She does it because she wants what SHE thinks is right for you. Even if that isn't truly what is right for you. In short. She has her opinion, she's got her mind made up, and once someone's got their mind made up no-one and nothing can change that (unless you can start some doubts to niggle away at her, but that's not gonna happen). So...your only choice is to tell her, but before you do, I'd be prepared to leave. Given what you've said there's a strong chance she won't like it, and as you said, will want to stop it. So, you do need to be ready to leave for your own sake, for your own happiness. That's my thoughts on the matter anyway. =/ This IS at half 2 in the morning mind...so maybe I'll have another think in the morning (the morning starting at 12pm as per my usual days... >.< ).
I know I am Going to have to just Walk Out in the End... But that isn't What I want... I Love my Family and I Can Not just Walk Out Unexpected One Day... However...my Love for Gerri is so Strong... I want to be with Her...And be Given the Chance of Happiness.. So...In an Ideal World...I Would Like to Explain my Relationship with Gerri to my mother...And I Would Like Her Support... I Don't know How to Deal with my mother... my mother Certainly will Not Like the Age Gap...
Yes, I think you should at least try telling her. People are full of surprises, but, in all honesty I can't see your mother accepting it, at least not at first. Which is why I'd be prepared to leave before you tell her. I expect that in time she'll come around. Most people do. She'll realise it's not worth losing you completely. =/ She loves you, love changes people's perspectives on things. It makes fools of us all.
Well... Since I will be moving to Another Country... The Distance will be Great... Another Reason my mother will Do Everything to Stop me Leaving... I mean...I was telling Her (When I was in College) that I Would be Leaving for Uni One Day Soon...And She Burst into Tears Saying She Could Not Bear me to Go... She Resorts to Emotional Blackmail.. And Always Gets Her Own Way... Not to mention She keeps Owning me my Savings... Like a Ploy to Stop me Going Any Where if I Wanted to because She Owes me my money...And I Can't make Any Travel Arrangements...Until I Get it All Back...
IS THIS AN INTERNAL DISCUSSION THREAD? Because it is far from evident what the subject is except about age gap.. but the rest is prety mystical, and no we do not all know what you are talking about so if you need advices, you better tell what the problem is. the answers i red said you got to leave your mum,, but, arent oyu a bit too old to be livign with your mama? just asking.
Hmm. You can't live your life like that though. =/ You have to break free from her control. Somehow. To just...live your own life. My parents were pretty controlling, they always pushed me to be better than everyone else around me, always pushing me, and making me what they wanted to be...since moving away to uni...it's just...so amazingly free. =( You do need to get away, I think even if just for a short break. A week's holiday or a fortnight. Some space to think.
Okay, this is going to be really weird since I'm the other side of this whole "triangle". But since it's no secret I'm in love with Gerri/erze/Willow Jon as well and am close to Alex/mudpuddle, I guess I can put in my two cents without being too out of line since I qualify as an "interested party". First of all, the age thing is purely irrelevant... that's simply a matter of perception. No one thinks that much about an older man and a younger woman any more... why should it make a difference when the sex happens to be the same? That's simple prejudice... even when it's involving the view of family members. As far as Alex and her home situation, I'll respond directly to her... The real problems stem from your living circumstances. That you're still in the house with your family and help take care of your younger brother is the real crux of things. Your mother has too much control over your circumstances right now for you to act without any thought of the results. An open declaration of your love for Gerri to your mom and brother wouldn't really accomplish much but create an atmosphere of tension... and give you mother even more reason to try to manipulate your situation. She already controls your living situation, and she has control of most of your finances. You're basically at her mercy to a great degree. I'm not saying that you should cave in to her expectations because of that. I'm saying you need to get a bit more control of your own life before you start making declarations about your lifestyle. I realize that sucks, and it isn't fair... but it is practical, and your lifestyle is your own business. Your saying something to your family isn't going to change who you are, or how you feel, or how Gerri feels about you. I know it may feel like you're not being open and honest with your family, but let's face it... you don't have enough control of your own life yet to be able to say "I don't care what you think" to your family, and that's what the situation requires. If you have enough control to say "This is who I am and you can accept that or not" and you can accept whatever arises from that, then great. Until you do have that kind of control of your own life, I'd say discretion is the better part of valor, at least for the moment. And don't forget... Gerri's not in a place where you can simply move in with her, so you don't have a backup plan in place yet. Have some patience. Nothing needs to happen tomorrow. Take your time and wrest back some of the control your mother has over your life before you try anything more drastic than that. Just my opinion...
Heh. I live away from home most of the time and I STILL don't have control of my life...still...a few years from now and I'll be able to be fully independant... And Alex, as you know (and I know it's not a good soloution, one which I hope will never be needed) if something ever does go wrong, if your mother ever does (which I doubt) kick you out you've always a place to stay. Even if I'm at home I'm sure I can convince my parents to let you stay. I can afford to pay them rent. *shrugs* Anyway. Like I said, something I hope you never have to take me up on...but...worse case scenario...
Wesley!!! That is very Nice of you to Offer... But I Think I will Find Some Way to get by... I just know Something Good is Going to Happen...
You ask for advice on a public forum but then shun people for giving their opinion and counsel because you dont know them and theyre not your "friend"...i was going to give a lengthy response to your problem but im worried to now, seeing as you dont know me Oh well Just incase my advice is acceptable, id say as long as youre absolutely reasonably sure this relationship is righ then follow your heart...your mother is wrong to stand in the way but i understand you still love her, so try your best to tell her that and to still be there as much as possible But thats just me
No...its not a lie..its the truth....and lots of people on the forums already know it.....so..its not a big deal anymore......Muddie and I will be together soon...I hope.
I Do Not mind Advice... But I am Not Going to Stand by and be Insulted... Thank You for your Advice...
Well i hope you do too, if its true love, no matter about age or gender I just dont understand all the sneakery and cover-ups...ok if someone may read who you dont want to, but theres no need to be so shifty with other people who are merely interested or wanting to support. This is a public place afterall
