anybody know what wrong with me

Hello I want to use this thread to help figure out a problem I got going on. Well it all started about 3 months ago when I had a flashback on a school night at midnight then my dad called and said I had to be home now. So I was droping some friends off smoking still and felt in no way I should talk to my dad. So when I got back home I felt like I was triping hardcore and had to listen to my dad just talkbulshit forever. The thing is I don't usely get flashbacks and when I do its just usely trails after smoking lots of pot. Well I felt prety down for awile and a week later I got back on my ADD meds for school nothing to strong just 20mgs but when I took them I never felt myself and I started to freek out after a week of being realy happy and energenic totaly out of my charecter. After awile of coming of and on the addrial I felt biporal as hell and it depresed me then my memory just blew up one day right after I quit taking the addrial. I think about alot of things now and can't renember anything I was thinking about even an 30 min later I prety much live on a day by day thing just cause my brains all foged up and my short term memory is gone. I feel that im not my self anymore in a bad way after all the addrial. Im depresed , slow , anti social, and have a 5 minute attention span some days I feel like death but the only thing that keeps me around is hope that one day Il be my old self I also can't stop thinking about acid agin after that flashback probly think about it every other day like an adiction or something can some one please help with some self help advice or has anybudy ever felt like this. I don't know whats going on anymore fucking failed out of high school and shit loosing alot of friends I don't know what to do and feel crazy as fuck. Am I ever coming back or am I just straight fucked for life.

Thank you all for your help and suport this realy means alot to me I don't feel like asking my friends for help because all there telling me to do is get back in highschool and some of them said they wouldn't talk to me if I didn't go back. But living is hard enough now and thats something they can't understand and I realy don't want them to see me all sad and shit.

Peace and Love Everyone

 

How often do you trip?

I have used drugs myself but never done it alot.

I have however suffered from sever panic and anxiety disorder and some of the things you mention about thinking about alot of stuff, not being able to remember things (though i could remember a bit longer than 30 minutes), feeling really depressed, anti-social, etc all remind me of what I went through when I was suffering from severe panic disorder and anxiety.

I went from wanting to be a concert pianist and being in a school for performing arts to not being able to play piano at all for fear of people hearing me. I felt utterly fucked up and I hadn't been on any drugs, at the time.

Do you have a doctor you can trust? Do you feel comfortable with your doctor? Even if you don't talk about the drug aspect I would certainly try to talk to a professional about how you are feeling. I've never had ADD myself so don't know how that would interact with everything else.

As much as you probably love your friends, don't worry about them right now, just worry about yourself and trying to sort yourself out. Maybe lay off the acid/shrooms and such for awhile. Does smoking make you paranoid and even more freaked out?
I know for me, smoking would help if I was having an anxiety attack ... the problem is, as my anxiety got worse the more I would smoke ... so it was a bit of a double-edged sword.

Hopefully someone else might be able to add to this for you and know more about the Adderal as well.

Hang in there.

 

Im not that hardcore of a triper but I havn't taken any cid or shrooms since Iv been feeling bad. As for smoking the tree it depends I can be feeling great on it or sometimes Il get realy quite and want to say things but I can't and Il tell my self to ssnap out of it and start talking but I just continue to sit there and zone out into noweres vill. Its horible it makes me feel fucking nuts. I love to smoke weed and i t use to make me feel my self but now I think it just adds to the problem. Is there anyway I can cure my problem without perscription drugs because I don't like them after the addrial experice I also had a time in my youth were I was put on anti depresents for a month and I stole a golf cart hella stupidly and crashed it so I quit thouse too. Thank you so much for your advice so far glad to know somebody else has gone threw what I have your words realy did help and im going to try to have more confidence with my foged up.

 

I can understand how it seems that life sucks for you right now, but you are not fucked for life. You are just on a new course.

This is pretty simple to do, but it's going to take persistence and commitment. You are going to have to look at what is going on inside your head. When you "hear" something said in your mind, you are not to presume that it is the you of you saying it. Sometimes, as we go through life we seem to "collect" a few voices. For instance, you may hear the voice of your mom, your dad, your best friend, a school teacher, etc, etc.

Whenever you hear something said in your mind, you are to ask the voice that said it this question: "Are thou of this one's personage?" You can ask this mentally, or you can ask it vocally. Then, listen (mentally) to what that voice says in response to the question. The response that you hear in your mind will tell you whether or not that voice was yours ? the you of you ? or one of these old voices that are just hanging around.

If it is your person, the you of you, then the response from that voice will be heard (in your mind) to say: "This is one of these, who says for these, as it is said; as it is said by these...(and so on)." These are the words that your (mental) voice will automatically respond with when asked that question. This response identifies to yourself that what was heard in your mind was a statement said by the you of you.

However, when you ask the question, "Are thou of this one's personage?", and some other words are heard as the response, then you need to do something. After all, you don't want yourself thinking that this is your own voice that is saying these statements when it is something else. What you do is say (mentally, or even vocally if you want to) these words: "Very, very most improbable."

For example, if you hear a voice in your mind say something about a flashback, you would say to that voice "Are thou of this one's personage?", and then listen (in your mind) to what it responds with. If you hear it say something other than "This is one of these, who says...(as it is said by you)", then that response tells you that this is one of these old voices just hanging around. And, what you need to do then is to say, "Very, very most improbable."

Some examples of things that you might hear in response are: "no", or "well", or "You never asked that before", or even "Yes". But, these are what are said by those old voices hanging around, and not said by the you of you. So then you say, "Very, very most improbable".

At this point in your life you are fortunate to be in a position where you can really give this some attention. You can begin right away to say to the next voice that you hear in your mind, "Are thou of this one's personage?" See what it says in response. And if it is other then what your voice responds with, then say "Very, very most improbable". And continue to do this with the next voice and the next voice, etc, etc.

Don't be too discouraged if you don't hear one of "your voices" (which respond with "This is one of these, etc, etc,...") right away. You could have so much junk floating around that this is what you are hearing a lot of.

 

what anti-deppresant were you on that ended up causing you to steal a golf cart and crash it?

out of curiousity has anyone ever mentinoed bi-polar disorder (manic depression) to you?

prescription drugs can have various negative side effects ... but, if you can sift through them (so to speak) and find the one that works well for you they can help greatly.

for instance, i had become totally house-bound and hermit-like because of the same sorts of feelings you are experiencing. at the time, i was put on lexapro at a fairly hefty dosage and within a couple of months was able to start getting out of the house again and doing things around the house socializing etc.

on the flip side, years later, i had come off all my medications (as i was feeling better) and was only using marijuana to stablize my moods. i still however was feeling anxious and panicky when i was going out but i had the desire to go out. so i asked my doctor (not psychiatirst - which if you get prescribed meds for mental health you should only get them from a psychiatrist) to help me with something to take the edge off when i went out. he prescribe me wellbutrin.... after less than 4 days taking that, i experienced my first ever MASSIVE manic episode. I was awake for 52 hours straight, was literally laughing and crying at the same time, and was utterly suicidal. i came off the medication immediately but it took many months to feel 'right' again.

as far as non-medicated treatments ... try dabbling in things like yoga/meditation. that helped me when i was really anxious to calm my mind and push some of those cycling thoughts away.

also, i know it sounds corny, but eat better. make sure you get lots of veg and fruit, don't eat a lot of junk food or drink tons of caffeine and such. make sure you get complex carbs and protein. when i was depressed i wasn't good at this myself but if you are still able to take control of your life and can eat the right foods this will make you feel better as well.

now my question for you is: when you smoke and you feel like you do is it only when you are around people or anytime? do you feel the same ways when you haven't been smoking?

smoking can produce paranoia, and if your mind is already a bit skewed and you are having anxious/paranoid thoughts anyway then the weed can amplify that and make it tons worse. i used to experience this as well, and it was the downside to smoking. but for me, the positive aspects of feeling relaxed, being able to sleep, and well just feeling good for a change outweighed the paranoia i felt at times.

there were times when i felt like people were in the room with me (when they weren't) and i thought this was only cause of the weed ... so i experimented and came off the weed for about 3 weeks (at that time i was smoking ALOT) to see if i still felt the same way ... and sure enough i did. and, at times it was just as bad as it seemed when i was high.

you may want to experiment yourself and if you do smoke regularly or semi-regularly take a break for awhile to make sure it is out of your system completely and see if you still feel the same way that you do when you have been smoking.

i would still though recommend you talk to your doctor about seeing a psychiatrist. when i was 17-19 is when i started having a worsening of my mental illness and at the time i was worried about medication too and didn't want to think i was 'crazy' or had these kinds of problems. i felt like it was signing off on the rest of my life to admit that my head wasn't working properly. so ... i didn't get treatment.

over the next 3-4 years i only got progressively worse. i wasn't taking care of myself, now i realize i was suffering from some pretty intense anxiety and manic depression. back then, i was just doing what i could to keep a grip. now, 10 years later i really wish i had gotten help when i was 18 so i could have reclaimed my life earlier and not be sitting at 29 feeling like i've only just begun to live.

just think about it.

 

i believe you on that biporal i feal like i have ups and downs after i wrote that last post my sleep habit changed from being a vampire to getting up at 5 and working for my dad I think im on a up right now have been for the last week. As for smoking let me start of as saying last summer I probly smoked 3 pounds to myself in 3 months and was the bigest stoner in my school of 2000 with a 50% drop out rate ,worst school ever. Anyway I cut back smoking when shit got to werid for me after that flash back so Id say probly like a 1/4 to a half a blunt a day to myself on average sometimes my friends smoke me up on more but iv been comply broke for the last 4 months so that don't help. As for the rest of your question I only smoke with people now and no I don't feel that way unless I get high but the effects out way the panic I feel ocasionaly. I also never feel afrid or panicy if I smoke in the morning wich isn't haping because im a bum ><.

For medication I was on something with a Z the popual one in the late 90s. I don't think im going to get on medication Il probly change my mind later if I have a down agin but your advice and suport is realy helping. I have been doing meditation for awile now havn't tried yoga yet but I run or walk everyday.

I have another question for you as well though your symtoms seem very similar when you got off your depresion were you ever able to eat acid agin because I hope I can that stuff means the world to me it is my religion and way of life and if I must part with it would be with a heavy heart but what must be done must be done and I accept it.

Thanks agin peace

 

i've only ever had (what i was told was acid but on the acid forums they think it was some other research chemical) once. mainly because i know no one that can get it. even though i had a bad 30-45 minutes while on it, i really enjoyed it. i also was SEVERLY depressed at the time. but also didn't care.

i have taken mushrooms many times now, both when i was depressed and now that i'm not so bad. and don't have any problems with them. then again, everyone is different.

i'd gladly try the acid again to let you know how that goes .. but well ... hard to come by. LOL


might have been 'Zoloft' you were on? I only just came off of that about 6 months ago. i was on clonazepam for the anxiety attacks as well and am off of that so am now medication free. due to being poor myself (as i still don't work) i don't smoke anymore or very rarely.

i have been prescribed over the years: paxil, lexapro, effexor, wellbutrin, clonazepam, zoloft.

the only ones that worked for me were the lexapro (but only at a dose of 50mgs when the 'normal' dose is 20mgs) and the zoloft 'high' dose of that is 100mgs but i HAD been on 250mgs of that. and the clonazepam which is a sedative-like drug similar to diazepam i was started on 1mg a day and at my worse was taking 2mgs a day.

it wasn't until this past year that i got to the point where i was feeling loads better. i still get depressed (in fact was pretty down earlier today) and i still have ups but they aren't so bad that i make really stupid decisions or do things that might wind me up in jail. i do also get the insomnia (as it is 7am here in England and I haven't slept yet) as well as the urge to sleep all the time at other times. but for me i had a lot of life changes that put me in a better place to start healing.

maybe in a year or two i'll feel like i need meds again, but for now i'm good as i am. i don't think medications are bad though. but, like i said, if you are on the wrong ones then they could really mess you up.

oh ... forgot also that i had been on olanzepine at one time for mood stability. but that made my blood pressure go up somewhat so i came off of it and even though i am bipolar i have yet to dabble in the mood stabilizers.

prescription drugs can be really scary when you are in your late teens. and hopefully you won't experience it, but when you are at your really lowest you will want them, trust me on that.

if you ever need to talk ... i'm always glad to listen.

oh, and i haven't been doing yoga much recently myself as i injured my knee and can't even sit cross-legged for the time being... but the reason i liked that over walking and or running (which well ... i'd never run unless being chased by a big beastie) is because part of the basis of yoga is paying attention to your breathing and focusing on that to clear your mind. if you have experienced panic attacks before (which it sounds like you have) you'll know that you can have times when you feel like you can't breathe or your breathing patterns get messed up to the point where you feel like you are hyperventilating. at those times (to this day) i go back to the yoga thinking of focusing on each breath ... trying to slow it down ... feeling each breath intake clean fresh air, and release all the toxic things going on in your body.

it has always helped me quiet my mind even when my mind has been at it's most turbulent.

 

Could've been zyprexa. That's for schizies like me.

superusername,

Drugs for mental illness are a real bummer, mostly because they're legal, Psychiatrists perscibe them and the entire society condones them. Street drugs are a lot easier to get off of, their illegal and if you can't handle them, you'll get a lot of "encouragement" everywhere you look to get off of them.

Hate to say this, but me, I'm hooked on making these psychiatrists eat their own shit. I hate ever last one of them! They have internal attenae and they zero in on everything everybody does, and then they anaylize the data somewhere in the deep recesses of their computerized brains. They're all interconnected too, so they can communicate with each other remotely, one knows what the other is thinking and doing even if they're seperated by thousands of miles, and they don't need to communicate verbally with their therapists, and social workers, and all the rest of their staff, because they absorb everything thru their antenae. Trouble is they don't know how to think for themselves anymore and they forgot how it feels to be human. They can't tell another human by looking at them, they have to perform tests and measure everything precisely before they can come to any conclusions.

Only Joking!!!

 

Have you ever heard of amphetamine induced psychosis? Adderall can cause the occurence of it.

Peace and love

 

its all about wat u are thinking in your head. U had a flashback from taking acid, you might be depressed because u were worried about wat ur dad was thinking about u. Maybe u made something not that big of a deal a big deal and u slowly let it get 2 u. Just grasp ur mind and dont let shit like that take a hold of u. Drugs can do that shit to u, make u depressed and make ur mind think differently. Try to take hold of ur mind and dont let anything get 2 u. If i sound crazy oh well but try to dig deep down inside of yourself and think that u are fine for who u are.

 

dude this is the olny small post (other than my own) on this. i cant read any of that

 

ah fuck my original post I learned im completely crazy but its all good because I rock at guitar now so I still got something.

 

Are you still abusing adderall?

Peace and love

 

nah i quite that long ago i had a perscription for it though I just stick to lsd and maryjane now and boy am i fried

 

Just because you have a prescription doesn't mean that you aren't abusing it. Maybe you should lay off the drugs for a while...

Peace and love