Alright, this might be a slightly long post, and for that, I apologize in advance. I'm having some problems with my friend Andrew, and I just need some input from some other people, maybe some who have gone through this as well. Okay, well, back in December of '06, Andrew and I decided to take one tab of ecstasy each. So, we do this, and later on in the evening, when it started kicking in, we called it a night to all of our other friends, then went into my room. We both started feeling really good about an hour later, and through conversation, Andrew admits (or more like hints) that he's bisexual. I tried to make it easy on him by telling him I'm gay, which I really am. He became really happy, and said I was the first person he's ever told that. At this point, we go out to my car to have a smoke, and midway into the cigarette, he asks me ever so shyly if I would be willing to fool around with him. Now, I've had somewhat of a crush on him for the whole 5 months I knew him, so of course I say yes. We went into my room, got all ready, and we did our thing together. During this, Andrew tells me how he loves how he can say "dude" instead of "babe" and that he wanted this to be a regular thing, and how he wanted to call me "his Andy". Now, at this point I've fallen pretty hard for him, almost in love. We fall asleep next to each other, and the next day, Andrew is freaking out. He said how that was only a one night thing, and that if anyone ever found out he'd kill himself, and all this kinds of things, and then took off for him own house. He didn't call me for another two days, and then told he that he had thought about it, and he was happy it happened, that it was good for our friendship, and yadda yadda yadda. So, here we are 2 months later, and I have written him 3 letters since then telling him how I think I'm seriously in love with him, and that it's too hard for me to JUST be friends with him. His responses to the letters are less than what I had hoped for, and he told me he doesn't see anything happening in the future. However, as straight as he has tried to act for the last month or so, when him and I are sitting in my car late at night before we part ways, he confuses the HELL out of me, by like taking an extra long time grabbing a lighter off my crotch, resting his hands on my knees, wrestling with me to where he pulls my hands towards his crotch and holds them there, and, occassionally, when we catch each other's eyes, he'll quickly run his tongue across his lips. That, and when like our other friend travis who's straight will joke around with me about being gay, and will gently touch me, I'll say something like "stop it, you aren't even touching me the way I like, Travis", and Andrew quietly said "yea, let me show you how". All of these small kinds of hints are really REALLY confusing me, because every time I try to have a talk with him about it, or about us, he makes it seem like it was just a wild night, and that he really is straight, yet he keeps giving me these tiny little hints, and I don't know what's going on in his mind at this point. Has anyone else gone through something similar? What is Andrew doing to me? I am absolutely MADLY in love with him, and it hurts SO much not to be able to have him, but it hurts even more when he teases me like that. What should I do?
I agree with Crazy, also maybe he's just uncomfortable with himself? You mentioned that he tries to act straight, and that you're the only one he's ever told. It may be a cliche, and an unhelpful one at that, but perhaps you just need to let him find out who really he is and what he wants. Don't give up, I reckon he still likes you really, he's just afraid to admit it, or maybe scared to regret what could happen next. I sound like one of those counsellors who tells you to 'channel your anger' in a soft voice, and gives you little teddy bear stickers and stuff. I'm sorry
