I don't want to say my girlfriend is uptight...

but the other night I suggested a Manage a Tois. So she starts using both hands to masterbate!

No respect for Lodog.

Our version of Oral sex is standing across the room from each other yelling "FUCK YOU"

Our version of Doggystyle is I beg until she rolls over and plays dead.

 

interesting...

 

Is this a joke or are you serious?

 

Of course it's a joke! I'm a bachelor again. I wouldn't put up with that shit.

I did when I was married though.

 

So have you tried playing some Dean Martin for her?

 

It's probably because you're stinky

 

Dean is not for the inexperienced Rat. You can't just woo a ladie with Dean at the offset of a relationship! You gotta play it cool man. Plan something where she goes out and comes back around dinner time. Cook up a fantastic italian dish (Don't forget the garlic bread...CRUCIAL!) Buy some wine doesn't even have to be the expensive shit, Make sure the lights are dim, The Coup de gras? A little Deano playing in the backround. Good shit

 

Her idea of forplay is another man, you need to feed her asprins ahead of time so its no longer an excuse, when your freinds told you she was a cheap whore you now realize it was not a metaphore, when you kiss her you taste what other men had for lunch.

 

yeah thats what he says but if he was real telling the truth