Working with someone you're totally into

Hey all, this looked like a great place to get some help with a little problem I have, so here goes. It might seem long winded, but I want to get in as many of the details as I can.

About a year and a half ago, I had a girl working at my store (which I manage). She was helping out temporarily for the holidays and worked there about a month. Normally, I'm completely professional, but I was attracted to this girl right away and I could tell she felt the same way.

On her last day there, we made our feelings known for each other. (Yes, I initiated that talk) Problem was, she had a boyfriend. She told me at that moment that if their relationship didn't work out, she'd let me know. I accepted that and talked to her now and then, when I could. I wanted to stay fresh in her mind. Finally, it got a bit difficult for me to see this girl and talk to this girl, so I backed off and tried to just forget about her. I swear I thought about her EVERY day.

A few weeks ago, she called me about coming to my store as a transfer (we work for the same company) My initial response was that I'd do it, for her sake only, after she talked it over with her manager. During that conversation, she asked if I still had feelings for her and I said yes, to which she again responded that if things in her relationship didn't work out, I'd be the first to know. I liked hearing that, but I think it gave me a false sense of hope.

I went down to her store today to help that manager out with something and she happened to be working. She was flirting with me big time, massaging my shoulders and running her fingers through my hair. I let her do it, but didn't do or say anything to her. That's what makes this so hard, things with her just seem so right and she acts like she wants something more from me. She knows I would gladly go into a relationship with her, but obviously with her having a boyfriend, I can't and won't make that move.

After I left the store, she called me on my cell phone and again asked about the transfer. I told her to call me back when she is ready to make the change to my store. In the same conversation, she said her and her boyfriend were talking about moving into a new house, which really buried my spirits. Obviously, they aren't having any relationship problems and I am clearly crazy about her.

I still had the thought of doing this for her, as a favor and keeping the whole "I will do anything for you" attitude. But I am tired of being taken advantage of for the fact that I'm a generous guy. I have pretty much decided that I don't want to do the transfer and when she asks, I plan to tell her that I would love to be the bigger guy and put my personal feelings aside so that she could come work there, but I just can't. It's hard enough for me to see her now and then, look into her eyes and see her great smile only to know I can't have her. I can't imagine what every day would be like. Plus, I don't want to have her boyfriend hanging around down there, because that would pretty much kill me. How should I put this to her? Am I wrong for this and are my feelings normal? Any helpful advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You!

 

It sounds like you have a pretty good grasp on things. You are right in not transferring her because she seems to be playing on both sides of the fence (so to speak). If you are a manager you should never date someone in a position below yours. Sounds harsh, but never date someone you can fire or someone that can fire you.

As for how to put it "you and I have a somewhat personal relationship and it would be unprofessional for me to transfer you to my store" or something along those lines.

Best of luck.

 

I'm in a similar situation except I'm the chick. I 'm in a relationship I've been in for 6 1/2 years. We have no problems, in fact he's a great, stand-up guy. I love him a bunch. I couldn't ask for better. BUT... I've recently met a man that started working at my job and I completely love him. It's one of those kindred spirit things where you remember that person from another life.. that kind of familiarity. I fucking love him and think about him 24/7. But I can't do anything about it. It sucks. I know how you feel wanting to be with this woman you want but can't have. It really, really sucks! It would probably be in both of your best emotional interests to deny the transfer. It could get ugly if you let her come over. She may not understand and may be really bummed because, well, she's into you and rejection hurts, but you gotta do what you gotta do (because the fact of the matter is, in a way she's been rejecting you, albeit only cuz she has to, not cuz she wants to). I feel for you man...love hurts, even when it feels good. If a friendship is too painful to embark upon because your feelings for her get in the way then cutting her loose seems like the only logical solution. *sigh*...

 

Sounds to me like you are just being taken avantage of. She shouldn't be playing with your feelings that way. On the other hand you better be ok with her running her hands through other guys hair even if you do get with her, since thats the type of person she is.

 

she just want s the transfer. don't let her fool you. stay strong, and don't let her put her paws on you like that. this is the 21st century and you shouldn't let her rub you and fell you as much as youmight like it. when she finds out you didn't give her the tranfer i guarantee she'll stop diddling you.