Men? What Are You Thinking? A Woman's Perspective....

Do you men think "us" women are just completely without a clue as to what we expect from you?

I've been dating my boyfriend now for 4 months. Supposedly he loves me; that's what he claims. In any relationship, when you first meet someone, we all kinda need to work through our fears, whatever they may be. Face it; no relationship is just "perfect" with no hesitations. It would be easy if life were that way; but, in reality, we work to keep relationships rounded.

Anyway, today is my birthday. My boyfriend and I had planned a month or so ago that we would spend the day together. Since that time, things have really gone fast for me and I told him at one point that I needed a little space. He interpreted that as my wanting to break up with him. So, we got that ironed out as to exactly what I meant by "needing a little space". We've continued seeing each other; things have been smoothly until we get to last night. This is the email I got from him that he wrote last night.... We've spoke about what we're doing today; I went out and bought a dress to wear because we were going to a classey resturaunt for dinner. I took the day off to spend with Steve....

Donna,
I'm home and am trying to get time to phone you, but I wanted to be the first to wish you Happy Birthday. We talked some time back about spending time together tomorrow and haven't discussed it since you needed that space a while back. Are you still planning on having some time tomorrow? I know you hit the hay early. Can you write me and let me know if you still think that would be nice. Maybe we could do lunch and a movie, or something else, if you prefer. Can you write me tonight? You won't need to get up so early if we're gonna get together. Happy Birthday. I'd love to celebrate with you!
Steve

What ta "hey" is this letter? Are you freakin' serious? Am I confused or what? Trying to get time to call me? But he can find time to write? Lunch and a movie?

What's your intpretation? Know what? He called and I told him I had other plans? Am I reading something here that I shouldn't or is he just "side stepping". Give me a break! Get up early? I planned on him being here this morning to spend the day with me. WTF

Steve has been struggling with some financial issues. I know this, but on the same hand he got himself into the mess by his own doing. He's always making promises about what he will be doing for me in the future; that right now money is tight. Well! Ya know what? Don't make promises that you have no idea you can fulfill. I am sure that this dilema with my birthday was due to financial cirumstances, but you know what? Don't make excuses; be honest about it for God's sake.

Let's be honest here.... Men? Us Women can read between the lines. Where in God's name do you get the idea that things just somehow slip by us and we don't recognize it when you're not being honest. A man will be the first one to say, "I don't like a woman that isn't truthful".... I find that men are liars. Yes, women do lie sometimes. I did when I told Steve that I'd made other plans; I haven't. Relationships can not survive bridges of deceptions; it just can't. Being a woman in this relationship, I honestly am loosing the desire I have for Steve due things of this nature. I know I'll loose someone very special, but I also can't love someone that isn't upfront and truthful with me. It doesn't mean "little white" lies shouldn't be told; but, things of this nature. They destroy a woman's love and connection for a man.

What are you men thinking?

 

It seems to me that this guy really likes you, and he is only respecting your wish, by giving you some space, and not coming on to strong, through the fear of losing you.
he may well be having money problems, and a trip to the pictures may be all he can afford.
he probably means well when making these promises, and probably hurts him when he cant follow up on them.
Try having a word with him, explaining that if he wants a relationship with you, that he is to make no more promises, if there are no more promises there will be no disappointments.
on the other hand , he may be one of those guys who are just full of it.

 

I really don't know what you are talking about. It sounds like he is just being respectful and getting your permission first. He is feeling you out. Just relax a little. Unless this ones married.

 

you seem to be blowing things way out of proportion

chill out a bit

and I find you to be highly hypocritical, absolutely condemning dishonesty form him and then doing it yourself
if you want any sorta honest relationship - BE HONEST!

 

Strutting Pretty, I actually feel sorry for Steve. You sound like a real bore...And if you think that men lie more than women, your IQ couldn't very well be in the heights.

 

yeh, men suck at lying (except for exagerrating :tongue, women do it constantly for petty social reasons

 

We are only human ppl ... Everyone makes mistakes. AND Everyones backgrounds are totally different . So there should be no he she it thing going on

 

yeah lighten up on the man a bit. he sounds like he respected your wishes and gave you the space you needed... and now you expect him to be at your beck and call? come on lady! call him! talk to him! stop being cranky!

 

I can't speak for the rest of the men, but I think that reading between the lines isn't an exact science. Anyone with a brain, man or woman, can read between the lines; but sometimes there's either nothing to read, or we're reading it the wrong way. I'm not saying you read your boyfriend's letter wrong, because I don't know him. I'm just saying try reading it again.

Oh and do quit with the "us women can read between the lines" crap as if you women own this ability and we don't. We can do it too. And reading between your lines, it seems to me that you somehow see us men as villains and you and other women are heroines and/or victims. Seriously, reading your post, you seem to have this "Women=good, Men=bad" attitude!

"I find that men are liars"?! And you follow that up with "Yes, women lie sometimes"?! Reading between your lines, I get the impression that you actually think it's more okay for women to lie but not men.

Here's another example:

"Do you men think 'us' women..." You see us as the enemy, even though we're not!

You are being unfair to us, ma'am. Even if your boyfriend really is the liar you tell us he is, and even if all your past boyfriends were the same, you have no right to lump us men all together and write us off as the villains. Especially since you yourself admit that you do lie.

 

i cant believe youre 48, this post sounds like its coming from a 16 year old complete with game playign ("no i made plans!" fo ryour night out... coulda just said you didnt feel like going out with him anymore and it wouldnt have been game playing). i think you need to re-evaluate your relationshpi, and your part in it.... things dont get bad because of one person alone usually

 

I felt similar

 

Maybe she's had too many guys lie to her in the past. Not saying that THAT'S an EXCUSE, but it would at least partly explain her attitude.

 

Sounds like he's more confused about what you want than anything and who can blame him. " I need more space " is indeed the typical read between the lines phrase for 'yeah, it's gonna be over soon'. You did straighten that out but it puts the seed of doubt in the back of ones head and he's coming off as unsure and insecure. That's what 'I'm trying to get the time to call you' means. " I'm trying to work up the nerve to touch upon a subject that has the potential to go south. "

And guess what, it did go south and now you're playing mind games. No wonder the guy doesn't know which way is freakn' up. He's feeling insecure and you just shat on him with a game/lie - that's really gonna help.

*applaudes Musikero* Nicely said.

 

ummm cowboy blue... how bout we not say that lying is related to gender? that's immature dude. so fuck that shit.. "women are worse".. are you an expert or something?
i think EVERYONE lies. how bout that?

 

yea, just total upfront honesty is the way to go man, there isn't anything I can't tell my g/f...i mean we know exactly what we are saying, turns into almost a telepathy after awhile
been doing since we were 15 still works, of course we are odd ones

just ask him whats up
peace, love

 

to the topic starter....

good luck in the future you crazy bat. poor fella must be goin thru hell with you.

 

Thank you all for your responses. Yes, I have been lied to terribly in the past. Your responses help me to see this in a different light. I do appreciate what you've had to say on this. It wasn't meant personally against men. There is one element of our relationship that wasn't mentioned here, so you don't have the entire picture; but, that I won't open a can of worms with that because honestly, I do love the man and am scared to death of loosing him. This may sound childish to you; that's certainly your rights to share. I have been hurt a lot; this relationship is different from any that I've been in. Your opinions helped tremendously. Sometimes, we need a different light shed on a situation no matter how harsh the words. We all have differences of opinion and should all respect them as such. Thanks again.

 

Is this still the married guy?


Cowboy, man if lying was only done by one gender all our lives would be easier but it doesn't work that way.

 

I wish you both well, then. I'm glad we were able to help, though we were more than a bit blunt (sorry 'bout that).

 

lol Cowboy.... Assume what you will. This forum isn't about distinguishing one's personalities; yet, that of writing for other's feedback. Tell me if you're a psychologist and that you're qualified to make such a judgment. In life we have ways of putting walls up around us; that's called defense mechanisms, to prevent us from being hurt. I posted this forum for opinions. You're certainly entitled to your opinion. I respect it as that. Obviously you don't have respect for others feelings and don't understand nor have the ability to understand relationships and their turmoils. You certainly don't have class which is obviously clear nor do you have compassion. I make that assumption based merely on your immaturity displayed for lack of respect. Obviously you've misinterpreted "hurt" for "mad". I'm thinking you've been hurt, too, from your reaction here.

And? Thank you again for your opinion. I value it as such. Now! That's class.