I'm not usually pleased with how my poems turn out, but this time I am. Enjoy this one and let me know what you think. Darkest Place Gathering discretely in the night, Are the fleeting thoughts That fuel my imagination. The trees beneath which I rest, Like others, like the night, And like my own quest for solitude, Protect me from a piercing eye; Shroud me from the passers-by. At first glance, you'd never see me. As a perfectly brainwashed child Remains at the mercy of those media sharks, The coarse and wrinkled skin of my face Cannot be distinguished from the bark 'neath my ears; I have no desire to part with these coiled roots... 'Round my toes, through my heart, in my mind. Though had it been but an evening stroll, A gracefully slow-paced promenade Among an onslaught of nature's finest, Perhaps then you might have saved me. Upon seeing with your mind's eye, and With it shedding but a single tear, A stillness could have later been recalled. During the sunny days of spring in the north, She is the first drip of an ancient icicle; The offspring to first venture from the nest; Her cautious curiosity is stunning. As she kneels to peer inside my soul, I am freed by the moon and the stars... Each reflected in her diamond eyes. Hand in hand, she leads the way.
That's too bad.. I really like it haha. It flows nicely and offers good imagery (if you read through the punctuation properly)... Dont think that I'm bragging, its just that Im usually overly critical of my work.
I think that the part of it that just seems really out of place is the term "media sharks"... those words just don't fit.
I have to agree with the "Media Sharks", it's like being in a mind set, a thousand yard stare in thought when an intrusive rank voice comes out a speaker, "Can I take your order?", and you barely realize where you are let alone what you want,.......... and your back in redundant reality, in it's sad benign, bland reward(s), and you've lost thee ability to recapture that stare, that thought........ And it's my opinion a little hubbleness couldn't hurt, I know most writers on here don't know me, but I've been writting on this forum for over 7 years, if your looking for a pat on the back, your going about it the wrong way, I hope you have long arms, you may find yourself doing most the work, my feeling in general would be; I know of a positive nature, so I'm not attacking you, but this forum back when would be tearing you up, I say this from anothers experience on here, he wrote well, but it was he himself every one saw, even before they read what it was he wrote, and no one liked his expressions, so know this!, we all, everyone!!!! has to work on how we express ourself's, regarless the route, music, painting etc... No need to retort with rhetoric, or misspellings, or grammer or anthing else for I've heard it all, many times, and it'll just reflect poorly on you, hell!, I won't be back anyway to this post so save your time, returning just to see what you thought fall,s in the catagory of vanity as well...... Devon Knight ~
