Through angry tears of painful defense, We build our walls of passive pretense. We grip and expand the hurt times ten, So no one will ever hurt us again. Brick after brick, stain after stain, We build a wall and worship our pain. We learn tactics and lies to keep others away, And turn our lives into depressing cliche. The problems continue-in fact, they increase. We build our walls further, but the pain will not cease. It thrives and grows, with a life of its own. The wall does its job, it keeps you alone. As all things crumble, so will the wall. If your heart is too heavy, then hard you will fall. So break the wall down, and lighten your load. Where once was a wall, now is a road.
i really like it, it has a great message though sometimes i feel rhyme inhibits what one can truly say without it, it still works well not that you would have to, but try writing the same poem (same message) without rhyme, just to see how it works
i understand your point about the rhyme-i've been told this many times. the thing is, the rhyme scheme seems to help me tap into my subconscious. perhaps over time, my writing will evolve, but this method has always helped to say what i truly feel. thank you for your feedback, everyone.
i do both, by the way. i often just write what's on my mind, but i feel that poems with a rhyme sheme allow me a different sort of communication route. i would consider most of my posts in the philosophy forum the other side of the coin, for me.
hey yyyesiam2, i really liked the poem, today i find my wall very tall and i have been doing so well here lately in taking it down, this poem hit home with me today, thankyou for bringing my feelings to the surface, keep writing
i'm not downgrading you or your poem or anything of the like, in fact, i think i know exactly what you mean in fact, i used to write almost entirely in rhyme, it's just how it came out (which is weird because i know most people have to think about what rhymes) but lately i have realized that when you end one line in a certain word and intend to end the next line with one that rhymes, you limit what you could have said otherwise either way, i really love the last two lines of this poem
i know you weren't tryin' to downgrade it, man. i appreciate the criticism. guinea-that was the intended purpose, and it means alot to me that it had the desired effect. thank you for your response.
