Figured I'd bounce this one off of you fellow HipForumers. Constructive criticism is welcomed, and needed. Thanks in advance. “Spiritual Entrapment” The sun shines on a sanguinely saturated battlefield Tortured by twisted steel and barbed wire. Broken bodies strewn across the vast fields of victorious, lost, troubled dreams. The triumphant return celebrating, while the heroes of steel and gunpowder lie in their graves Kept warm but the infinite iris of Heaven. Those that perished in the clash of gleaming metal and adrenaline driven animosity died For their God, their Prophet, their Higher Power. We are the omniscient and omnipotent beings. You and I allow ourselves to be imprisoned in this impenetrable state of mind. Dying a martyr means losing our chance at living, because of an intangible spirit. When we trust ourselves, and open our minds and hearts we are the true spirits.
word indeed line breaks needed I used to hate line breaks but they give the reader a chance to relax and really concentrate on each segment of what you're saying otherwise you run the risk of some impact, some shade of meaning being lost among the others
