AHHHH (venting {warning:severe anger})

Talking about how much tail you get on the net is a waste of time and effort.

 

Cowboy Blue, your right, I didnt put much thought into what I wanted so here it is:

I want a guy who I can trust completley, a guy I know I can confide in with anything and knows he can do the same, a guy who will just hold me and maybe even tell me I am beautiful-and actually mean it, a guy who will hold my hand because he wants to, a guy who I can tell my darkest secrets to and know he wont judge, a guy who I can love and know the feelings are mutaul, a guy who will believe me when I tell him he means the world to me, a guy who can laugh at my sillyness and even be silly with me, a guy who can accept me scars and all.

So no I dont want a guy with a wallet or good looks if he has none of those qualities.

 

ok then

 

those are the exact words i knew youd say
word for word...

 

Well, I do. Monogamy in this society is not a choice among different possibilities and arrangements in affectionate relationships. It is compulsory, a tour de force.

Every other kind of experiement is suffused with stigmatum and social pressure.

Personally, I think putting the main emphasis in an affectionate relationship on sexual ownership of the other's body is already a symptomatic failure.

P.S. It is difficult enough for people to have sex period. Just imagine how much more difficult it would be for a guy who says, "I wanna fuck her, her, her, and that other one." Put people in a situation of affectionate/sexual desperation, and cheating is an inevitability. There are statistics out there, most people (whether men or women) cheat. Monogamy is merely a Semitic myth.

 

there are soooo many people choosing polyamy now I don't see monogomy as being forced. It is the norm but who cares about that anymore. Some of us, if it is only me, truely feel deep within our being that is the way to go, the way we WANT to go. What other people do is fine and dandy, but some people only want one other. I absolutely believe that, even if it is the minority. Maybe most people cheat but not me, and I believe (though we are trained to think that way) that he truely feels the same way deep within his being also.

Of course I could always be proven wrong

 

I agree 100%

 

Where are those sooooooooooo many people you're talking about? Please introduce me.

All I see is for every woman that would go for a non-monogamous arrangement, there are about 6,979,047 males competing for her.

 

Agreed 100%. It is VERY hard for me to empathize with women such as the OP. Although I'm trying...

From what I've been able to observe the VAST majority of women fit in either of two categories: the ones that look for abuse; and the ones who want to use men one way or another (even if it's for an ego boost --- read cockteasing).

Then the rest are composed by women who want marriage more than the man himself, and finally I few women who are able to interact with men on level planes and with some independence.

Those are very rare...and there aren't enough of them out there for each one of us. But, you're right, the only solution for men who aren't rich these days is to ignore women completely.

 

again this classification of women....man...how mean and narrow-minded
and the solution to ignore really sucks!
you say you hate gender roles
but actually you create them yourself- like playing a role of indifferent guy whereas you are not

 

Okay, fex, I agree with you mostly about polyamoury. But I do side with lakeoffire because a lot of men (such as, apparently, her former boyfriend) go into a relationship claiming to want monogamy. Well, if they don't want that, why lie? It's the lying that causes problems, more than the actual act of cheating.
Personally, I can respect a man who can tell me (in a nice way) that he's probably going to have another lover in addition to me, but if someone leads me to believe I am the only one and then goes behind my back with another ... it hurts.

Here's some personal messages for some of the posters here.
Eagle -- you're a kind fellow and you still make a good moderator.
Cowboy -- I think you are purposefully mean, or else a misogynistic ass. I'm an optimist though, so I lean toward the former.
Understand that I'm not trying to be mean or offensive, just rationally make a memorable point. I have just as much cause to hate men as you seem to hate women, but if I hated men the way you hate women, you would call me a pussylicking dyke and a mean bitch. I'll bet YOU'd never think that for all you hate women, YOU were a cocksucking flamer and a cruel sadist, now would you? Sort of a double standard. What's more, you seem to personify all the stereotypes about women that you hate, except in reverse. Not fair.
Lakeoffire -- You recovered nicely and diplomatically and did not rise to Cowboy's offensive remarks. Bonus points for being mature. I think I might be able to offer you some advice or at least commiseration, send me a PM sometime.

 

You might be right about the classification, issue. Even as I was typing it I saw the problems with it.

Now, all classifications I take with a grain of salt. There is much diversity and individuality WITHIN any category, as well as commonalities ACROSS categories. Make no mistake about it, I understand the limitations of classification.

But what do you do when you encounter a pattern over and over again? In my experience the pattern is obvious:

1) treat a woman nicely, she blows me off or I'm "the friend" (I happen to be unable to treat women like shit even as an experiment) whereas some abusive hoodlum has tons of women;

2) then another pattern being women who are all take no give. They feel entitled to all sorts of special treatment because they "have a pussy" (to use Cowboy_Blue's terminology);

That happens to be, most unfortunately, the attitude of the vast majority of women I encounter. It is hard to stay away from the seduction of classifying...

As for ignoring women, I don't at all try to pretend that I'm indifferent. I have no qualms about women seeing me biting my tongue and knuckles, cringing, at the sight of them. For the most part, I avoid women rather than ignore them. Until you have a better solution for me, that saves me a bit more grief than the option of dealing with bullshit and going home alone anyway.

Suncatch, like I said before: I am not rationalizing cheating. Cheating and lying is not what I would call lofty behavior, ok. HOWEVER, if a man who's upfront about his sexual desires and intentions has less of a chance to be engaged by women; you're creating a situation where lying PAYS DIVIDENDS, and is therefore inevitable.

P.S. I also think women don't often engage the issue of "lying" in all its complexity. You don't consider the fact that many of these men are also lying TO THEMSELVES. In other words, many are insincere, but not necessarily malicious. They wanted to conform to this oppressive monogamous orthodoxy, and yet simply weren't able to.

The same happens to a lot of women, though women are much more indoctrinated with monogamy than men. Also, cheating for women incurrs greater consquences in terms of stigmatum than is the case with men. That is NOT to say men cheat more than women (a mathematical impossibility since all cheating involves both a man and a woman), but simply that in the case of women cheating is HUSHED.

 

men who lie to themselves are frustrating. scratch that, people who lie to themselves are frustrating. it means you completely misrepresent yourself to others ta first, when youre tryign to introduce yourself to htem, tell them about yourself, and tadah you turn into this completely other person once they get to know you

not that, yknkow, im bittera bout a particular ex who doesnt knowa thing about himself or anything, oh nooooo

 

lol! In the end, women themselves, particularly those that prefer monogamous relationships, would do themselves a BIG favor if they questioned their monogamy-only orthodoxy...NOT referring to you Allonym.

Were women to allow themselves to have sex on impulse, when they felt like it, without giving each other shit for it, other women would have the benefit of meeting men who were on equal wavelengths about monogamy, rather than some repressed, sex-starved mutant. The same goes for men, were they to respect women who simply wanna fuck for whom they are.

 

Hey Fex. I'm a girl who's all give. Bite that off and suck on it.

Cowboy -- I respect the fact that you are stating your opinions. And of course, your opinions are correct -- for you. I'm not going to try to argue them since we are all entitled to our own opinions. Please, though, don't judge all women on them. Most women ... all right, maybe, definitely the mainstream ones. But not all of us. Like me -- I'm kinda proud to defy a lot of woman stereotypes, and I'm sure there are others like me out there. There is always an exception to every rule, probably even this one.

 

All give no take isn't good either, I don't have to tell you. But you know already that I think you're amazing, and you just need to find a man who can appreciate the fact that you're not like most delusional women out there who think they can be all take no give. Mutuality is the word.

 

i dont know why i am not over him, i think i am wallowing because all my friends are in relationships and i am not so i am clutching to this one, i couldnt say i loved him when we were going out and the day we broke up i was happy but then i found out he cheated and hes hitting on one of my friends and apparently hes in love with this girl now who he has supposedly been dating less than a month we dated longaer thn tha,t and i dont know for some reason i read his away mesage tonight (yeah sounds wicked immature) and it said 'i will love you forever and even die for you' or something stupid like that and it literally felt like my heart was being torn out i always thought that was an expression until now and this girl, apparently he buys her all this stuff and not that im materialistic but he 'borrowed' so much money from me for things i didnt approve of like pot and stuff and he used me for rides wherever he needed to go and never gave me gas money and i did whatever he wanted and he thinksi cheated on him withthis kid he dosent like, i would never cheat on anyone! so why didnt he confront me? i would have explained to him and he has a history of cheating and stuff and ugh i dont know this sucks i didnt have feelings for him then, why are they surfacing now?

 

well i dunno
of course there are women who like being treated badly and give everything to their mate/who like to use men
but the first are silly beings with inferiority complex (bad childhood, lack of love...whatever) and the second are bitches
i dont communicate with these two categories much
so maybe that's why i dont agree with you and cant understand your point of view
not all women are like that
try to see the problem in you
i hate being mistreated..treated like shit
i also hate being doted upon for it sorta limits my freedom
the thing is we should try to find people with the same ideology
i know it's not alw easy...but...it alw happens if you are confident

 

oh sweety, i feel this. it's such a great list, you're looking for all the things that are going to make your relationship, when the right one comes around, so amazing. best friends, partners, can't get enough of eachother lovers...i can't wait to find all these things in one person ...well because i prefer monogamy, but not that there's anything wrong with polyamoury