Is it better to be in a relationship???

Hey, i'm coming towards my first anniversary out of a relationship and can't wait to find my next one. However, some friends told me to stay out of one and njoy my singlehood as long as possible. But deep inside i'm only happy if i've got someone to share and relate to in life. Am i being childish or stupid?

 

I'm moving this to the relationship forum, then you can get a broader point of view, this is not soley a gay issue
S

 

^I'm not sure. I don't know if he wanted to hear from straight people.. that was his prerogative, I think.

PaulFrank, you're not childish. Just make sure you're ready. I made the mistake of jumping too quickly into a new relationship but I sincerely was not looking for it. Again, just make sure you are ready. Don't be afraid to live your life the way you want to. Others may give you advice but only you can know yourself, test yourself and understand yourself.

 

At different points of your life, you will feel different ways. When I was in my late teens, I was in a relationship and couldn't imagine being OUT of one...I wanted to get married and have kids and BLAH BLAH BLAH. Now I'm in my mid-twenties and I can't imagine BEING in a relationship right now. I enjoy my freedom and enjoying MY life...and doing what I want to do. I know eventually I will be ready for a relationship again, but not anytime soon.

We all grow in different ways...so it's not the same for anyone. Some are cut out for relationships all the time, some aren't...do what you feel is right.

 

If being in a relationship makes you more happy than being single, then I dont see why not seek that out. I mean, obviously you have to use your senses. You dont want to jump into just anything.

I like being single, but if I am in a relationship I prefer it to be more of a serious one than really casual. I dig the intimacy that can develop.

Anyway, good luck!

 

It's hard to judge, from inside or out. Sometimes, you get into a cycle of short term relationships. I don't know about necessarily enjoying it, but I think sometimes it does you good to be single for a while. A lot of people seem to date, break-up and find someone else seamlessly, and it's like they're trying to fill a void in themselves, rather than appreciating the person they're with. It doesn't feel like a good thing for anyone.

But yeah, it's very hard to know whether you're in that position. You don't want to miss out on someone who could be very good for you purely for the sake of experiencing singlehood, and while in the ideal world everyone would be willing to wait forever for everyone to be ready, in reality it's not gonna happen.

If he's someone you feel you'd date even if you were totally happy in every aspect of your life, I'd say go for it. If you're using dating as self-medication, I would take your friends' advice. Unfortunately, it's difficult to tell which applies to you without being you.

 

Hey thanks for moving here, Sam. I'm still pretty new to this forum and it's great to hear from all you guys/gals. I guess the answer to being in a relationship is really about timing isnt it? I agree with Annie that we have different needs at different stage of our life but then again you'll never know who you miss along the way. Would it be fair to say one should follow ones heart rather than our brain when it comes to relationship?

 

I think that's always the rule of thumb.

 

If you are out for the thrill of casual sex that is one approach. But, if you are into building the bonds of genuine friendship/love you will be relating to a partner as a whole person. Friends have a way of becoming more that friends and when that happens you begin expressing yourselves in physical ways, the hugging, kissing give way to even more intense physicality. Eventually, there comes that great moment when you both realize that real coupling is the appropriate next step. The sex act then becomes the confirmation of the bonds that have already been established between yourselves and the sex is great with each repeat becoming more intense.
And that, my friends, takes time but the sex in such a relationship athough intense physically, is much more than that; it is the joyful, often spontaneous, often wild but sometimes very quiet, celebration of the bonds of love between two people. Too often we settle for the immediate thrill and then we wonder why sex sometimes becomes such a hassle.

 

I don’t think you should be in a relationship purely because you don’t like being single, I think a relationship should develop naturally. I understand that when a lot of people talk about enjoying being single they mean casual sex but really enjoying being single can be about doing what you want without having to consider a partner.