I might comment, but you might not like what I might say. Are you willing to accept such stipulations?
Well, it sounds to me like you are using your husband. I don't know what he did in the past but yea you have/have had the chance to leave. So now you are using him for his money while you carry it even further trying to get close to another man you have some silly school girl crush on. Yet, you complain how he has messed up your trust bond. It is not your husbands fault that you don't work. Be responsible for yourself. Either dedicate yourself to your marriage or leave. If he doesn't dedicate himself to the marriage then leave. You guys need to grow up and get past the games.
from her journal. it took two of you to get ot the point youre at and either both of you want to make it work or you two are just fucked
Um, I do work. I work hard raising my children. I don't pay someone else to do it for me. Also, I have a "job". I work in a lab drawing blood from people for clinical testing. I only do that a few times a month, so I can stay home with my kids, and so my husband can work. That's something HE needs to do to feel good about himself and such. We tried it the other way around, and it didn't work, even though I make more money than he does. We are in a deep relationship that we both put a lot of effort into. Raising a family is not an easy thing to do. For us to split, that would mean me going back to work full time, paying someone $680 a month to raise my children while I work my ass off. My husband doesn't make a whole shit ton of money. We chop and gather all our fire wood. The wood-burning stove is our only source of heat. We live at 9,000 ft elevation. This house takes a lot to keep going. The roof in our bathroom leaks. We have an incinolet toilet. We don't have running water. Now tell me I'm a gold digger using my husband for his "money". Regardless of the problems we've had together, I still love him, and I'd always hope the best for him. Right now, I'm stickin around because of that reason. He needs me. He says he wants to make it work. I've always put my all in to this. I'm not the problem here, he is, and he admits to that. I just have to trust him enough to believe him when he says he wants to do all those things that he wasn't doing in the past. Or not do those other things that he was doing to betray my trust in the first place. I'm not sure I can do that again. The crush is pretty silly, and I will admit to that. Can't really help it though.
I never said you were a money grubber, I said it is not right for you to stick around just because of money concerns. Here you repeat it again: It sounds like you want to be gone but it is going to be too much work, money and that is not fair to either of you in a relationship. If this is not the case then don't worry about it but that is what I have got out of your posts. You call trust issues in the past plus present a deep relationship? You call trying to get closer to another man a deep relationship, that is putting in your full effort? Don't think so. I think that if this statement was true you wouldn't have posted in the first place. If you want to stay with your husband (for reasons beyond money) then you both have to work harder towards it (avoid the crush guy not get closer). If the money and hardship are whats holding you back then you are not being honest with him. Decide, which way you want to go but make the commentment and keep it.
Robyn~* Was really nice talking with you tonight. Hope to get to do it again really soon. Much Love Sisturrr~*
Does he hit you or the kids? Is he physically abusive to the point where a normal life is impossible? Is he a drunk or a druggie? If not, I think it is a shame because you seem to be thinking so much about yourself. With the information you gave us it seems you are ready to end a marriage and hurt your children's childhood in order to possibly pursue a crush. If you have a husband who is trying to make things work and who is there for your kids why would you leave it right now? When you had kids you took on the responsibility of doing what is best for them when you could. Don't you think having a complete family is better than a broken one as long as there is no abuse going on?
abuse doesnt determine wthehr or not a home is healthy. my parents split up when i was very young and im glad they did, they didnt get along... but there was NEVER any abuse. doesnt mean it wasnt a broken home. to quote dr phil (probably the only smart thign hes ever said), "children woudl rather be from a broken home than in one" now, im not saying that thte siutation constitutes a broken home, just saying that there are a lot mroe legimiate reasons than abuse for a family to split up
i think that this fixation that you have for this other guy is only based on the problems that you have at home... apparently you are idealizing this other guy cuz your husband wasn´t what you spect for a husband. so, what I think you have to do is first of all, get a job... start having your own things, your own space... and then, when you are completely independent of your husband, and absolutely seppareted from him, then, and just then, start thinking in other guys. just my opinion... good luck in any desicion that you take.
