I'm either asking for advice or just a chance to vent...

I always like to take the christian approach on everything, and on this I don't quite know how...

After meeting this beautiful girl, and after a few outings, I find out that this girl has a BF. He seems to never be around and I don't quite see the relationship. I feel like I really want to be with this girl because she is amazing and easy to talk to and I don't meet a whole lot of people who are like that. I've asked her about him, and she seems to change the subject. She has complained to me about him once because of his attitude. I simply said that I can't help you there. I didn't want to say it but I said it because I didn't want to say what I felt. Actually, I'm not quite sure what I felt, but I know I didn't feel right saying that. They've been going out for 2 months. She never talks about him. I kind of feel like I'm the secret relationship. I don't think she really loves him, but then again, she hasn't been 100% open about him. It's an awkward subject with her.

I think about the reasons why I do want to go out with her and they outweigh the options of being friends. I want her to be happy(christian approach) but then again I can't deal with it. Am I selfish for wanting her to be with me? or do I not care about myself because I'd rather her be with him, rather than me? I really feel that she would be better off with me and that I can help her out.

Is this confusing? I'm venting, yet I'm seeking advice. Just some one let me know that they understand this. I rarely ask for advice because most of the time its not worth it but I have to figure this one out. Thanks.

 

I don't know about the Christian approach...but why don't you just go with the moral approach.


The chick has a boyfriend...don't go there. Be there as a friend...a genuine friend and if things don't work out with the guy...then go from there.

But don't go interferring with a relationship like that...cuz the same thing could happen to you...and I don't think you'd want someone doing that to you, do you?

 

...but I don't think shes happy with him. Then again, I don't know the facts. I should back off but its so hard. I don't meet very many people who I get along with as well as I do with her.

 

Be her friend, and if she is not happy with him, she'll drop him and then maybe you could persue her?

 

i've been on the other side of this. maybe things between them are such that they can't be around each other much. who knows. but one thing that will definatly not help either of them (and i take it you DO care about him as well, as thats the "christian" idea) will be giving her your opinion on the relationship, or any pressure from you. if the two of them aren't going to work out, let it be because of what they feel and decide. not because of what some new guy has to say. its the only right/moral/christian/caring/etc thing to do.

 

That is what I was trying to say but you said it right. Basically be there as a friend, but don't get involved in their relationship. if it fails on it's own, then go for it.

 

Be there.

But let her make the first move.

 

Thanks everybody... I think I can handle it now.

 

ONE YEAR LATER and we are engaged... kind of.

 

hahaha it's true guys and I didn't just pay her to write that

 

Well good for your guys! Congratulations!

 

awesome congrats
i kinda senced the whole thong mvin in that direction..but i really gotta laugh at the whole notion of "christian approach" cause isnt the christian approacuh to assume you know whats best for every1 then push your views & morality onto them? "you belong woith me cause im a better person/christian" no offence meant..just its such a joke to say christian approach when discussing moral issues since pagans druids athiests & anyone with alittle decency would act the exact same way, without judging otheres relationships...dont get me wrong..im happy it worked out for yas forthe best (i hope) its just the notion of a christian approach that i find hilarious

true christian approach to dating/relationships
ohh shes so hot i wanna fuck her silly
cant have sex till married
lets get married so we can have sex
oh but wait yoyr a lutheran catholiv evangelist & i'm an evangalistivc catholic lutheran..we cant get marroied or ever see eachother again
so ya jerk off
then deny youver ever had a hard on in your life
feel guilt feel guilt feel guilt
confess your "sins"
find any1 with the right beliefs
marry them even if u hate them
do your sexual duty every 3 months..
& brag about how happy gods made you by bringing you together



ofcourse none of this is directed at you in particular..just be careful with your christian approach..the christian approach to relationships leads to emptiness thats why they only find joy in a book instead of in eachother..


but good luck

 

Lol! :lol: Although I must disagree with that part of performing your sexual duty every 3 months. Trust me, most Christians do not like waiting THAT long for sex - we do it every two and a half months :jester:

Sorry, this is way off topic now, but I just couldn't help myself.

 

yea i gotta apologize for that i did lead the thread off topic..just couldnt help myself

just that term..christian approach.. christian morality.. whatever...is thrown around so often, but is entirely meanningless except as an ego stroke..all people would react the same wether christian muslim or jew, all have basicaly the same morality..but the term christian approach gets tossed around like it means som,ething just so they can feel superiur in all they do..

funny thing is..this threads about the christian approach to "covetting another mans wife" lol
or..finding loopholes in commandments to sin without sorrow

im joking so please dont take that to heart..i dont believe in such silly things
but there is a certain comedic value in it

 

I totally get what you gusy are saying about all that... its that same thing that I dont understand about SOME religious people (not limited to christians) because they hold so many oxymorons.

But for what its worth, he didnt break me and my previous boyfriend apart. He really was "christian" about it.