My girlfriend recently returned from a trip abroad and confessed to me that she dislikes bisexual people because "they are too afraid to be gay". Mind you: A. She only recently defined herself as a lesbian B. I refuse to define myself and that scares her. I am a lesbian because I love her and I am with her but I've been with men in the past so she considers me bi. She told me she is fearful I am going to leave her because I am bisexual. The temptation of both sexes is just too overwhelming... WTF?! I could understand her fears if I had cheated in the past or lied to her but I haven't!!! I am committed and very much in love with her, why should my sexual preference play any role in that?..?! I really, really don't understand...
Another example of people being motherfuckers, seems your girlfriend is making her experience into general facts. She once labelled bi and now she doesn't? If she is fearful, let her be, there's nothing you can do unless lie to her and say you are lesbian. If you want that road, I wouldn't advise it, makes you less credible.
I think these are just her own insecurities. Really it has nothing to do with you or bisexuality and everything to do with her own fear of you leaving her. Blaming the possibility on bisexuality is her trip and unfortunately you've gotta deal with the result. I think one of the best things you can do for her is to just show her she can trust you by not changing anything about yourself. If you don't want to label yourself, then don't. If you feel more comfortable with the fact that you've been on both sides of the fence and prefer to label yourself as bisexual, then that's what you should do. If you truly feel comfortable with being a full on lesbian and calling yourself one, go for it. I know, I know... this doesn't really seem like sound or logical advice, but in my experience this works. I once dated this guy (I hope the fact that I'm not a lesbian but rather a straight female doesn't disqualify my interaction in this forum) who was friends with all of his ex's. This BURNED my blood and made me feel like complete and utter shit. They were all hot and I hated it that he hung out with them. Instead of appeasing my jealousy by giving up his friendships with these women, he continued to treat them like all his other friends while at the same time loving me abundantly. One day I decided that I could either go on living this tortured existence being jealous and feeling like shit over his associations with his ex's or I could get it together and get over it. I could continue creating all these scenarios in my head about what he was doing with them, or anybody else for that matter, or I could take control of my insecurites and realize them for what they were... MY insecurities. So I did that. I took control. I was allowing these feelings to interfere with my relationship and since I was the only one feeling them and creating these false realities, then logically I was the only one that was going to put an end to them. If he had coddled me and stopped being friends with them and conceded to MY idea (at the time. This was many moons ago and we are actually still friends. And there is absolutely no sexual tension. As a matter of fact I see him more as a brother and would never want to be with him like that again nor would he with me... so I proved my own idea wrong to myself via my relationship with him) that ex's can't be friends with each other without some sort of sexual tension (and the idea that bisexual people are too afraid to be gay is your girl's idea and nowhere near the truth inmho) then I may never have gotten over my shit. But because he continued his natural way of being, and didn't do anything bad to make me not trust him, I was forced to accept him for who he was or move on. I opted to accept him totally and by doing so ended up liberating myself from my own mental slavery to these unhealthy emotions. Letting go of many of those insecurities freed me. Sorry for rambling, but my point is this: The only way to prove to your babe that you love her and only her is to prove it to her on a daily basis through your natural way of being while at the same time giving her the love she wants from you, and that you want to give to her. Love is somethin'. And the most real thing about it is that it truly is blind. It has nothing to do with sexual preference and everything to do with the soul-connection. Does any of this make sense? I hope your sweetie can work it out inside of herself. ultimitetly for her, but also for you and your relationship together. If she can't her fears of you leaving her may come to fruition by her own hand, not because you would be a cheating-lying-whore, but because she pushed you away with her insecurities. I wish you both well...
Great response shutterfly! We all have a past. We can let our partner's past drive us insane or accept it as the past.
I understand your girlfriend's paranoia...most of my girlfriends have been bisexual and our relationship ended because they wanted to be with a guy rather than me. One of them told me that girls are naturally sweet, romantic and caring...and guys aren't. so when a really wonderful guy comes along they just have to try it out with them. Augh. I don't really understand it...if you're with someone who really loves you why leave just because they don't have a penis? *shakes head in confusion* My current girlfriend is bisexual and she is friends with all of her ex boyfriends. They are constantly hitting on her and asking her to have sex with them. She always declines but she still talks to them like it's no big deal. I find their disrespect for our relationship absolutely appaulling. I have no clue why she continues to talk to them. It definetely causes paranoia...but if you don't have random guys tempting you all the time then I don't see why your girlfriend is so afraid that you will leave her....especially if you show her all the time how much you love her. I really love shutterfly's post. It makes alot of sense to me...maybe your girlfriend should read it =P
