searching for myself...

hi everyone,

at the moment i'm very confused... i've been searcing for an answer to who i am, for half a year now...(i'm 18 by the way) and i keep being unsure of myself... the fear that i might be wrong about myself is immense, i know it happens... i know there are people who realized too late they were wrong, and i'm so scared of being one of those...

i've been talking to many people and absorbing much information, but yet i'm not sure of who i am... i know the answer lies within me and that i'm the only one who can say who i am, but i can't seem to know for sure... i think i'm a girl.. but i'm not sure... my gendertherapist says to take everything step by step... fine, but i just hate not knowing who i am, i don't like to walk around in the dark...

 

I'd like you to look at this
http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=212378
I would be more worried if you weren't confused and your therapist will hopelly only advise that you go for surgery when s/he feels you are really ready.
so yeah don't rush, this is serious stuff and no one can answer this but you because the answers are all different for different people.
see if your therapist can refere you to any organisations where you can meet over transexuals and transgendered people, talk about their experinces.
take the journey don't rush to get to the end, because to be honest if you do have surgery thats really just the beginning, so none of this should be taken lightly
S

 

i've been to a transgender meeting, and the advice was also to take everything step by step.. and to go see a specialized shrink, it would be expensive but more helpfull...
but therapist says, that going to a psychiatrist could have an opposite effect, and that i could come out there even more confused...so i guess the step by step process would be the best... but then i'll need to tell my sis and bro...*sigh*

 

everyones on some type of journey you know, we're all trying to discover and find out new things about ourselves
S

 

i know, i know... but i rather know where my journey is going instead of searching in the dark...

 

are you dressing full time as a female?
S

 

^_^ No, i still live at home. Mom and dad know, but brother and sister not yet... therapist suggests it's best to tell them, i should try everything to avoid living a double life

 

It certainly isn't going to be easy and you may find people won't stick by you and people who you thought wouldn't do, may surprise you.
however how do you expect to lessen your confusion until you go full time, because at the moment you are living as both sexes.
now i'm actually not saying you should go full time, only when you are ready, but I would think the confusion will lessen when you make a decision on this
S

 

i'm not even living as both... i'm living like i lived for the past 18 years...in silence
and well getting that confusion away, will happen by taking everything step by step... i guess
that way i'll see how far my GID goes, and i won't make huge mistakes... by taking small steps... but meanwhile i get annoyed not knowing where it ends...

 

its sounds to me that your at the beginning of your journey, so its naturel you can't see the end, however if you rush it you could make mistakes, which isn't what you want, better to be impatient for a bit longer!
S

 

i guess so, there's nothing much i can do about it, except waiting at the moment...
thx for answering

grtz, Apsenniel

 

have you read any of the other threads in this forum
S

 

yes i have, and i also have been to other reliable forums and chats. :--)

grtz Apsenniel