Killing myself with anxiety and depression

It's the only thing I really feel anymore. I always have this feeling at the bottom of my stomach, like it is being turned inside out. I feel like I am going to puke alot (and, no, I'm not pregnant) and I sleep less and less each night. I have very few friends. One of them is not talking to me for some reason, so that only leaves me with less than I can count on one hand, and only one of those people lives near me. I am up all night and sleep during the day. I wish I were dead all the time. I don't have any money to go see a psychologist. I can't watch TV or movies anymore. I just sit there and stare at the screen; even video games are losing their attraction for me. I sit here and I live vicariously through the monitor. I listen to music and I wait until bed. I look forward to nothing. Right now I am feeling insane from anxiety. I am going to jump out of my skin and tear out my hair. I hate myself. I project that hate onto everything around me. I think I have a touch of OCD. Fuck, I know I do.

God, I think I'm losing it....

 

Distractions can actually be very positive ways to take onself out of anxious states and particularly if its something which requires your concentration and focus (like a video game).
Here is where they can be used for negative - when you are using them to as a sort of escape from you cognitive (thinking).

Not gonna get into any big long analogies here but just to say that you need and want to get away from any distractions.
Even for excruciating hour long breaks.
Nothing will beat a long walk or even a very quiet room with 10 minutes meditation.
The point is that you are in a negative cycle that must be broken.

I mean I dont need to tell you this really but obviously get out of that cycle, get away from the distractions (tv, games, internet forums).
At least try an hour first.
Then two hours.
so on and so on.

Just starting this tomorrow and you will find instant improvements.
From there you can take the next steps towards removing anxiety and depression from your life.

 

It all depends how you feel. If your open to just distracting yourself, then sure, or you just need something big to shock your system, kind of change your whole view on everything. Just go out there one day and do something completely radical, random and shocking...whatever that might be.

 

I feel that way a lot in the mornings and i'm not sure why. I think its due to a lot of shit thats just going on in my life right now, i wake up feeling anxious and upset. I find smoking a joint, reading, and taking hot baths calm me down (sometimes all at the same time ). Also, so does a good cup of tea and peppermint oil help the stomache.

 

Well I know how you feel beautiful smelly socks, but you know you are my best friend already. and I know that you know that I know that you know that I know that you know that I know that you know that I am here for ya if you feel down in the future

 

I can relate, I have suffered through the same thoughts and feelings We move around alot and I never have friends or connections and when I finally meet someone it's time to go and start all over again. I found that I am a good artist and when I paint or draw everything else ceases to exist. Your not alone. Meditation and grounding yourself also helps. I go out and sit under a tree and become one. Sounds wierd but it works