well i dont know what to do with myself these days, ive really fallen for him, i dont want nobody else, he is my alltime favorite! but he is in no situation to travel, im still trying to convince without pressuring, i just want to say to him fuck it we will live exactly like the darhma bums as long as we had each other who cares about the money... but i can see that he doesnt want the stress of travelling without a cent in his pocket.... but we have been doing absolutly nothing here in the urban jungle, i mean we wake up at 3 every afternoon, & i have to wait for him to go through the long process of having that morning spliff just to get going (i dont mind the potsmoking so much but seeems like he wont do anything without having a joint first) & you know im always like go go go..... meanwhile i feel like im getting really anxious like i have butterflys in my stomach all the time (not good ones though like when i first arrived here) & i think its mainly because im bored out of my mind, but also cos i miss the beach & the sun & the fresh air, & gettin some godam excersise would be nice too, i need some xanex & i need to play DDR to release all this pent up tension.... u know i tend to act a bit bratty when i have no direction or nothing to keep me occupied. well these 2 weeks have been so challenging cos i wanna treat this guy right i wanna be perfect & not make mistakes (not be selfish & childish always seeking attention like i was with all the others), but already im starting to get aggitated with the situtation, its such a big compromise too cos i miss my freinds, i dont speak a word of the language here so when hes hangin with the boys i kinda just hang back drinking trying to guess what jokes they might be laughin at, which im goood at cos its a part of travelling in foreign countries but when its the same thing everyday it tests my patience so much.... normally im always so focused on the road ahead when im travelling but i havent been able to think about it lately cos im waiting to see where this is going.. ....do i stay or do i go ????....im really lost over this one i think i will go to rio di janeiro & get out a bit by myself this weekend & find some funk parties, get my grooove on, yeh that will clear my head allright..... huge mother of a rave on the 19th too ! already starting to feel better just thinking of it.... tell me straight if im being a bozo ....im no good with relationships but i want to make this work....
