Dating someone who is Bi-polar....any thoughts or advice?

Ok I am currently dating an awesome guy. I have known him as an aquaintance for several months, and we have been dating for about 2 weeks. Hmm where should i start. He told me on the first date that he is bi-polar....then recently that he is possibly Schitzophrenic....but he was never really properly diagnosed. He says he gets really bad mood swings, but I have yet to experience them....he usually just says whatever he feels/thinks....as rude or embarassing or hurtful as it may be. Which sorta worries me...only cuz ive always been sensitive. We got intimate quite fast....wasnt planned and now im sorta stuck in this awkward situation. He told me in the beginning he wasnt looking for a relationship, and neither am I. But no one really ever looks for one, things usually just happen. Well we have spent alot of time together in the last few weeks and he already bought my Christmas presents....he spent almost 500 dollars on me....and I dont understand why he would do that. We kinda just said we would see where the relationship goes and take things day by day.....but that just seems like alot of money to spend on someone that you dont want to be serious with. I feel bad for letting him spend that much...but he really wouldnt let me refuse the gifts. He is aware that I am talking to another guy and hints that it might bother him. Yet he says I can do whatever I want and acts as if he is content with not having a girlfriend....or he isnt ready for one. Im just wondering what it communicates to me if he is spending that much on me so soon.....has anyone else ever had anyone do this....I cant help but feel somehow obligated to date only him...or maybe its a way for him to show he cares since he is a bit distant emotionally.....*sigh*....I reallllly reallly like him...he is an amazing person...but even if he would want to be serious with me im just not so sure I want to be, considering his emotional state and mine for that matter. Or maybe he wants to ensure he will keep getting sex from me now that hes spent all this money.....? I dont want to think that thats it.....but guess it could be possible.....

 

I don't think anyone would spend $500 on a person just to use them, I think you are most likely just being paranoid on that point

if you don't want to commit to him, don't
you are bound to do nothing but die, and you should not bind yourself to anything

if you do want to commit, but don't feel too able to handle his problems, I'm sure you will find many people on here that have advice for you

I was with a girl with some psychological problems, and Iyou have to be committed, you have to be really understanding, or it can never work out
me and her are just friends now, due to her problems, she just couldn't handle the relationship with me, so I let her go
so it worked out and all, just not the way I was hoping :tongue:

 

Oh man... yes. And it was bad.

You're not obligated to do anything. Please get this straight.

I don't think you're being paranoid. Spending $500 casually may not be unnusual for some people but he SHOULD be aware that $500 is a lot to YOU. It's uncomfortable and overdone, and I think you are correct to have your alarm bells ringing.

If he can't afford that kind of money and lives humbly, it should go off twice as loud. From what you're posting only, it feels very weird. It doesn't hurt to be thankful, but keep your wits sharp, eh.

 

Unless he is quite wealthy and often spends large sums of cash on casual friends, my guess is that he was in a manic phase.

I used to have a roommate who was bipolar. By the time I met her, she was heavily medicated. But, from discussions with her, emptying out the bank account to buy lavish gifts for someone sounds not atypical of a manic phase... I don't know how long a manic phase is likely to last, though the cycling happens at varying rates. She talked about sometimes spending months on end in a depressive phase before cycling back into manic, but the really dangerous time would be if she was rapid-cycling -- so had lots of manic energy but in and out of the suicidal depression, whereas when she was just depressed she couldn't bring herself to get out of bed to go get the razors.

I don't really know what to suggest to you. If you don't want a serious relationship right now, you should draw that line NOW. But, whether to just walk away is a difficult question -- especially if he is not medicated or regularly seeing a counsellor... Ideally, he would have several close friends who can make sure that he doesn't flip out. If not, if you care for him, I suggest drawing the line very clearly but staying close as a friend.

Even just being a close friend with a non-medicated bipolar person can be trying, especially if they self-harm (a few friends of that former roommate had to just cut contact because she couldn't take it any longer). I can't imagine how hard it would be to be romantically involved.

I highly suggest that you encourage him to seek medical treatment.

 

What if the man likes you more now, and he is generous by nature, or cannot express himself well in words.

Also during that period together, did you see any signs of Schitzophrenic behavior, i know some people say that for fun, and maybe he is saying that because of the Bi thing.

Any how, if a dear person told me this, i would advice him/her to avoid the Bi people unless you are a Bi yourself.

 

Unless he would agree to get some medical help I would just take off now.

 

How strong emotionally are you yourself. Before thinking about commiting to him consider how you would be able to cope when the mania gets to the psychotic stage or when he gets seriously depressed. Having a relationship with somebody who is mentally ill is something I do not wish on my worst enemy.

I was nearly pushed over the edge by being close friends with somebody who had mental health issues. Having to watch her go through a psychotic stage was really quite harsh. Infact I myself nearly experienced a full blown nervous breakdown.

Matt

 

I would suggest that you educate yourself about bipolar disorder (type it into any search engine.

It is hard not to tell you that dating someone that is bipolar is a bad idea, but if you are not ready to deal with it....well it is a bad idea. Dealing with someone that is bipolar is tricky at best, even when they are medicated.

My advice would be to think seriously about where you want the relationship to go. If it is just a temporary thing you might want to end it before you are on the receiving end of a manic phase. The spending spree was likely a mania phase, and he will come crashing back down it is just a matter of when, not if.

If he has not been properly diagnosed it means that he is not on the medication that will keep him leveled out. He really does need to see a doctor and be properly diagnosed. It should be a requirement if you want to maintain your relationship with him.

Good Luck!

 

Bipolar and schizophrenia should be diagnosed by a therapist/counsellor/someone trained in that, not self-diagnosed.

Talk to him about the over spending, tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable. Let him know since he already purchased the stuff you'll keep it - this time around, but you don't want lavish overspending again. Or at least, that's what I'd do (since he sounded insistent that you keep it)

 

Well he said he was diagnosed about 2 years ago....by a school counselor...(ok first he told me they said he was bi polar...a week later he told me Schitzophrenic....almost like he never mentioned bi polar....). He was suppose to go to a therapist and get medicated but he hasnt. He said he gets major mood swings and feels like hurting people...like just walking up to someone randomly and hitting them...but he never does it. . He can be very rude.....the last few days I have been out of town and had time to think more clearly....and he has said some very rude things to me. We already discussed we didnt want anything serious and we would just take it day by day....then he goes on the shopping spree. Now I am stuck with almost 400 dollars in clothes (I havent taken the tags off everything)...and i dont think I should go out with him anymore. I would try to be his friend...but honestly he cannot control himself around me physically and can be forceful at times and i dont like it. I think he might also be sexually compulsive...*sigh*. I think hes going to be upset if I give back the clothes...but If I tell him I dont want to see him after he just spent all that money....that might look bad on my end. hmmmm.

 

I dated someone with Bi polar and you have to be really PATIENT and understanding! It is hard, realize that, but it can be done. I just could not deal with it at that point in my life. the sex was not so hot, partially because she was always so awkward afterwards. granted she was generally nice, but, you may need to prepare yourself for feeling powerless during the depressive stage. nothing you can do will help. throw out logic during these times. logic in regards to what it means to be sweet..it means nothing . it just, is..different. but not effective (understandingly so). I know its a downer, but part of bi polar really. but when the depressive side is not evident it is fine.

good luck!

 

hi, im bi-polar myself. and one thing i can tell you is, dateing someone with this particular problem is not easy. we are a difficult people to understand if you dont share the same problem. if you want to make this relationship work and you care about him, you need to be very understanding and not judge him for being bi-polar. you could however mention medication to him if he is curently not taking anything. however, most bi-polar people havetrouble taking things because as soon as we begin to feel better we stop taking it. but it can be done and it can be helpfull, just know that it is NOT a cure! he will always have difficultys and it isnt his fault. you need to decide weather or not hes worth giveing a chance you never know until you try!

 

Just be gracious about it and be honest. If you think it's not going to work, tell him. Yes, you may risk some violence and temper but that's something you have to deal with and face if you want to get out of it. It takes a LOT of patience (some people already noted). You are very lucky that he told you straight up about it rather than you finding out later.

You have no obligations whatsoever to deal with his mental or emotional problems.

 

Just be nice to him, he sounds like he needs someone sensitive, but look after yourself.
Take care.
Mick

 

my opinions on bipolar disorder...

yes some people have it seriously (like ozzie osbourne) but many people I've found are victims of doctors sucking money out of anyone they can. I saw a psychiatrists as a teenager and she told me if "I feel happy sometimes and sad othertimes I'm bi-polar". She talked to me for maybe 2 minutes, and in my mind I didn't say anything weird, just "if something bad happens to me I feel sad, but other wise I'm genuinely happY". I mean If anything I think I'm starting to show signs of OCD, with getting things done, making straight A's (no B's allowed!), but from another perspective I just may be sucessfully driven? You have to take diagnosis with a grain of salt. See a doctor, then see at least 2 more with no prior knowledge of your other visits, then see if he gets the same disgnositic.

 

From what i got from your first post, honestly be friends ,and friends it is. Give him the stuff back if it bothers you then cut it. Or take the stuff and cut it. Just thoughts.