will somebody please help me. our baby is 1 month old and i am losing my mind. she sleeps through the night but the exchange for that is that she doesn't sleep during the day and wants to be held all of the time. this is the first time i am letting her scream, because i can't take it anymore. i am just bawling. i am only letting her scream, because i am about to lose it and don't want to end up hurting her. i think that most ofmy stress not only stems from her, but also from my 4 year old and my old man. my old man NEVER does anything around the house to help me, and in the rare case that he does, he makes me feel horrible for asking and bitches about it all night. he feels that he does his part by working and paying the bills. i don't think he understands how rare it is for a baby to be sleeping through the night, and how much of a blessing that is for him, to get a good nights sleep and be rested for his workday. am i wrong to expect him to help out a little, am i supposed to be able to get all of the housework done during the day? i am being serious, because with my first daughter, i was single and living at home with my parents. i didn't have all of the work to do now. also i am just physically and emotionally exhausted these past couple of days and i have been crying all the time. i don't think that it is ppd, i just think it from getting no support or help. am i right or wrong? please let me know what is normal or what you all did as far as helping around the house. thanks everyone and please say a prayer for me that i don't go totally insane. --sweetpeace
Darling, take a deep breathe, make some tea, sit down. What you are feeling is totally normal! Not only is your body recovering from pregnancy and birth, you have a mountain of housework and TWO children to care for. What you need to do is prioritize......and on the list of must-do's in childrearing, housework is dead last. At one month, your baby NEEDS to be held all the time. Don't feel guilty about letting the dishes pile up or the dusting being neglected. At one month, YOU need to hold your baby all the time. Contact your local La Leche League, childbirth educator or a midwife and buy yourself a sling so you can wear your baby. Your baby will be happy being held close to you and you'll have both hands free to throw a load of clothes in the washer. There is no way I could have survived raising seven babies without a sling. Buy some paper plates, cups and cutlery, you'll only have pots to wash. Go online or to the library and check out some one-pot recipes or 15 minute meals. You can find some delicious and nutritious quickies that take minutes to prepare, leaving you with more time to sit down and hold your baby. When you make a meal, make enough to freeze another for those days when the baby won't be put down or when you're too exhausted to cook. At four, your daughter is big enough to pick up her own toys and put her juice cup in the sink (or throw it out if it's paper!). get a basket for her toys and have her put them in it when she's finished playing. Take a bath with your baby, most babies love being in the water and will fall asleep soon after. Nap when your baby naps! When you nurse your baby, (are you nursing?) lie down in bed and doze when she does. Have a diaper bag in every room with diapers, wipes, change of clothes and snacks for your older DD and your self. When you sit to nurse baby, make sure you take care of your needs first, go pee, get a drink and a snack, get one for you DD (cuz they always want something when the baby is being fed!) and make yourself comfy. REMEMBER! She'll only be this little for such a short time, one day soon, she'll be crawling and need to be held much less. Then you can go back to using real dishes and vacuuming. In the meantime, put housework on the list of what is not really important.
Darling, pad your babies room with sound absorbing insulation, (ie accoustical foam) lock the door behind you and hit the vodka bottle like you were gona die tomorrow. This will dull the pain and anxiety. Hope this helps.
\ That does not help you jerk! DCFS sucks except for shutting down parents like you. Yuck. Try keeping the wee one in a snuggly, sling (not as mobile for you) or make a papoosa (sp.?) with a framed backpack if you can safely tie it up with the baby's head sticking out the top. Baby really dows need to be close to you all the time, and leaving is OK for up to 15 minutes max, so say the books though I don't know how it could help your nerves to leave for that long. The only thing I could do when my son was like that was take him for a walk, even just around the block, and he'd be better when we got back (though he still insisted on being close). Or take him naked snuggled up in my arms into the sun for five minutes which he sooo loved and I'd be better too. Of course most of the time he fit in one arm and I learned to vaccuum, bathroom and study with him just staring up at my face, content. Yeah, he screamed out of my arms until he was about six months, then he'd scream for only five minutes and fall asleep or get distracted by a good crib toy. You will survive, and hopefully soon they will come up with a way to grow back the brain cells we mothers lose during the first few months of baby screams. Much better than repairing brain cells after too much drinking. Love cures all, Becca
I know it hard mama but take the advice given here. Just forget about cleaning and REST as much as you can with that Baby. Do you have family in the area, or good friends? Ask if they can help you prepare dinner in the evening, or just help out with home. Just remember things will get better! Tell that man of yours how you are feeling exactly and it is a very rough time for you. The baby sling is a great idea, or you can get a commercial baby carrier anywhere like Target, or Walmart. Baby carriers make things alot easier!!! And little babies enjoy the closeness to their mama. Love and Blessings!
This is ridiculous! Is their mod here??? Bug Man this lady is going through PPD and your BULLSHIT isnt helping.
SweetPeace I wish I was in your area, I would offer to help you. I know the felling, though my hubby has always been really helpful. But I had my child 1000 miles away from all my family and friends, so I did not get any outside help. I remeber the days of crying right along side my newborn cause I didn't really know what to do. If it wasn't having lots of trouble breastfeeding, it was I couldn't figure out why she was crying, either that or I would just be depressed. Just know that is gets better, and dont' let your husbands bitching get to you. Just do what I did, I left for a week, he had to take care of the house and his oldest daughter {I took the baby} without me to help. Yeah, he realized then, that I did not have it so easy being a stay at home mom .
oi oi oi thanks everyone for your care. anya (baby) has been much better lately, but i have also been less stressed. i love the bath thing. i forgot about doing that when kaya was a baby. of course it ended in a little lunch break for her and then a blast out of the hind end to let me know she was ready to get out. we have all been enjoying each other more lately. it helps to get out of the house. we went for a walk and anya fell asleep and kaya chilled out for a couple hours. i do have a sling, but i haven't been using it as much. i kind of started out doing too much right after she was born, and i am still paying for it. i think that maybe the only pro to having baby in a hospital is that you don't get to see your house getting dirty when you are supposed to be taking it easy, and nobody else seems to notice the mess. when i started being a sahm, i became a neat freak, and it really bothers me when other people come over unexpectedly to my mess. but i am making it now. i still don't like that whenever baby is sleeping there are 3 hundred other things that i have to do instead of rest. it is SO different with #2. brighid, i don't know how you and all those other moms with bunches of kids do it. with lots of support i bet i used to want to have a whole slew of kids but now i find myself wishing i were single again. but not really, i love it (on good days. on the bad days i want to run away.) i have noticed that playing music during the day helps a lot too. something upbeat. or even public radio when we all need to chill. well anyway, thanks again everyone. i need to go get my rest now. baby's sleeping!! --sweetpeace
Yeah but she hasn't logged in since August 26! I'm sure whenever she does finally log in she will take care of that post. So I'd reccomend that everyone just ignore it until it's gone.
Truer words were never spoken. Don't take out your frustration with your man on your baby. she doesn't deserve it. HOLD HER. PLEASE don't let her cry and scream!!!! Use your sling, forget the damn housework and BE with your children. THAT is really your job now. I have four kids, have had high need babies who NEEDED to be help all the time, and have a dh who really doesn't "help out" all that much. (He does outdoor things and cooks occasionally, but doesn't know how to use a washing machine, stack a dishwasher or use a vacuum!) YOU WILL SURVIVE! It will be easier on you and your babies if you BE with them and HOLD those babies. We all survived. I bet none of us had an immaculate house, or "perfect" partners, but our babies were HAPPY and thrived in our arms. Forget everything but your babies cries, listen to those cries and GO to her. Please. You won't regret it.
Dear sweetpeace, your house will never get clean! Once she grows out of wanting to be held all the time, she will be mobile and tear everything up!! I just don't worry about it. Once she sleeps at night more, you will be able to rest more, get more done, etc...but you know that. How is dd#1 adjusting? I remember you were concerned about her at one point. Is she super-jealous or pretty cool with the idea of a baby sister? Hugs to you and your beautiful babies!
I think we have all been there. You just have to step back from the situation and realize your baby and your body are both doing what they need. YOur baby isn't TRYING to annoy you to no end and your body has just been through a lot so it gets stressful. But really step back if you need to and don't beat yourself up over needing a break. Come back when your calmer and you will be a better mamma for that baby. maybe a sling would be real good. Your babys near you and you can move about. maybe you can get your lil 4 year old to be a lil helper with you while you work so you can all get things finished together. Make it fun. ANd then tackle the man later when the kids arnt around and let em know youare pooped!
big sister kaya loves her little sister, but lately kaya has been dealing with a lot of anger problems stemming from mine and dh's relationship. i can see me in her when she sulks or is rude/cocky to everyone. we are working on that now, with a lot of laughter. sometimes it pisses her off, and other times it gets her laughing, but i have a good feeling that things are going to be back to (somewhat) normal now. it is hard for me to remember that kaya needs structure, and even harder for me to get structured. but in due time. me and my dh are doing MUCH better after a weekend of relaxation and revival. i have also been doing better with baby who we discovered was having problems with the lactose from the dairy i was eating. she is soooo happy and smiley and just chill now. so thanks for all the advice. i have been wearing baby around all weekend and she loves it. she also loves to get outside and gaze at the trees, which has helped me appreciate nature more too!! --sweetpeace
