Non-Chronic Depression Advice Needed

I am feeling so depressed it feels unreal. I had a family member die several days ago and am having a hard time coping. The past couple of days I took a lot of xanax and went to work to keep my mind off of things. Well today's Saturday so no work and I've had an addiction to xanax in the past so I decided not to take any today and man i feel like crap. I've only told one person besides my boss obviously because she asked me what was wrong. I have a hard time reaching out to friends. I haven't told any of my girlfriends. I stopped returning phone calls and logging into my myspace. I don't feel comftrable opening up to people.
What should I do? I want to feel better. I am more upset over how devestated my family is rather than losing my uncle who I was very close with, especially as a kid.
I just don't know how to make myself feel better and stop crying and throwing up and most of all I want my heart to stop hurting. It's become this physical pain now. The only thing that kind of helps is smoking a joint but obviously I can't walk around stoned all weekend long.
I know Monday I'll feel better because I can go to work early in the morning and then just go straight to class until 9 and not have time to think about this, but this weekend has been sooooo hard so far. I woke up feeling okay this morning, but then as soon as I sat down alone it started really strong again. I just want to feel better, but am unsure of how to go about doing so.

 

I'm really sorry lynsey.

You've just suffered a loss...the feelings you're having right now are pretty normal, especially considering you were very close to your uncle. I am a firm believer in allowing yourself to grieve in order to heal. You need to let it all out, but in doing so, you need to remember the good things, the happy times, the times in which you hold dear. Don't lose sight of those precious things, keep them close to your heart and remember how much he loved you. Maybe start a scrapbook of pictures and mementos, lyrics to songs that remind you of him, poems, things like that. It may be theraputic in a way.

Don't shut people out either, sometimes you have to force yourself to do things that you really don't want to do, such as seeking comfort from your friends right now. It might help.

{{{Healing vibes}}}

 

Thank you Heather That was comforting to read.

 

Sorry to hear about your pain

I don't have much advice, to be honest, except that things will get better in time... know that, know that this is just a brief phase that will soon get better, and in time it will be a distant memory. And I guess I would stay sober, for the most part, to avoid making things worse (as I've found drugs often can), but that's just me.

Hope you feel better soon, and sorry about your loss. Just focus on the good times you had and know that nothing can change what has happened, you just have to ante up again and move on, really (of course while always keeping the memory of your uncle in your heart), and unfortunately there's no short cut, and it takes some people longer than others.

Oh, and I think it's great that you're trying to stay busy. In fact, I would go to the library and check out a bunch of uplifting books, or perhaps consider watching your favorite TV series all the way through. Keep all of your free time occupied by this so that you don't have any time to sit around and be sad. Good luck to ya

 

I agree with everyone else. Let yourself experience grief. You are feeling what any caring person would at this time. Don't try to medicate yourself into another state. That's the worst thing you could do.

I've lost quite a few people that I've been close to, and the most healing thing I ever found to do was to take long solitary walks and come to terms with the loss on my own, and also like Hippychick had to say to also allow others to share their own experiences with me, after I'd taken some time alone. But realize we all grieve in our own ways and our own timetables. There is no norm.

I am a graphic artist/painter. I've always had to paint a picture to totally work through the pain.

 

Thank you guys. I am working through it. I went to work at 4:30 this morning and then just fell apart later in the day and am having a hard time not crying in public. I came home and had a few drinks...am now havign a few more and I know it's not a good way to deal with things but it really helps.
I just feel like a lost puppy right now. I am lucky to have people who care about me and understand that I grieve in a different way than other people. Gardener-I hear you on the alone thing. Now I am past that point and just wanna be held 24 hours straight and never let go of.

 

I took bereavement so I can properly grieve and it's making it easier. Last night was so bad though. I am promosing myself not to use drugs to mask my feelings and instad deal with them.
Hugs to all of you and don't let a day go by not letting your loved ones know how much you care

 

You're right, it is so easy to take people for granted... trying my best not to, but I should do better. Hope you continue to feel better, find something fun to do if you can!

 

Thank you. One thing is for sure I will never again pass up an opportunity to tell people how I feel about them or to tell them how wonderful they are. Life's too short to hold back feelings and emotions,way too short

 

Perhaps do volunteer work? Doing something for others is one of the best feelings you can have.

I'm sorry to hear about your lose. Are you still doing okay?

Peace and love

 

I almost lost it reading to my friend's kids at cystic fibr. group. Volunteering has been making it worsebecause it reminds me of how much suffering there is in this world. There's just so much suffereing and greif it's overwhelming.

I am doing okay, I go back and forth.

 

commit-

 

I wish.

 

I know its hard, but try to remember- death is only the next phase of life.

Yeah, you can no longer be with the loved one- but it is selfish to want them to remain with you forever and not move on in their journey.

Embrace who they were, not their death. Embrace the fact that where ever they may be- they are still very much alive.

Keep your head up high, and dont dwell on it. It gets better.

 

You'll never be totally past that point. But as you let time go by and and allow yourself to live, you'll find that things start to fit into place...you'll always fight loss, that's just part of life. It's time to share with others.

CF is something else for those that have never been exposed to it. CF kids rarely live beyond twenty, and marriages collapse because of it. It's a disease that should be wiped out.

 

Thanks guys. I am doing so much better. I may have lost an uncle on earth but I gained an angel watching over me from heaven. No more crying or drugs since Sunday.

 

Good to hear, just keep trucking, keep doing what you love, and things will only continue to improve.