So heres the deal.. im kind of in shock I ah... found a site my dad was on. Online dating!!! I always thought for sometime now that he was cheating on my mom, this has just confermed EVERYTHING! Just makes me hate him even more. I dont know what to do .. I want to tell her, but I dont want to. Shes left him once, he beat her he tore her self esteem down he completely wreaked her! They separated for 7 or 8 years. And for those years my mom was depressed, and I took care of her and my siblings. and guess who comes strolling back in? I didnt take it lightly, I warned her it was a bad idea. He clams to be a changed man... but the only thing that has changed is the psychical abuse. he steal treats her like shit, he treats us like shit, he still drinks and he still plays his fuckin mind games. And I dont doubt that one day he'd hit her again...hes hit us (not like a beating just a slap or a pinch and then denied it to her) And yah you guessed it he cheated on her before to. We have been a "family" for 2 years now (?something like that). and she seemed mildly happy. Shes going back to school ! to become a social worker, and she loves doing that! Shes happy she has her own house, to see her kids better off. How could he try to ruin that? How can I tell her? This is why i dont want to tell her. A) shes going to school and we have little money and I dont want to take her dreams away from her. B) She will go back to her depression C) It will hurt my brother and sister D) we'll have to move all over again. We have been moving our WHOLE lives. I'm tired of it so are they. Obviously I want to tell her because A) he doesnt deserve her B) She doesnt realize it but shes hot and a wonderful person and could have any man she desired who is 1000000000000000x better. C) She needs to know. D) I cant fake it, but I will if it means she'll be happy. I honestly dont know... I guess this post seems angry, possibly ignorant... But I cant hurt her and its a lose lose situation anyway. But what should I do? Wait till shes done school? Tell her right away? Leave it ...let it take its own course? See if he continues to do such things?
i'm sorry i wish i had some advice but i dont is there a way you could have so she accidently found out so it wouldn't be your problem.
let things happen spontaneously. if your family is not dependent on him financially, u may tell your mum.... but i am afraid that fucker will dump your mum finally, i think in your situations, consequences is unpredictable
Ugh. What a shitty situation. I'm sorry you have to go through this stuff. There's really no good solution to this, but if I were you I probably wouldn't tell her. Technically it would be the honest thing to do, but it seems like it would do more harm than good. Just look at the reasons your want to tell her and the reasons you don't want to tell her. She's going to school, she has money, she's not depressed, you'd be saving your siblings the pain, and your home would be secure. By telling her you'd lighten yourself of this particular burden, but it would bring a whole set of others, and you'd reveal your father's dirty deed. I think it's a matter of weighing the pros and cons, which you already seem to have done. And in this case, keeping this to yourself seems to carry the most pros. Maybe you could confront your dad in private about this?
Don't talk to your mum. Talk to your dad about it IN PRIVATE. I know you probably won't but don't bring it up in front of other people..It will be hard, but I'm sure you will have a clearer picture of what is going on. It is a really terrible situation you are in it would seem. I think if you don't want to talk to your dad, you could call a child line and tell them. Maybe talk to someone at your school who you trust? A teacher maybe? I hope you work things out, but it sounds very upsetting. Good luck.
Soul: Sit up to the table , eat your meal, go to bed and keep your mouth shut . This is or isnt a problem between your parents. They will deal with it, if THEY choose too. They dont need their 16 year old kid telling them "where the bear shits", so do what you are going to do and keep your nose out of your parentss business...... .
I know this situation is probably all over with, but I have to say... DO NOT TALK TO YOUR DAD IN PRIVATE!!! If this man has a history of physical abuse, you don't want to push his buttons! That could be very dangerous! I would say don't say anything right now. You are only 16, and it is not your job to be the adult. It is very likely that your mom has the same suspicions that you have been having and has already or will soon find out that she is right. What she chooses to do about that is her business. As adults, we sometimes have to make tough choices, and if she thinks that you are better off with him than on your own, she may decide that the sacrifice is worth making. Just trust that she is doing the best she can and let them deal with their relationship their way.
I have two problems with the answers here. Alaskan says it's not her business. If it were my dad fucking around on my mom, I'd make it my business, and I'd want her to know. If he brings home a gift that keeps on giving I wouldn't want him to give it to her. AIDS still kills, though we've come a long way since 1980... One hip mama says it's not BNS's job to be the adult. The father isn't being an adult. The mother is obviously caught up in this abusive, codependent relationship and is trying to be an adult doing better for her kids but not doing well for herself. Someone needs to step up, this just isn't right. OTOH just because he's on a dating site doesn't mean he's actually screwed around. But as Nietzche said, what we think about, we do and what we do we become. So he's a dirtbag. A dirtbag by any other name is still a dirtbag. Sometimes you have to turn them inside out and shake them.
