I need a reason.

Why do some guys tend to despise independence? In every serious relationship I have had my bf's have encouraged me to quit working, hated me going out with my friends too often (even though they were always invited if location allowed)
Now since I set clearer boundaries from the begining I am being passed up for girls who are far less attractive than me but are more 'needy' financialy or affirmation wise.
Wouldn't a succesful guy prefer a woman who was obviously not out for his money and didn't mind spending the weekend alone while he went out with his boys?
Why do you guys need to be needed? Why can't you all be happy with me just needing you to buy me dinner and not buying me?
Why do I need to do what you say when I paved my own way (rhyme not intended)?
The only guys who are interested in me seem to be much older and wealthy to the point where I cannot relate or my age and don't make as much as me (which I can't deal with). I want a balance with somone who doesn't want to own me but rather spend time with me.
This is an equal amount of ranting and wondering. I am sick of being smothered by guys who want to take care of me but at the same time am sick of guys coming onto me who aren't in the same league as me. How can I find a middle ground and find a guy with more liberal views of what a relationship should be?

 

Well if you want to step into the more dominate role why would you push away more laid back guys.. If you find someone who is at the top of their game they are more then likely the type that wants and likes control. You sound the same. Really I don't understand people who completely judge people by the money they make. Its sad. I guess you just can't have your cake and eat it to.

 

I misread your q.

 

Your problem is not guys in general just the guys youve limited yourself too.

 

I have a female friend who does the same thing since she broke up with her boyfriend. I don't know about you, but in her case she has trouble finding a partner because she comes across as a "crazy bitch" (rather than just assertive).

I am NOT calling you a crazy bitch. I'm just saying, if you don't know someone well they will make a whole lot of assumptions about you based on very little.

 

nah, the crazy bitch part doesn't come out until after a few months into the relationship

 

So, I should compromise my standards? That's my point. I am so tired of guys expecting me to compromise.
Why when I am hot, fun, athletic, smart and make a decent living should I settle for somone who is not those things? Why would I want to date down? I want to improve the gene pool, not dilute mine .

 

I must have miscommunicated I am def not the more over-powering one in a relationship. If I am I get bored and antsy.

I also never said I judge people on the money I make. Why do guys assume that just because I want financial security I am a gold-digger? No way, I work hard so you better damn well too. Why would a girl like seek a guy who she had to carry his weight? I also mentioned that I do not like to date guys who make too much. I'm pretty up there socially, but I would be kidding myself if I think I could fit in with the 40-something multi-millionares at the Sky bar everynight. I do not feel comftrable around that.
My main question was why is there such a lack of guys in between? You're either an older guy looking for a trophy wife or a guy my age with an entry level job who likes to surf all day...no thanks to either.
I was in a great relationship this fall with somone who made just a bit more than me, was my age, very athletic, had a graduate degree, loved weekend getaways, but then several months later I think I'm pregnant, tell him and he does a 180-no more fun, he wants to get married, he's not okay with me going out with my friend etc-even after we found out it was a false alarm. It was like...dude I finally find a perfect guy and ya gotta flip on me enough for me to have to end things?
Every guy I have been with changes, ultimatley into somone I cannot stand. I can still love and care about them but cannot be with somone who I don't like as a person.
I guess this thread was mostly just venting. I thought it was gathering opinions, but of course you all assume the same thing so now it has made me more irratated with your gender in general and less interested in the person I am seeing-because in reality none of you care about me, just how well you can take care of me or what your friends think. IT'S FREAKING LAME!!!

 

I'd guess you just haven't met the right person yet, you will
A little venting never hurts anything either and it just will take longer b/c you aren't willing to put up with this social game bullshit; and you shouldn't settle for less than Goddess IMO
"Why can't you all be happy with me just needing you to buy me dinner and not buying me?"
That enough can be a huge obstacle as sad as that sounds. But you sound cool and lucid to what you want and it will come.
good luck, God bless
peace

 

haha settle.

 

So you're asking, "Why can't I find the perfect man?" ...And someone here is supposed to have the answer?

 

????????????????

 

Haid for once I completely agree with you.

 

Well...I found him...maybe I just found multiple orgasms...who knows. All I know is everything was great,great job, sister's one of my good friends, MBA, likes forgein movies but I thought there was no chemistry and now after having the best sex of my life I think he is a keeper. I guess things happen when you least expect them!

 

?

...

?!

It might be that I'm stoned out of my head and it's 3 o'clock in the morning, but... This whole thread struck me as seriously... Wrong. Somehow.
Come on now, everyone take a good feel.
You feel that? You FEEL that, man?

THIS IS SOME FUCKED UP SHIT!

*Shudder*

You filthy, filthy people.

 

I feel it, spot on

 

I want the last two minutes of my life back. Women shouldn't have the right to be so boring. They should pass legislation.

 

Some guys may be intimidated by a strong, independent woman. Few would admit it though.

 

You know me and one of my best friends were just talking about this. I am very statuesque, have a good job and am very sharp. I also don't back down when I know I am right. This is too much for a lot of guys to handle. When I have asserted myself in past relationships with somone who was short than me and not as attractive I was physically abused pretty badly. I wasn't smart enough at the time to realize he knew I was too good for him.

Thank you for being man enough to admit that sometimes somemen are intimidated by women who can handle their own.
Much love to you!!!

 

i LOVE it when girls are independent. I also don't mind whenever i have one my gf to go out with her friends. that doesn't bother me whatsoever. Jealosy of course makes a guy want to not let their gf go out, but you gotta give them their space.