a rather embarassing problem

I would have posted this in True Confessions, but I don't want to be laughed at. This isn't about a troubled relationship, but more about my lack thereof. I'm 18, almost 19, and have not been in a real relationship, been on a real date(except for one pity date), and have never even kissed a guy. And obviously, I'm a virgin. I'm too embarassed to tell anyone in real life, because everyone I know is in a relationship, has kissed someone and has probably lost their virginity too. I have no idea how to meet guys and be natural. I still get butterflies, get really jerky and nervous, and consequently, chase them away. I don't know why, but I just get really scared, because I'm insecure and don't want to take the risk and look stupid for liking a guy who doesn't like me back. I don't find myself physically attractive, but I know that shouldn't stop me from being happy. Could someone please tell me how to, well, "search" for a boyfriend? I have no idea where to begin, talking about dating was always taboo in my family and my mom would never tell me how to get a guy. I know being single can be fun, but I'm sick and tired of that.

 

Hey! You're not alone! I'm 20 and I've never been kissed, been in a relationship, or on a date. It doesn't bother me, though. It did at one point, but I have plenty of self-esteem, and I know it'll happen when it's supposed to. In a way I feel protected--I've never had to worry about getting pregnant, having a horny teenage boyfriend cheat on me, or any of the other stupid immature crap that comes with high school relationships. I'm in college now, and I've recently had several crushes, but I'm waiting for my soul mate and don't much care for the immature boys in my age group. I'm probably going to have to date someone older, or wait till I'm 30. But like I said, fuck society's standards--I have my own, and I'm glad I'm not one of those people who doles out their intimate affections as though they were worthless. (Not that making out and such is a bad thing, just not right for me at the moment)

 

I'm in the same boat as you too, except I'm not embarrassed about it at all! Sure I get lonely sometimes, but it's not too bad. I'm just waiting until I meet someone that I feel I could really, truly, love.

Also, Strawberry fields hit it right on the head when she said, "But like I said, fuck society's standards--I have my own"

*sigh*, I wish there were more independent thinkers at my University... It's an extremely attractive quality (well, at least for me )

 

I was similar (but male and 17) until I met my girlfriend - through myspace

I was slowly but surely getting over my shyness - getting a little flirtier and talking to girls a bit more
I figured that being shy only hurts you - and was tyring my best to put this ideology to work
and after talking to this girl nearly every day on the phone - we decided to meet
slowly we lingered from a friendship to a relationship and we kissed for the first time at midnight on New Years - and I asked her out officially about 17hrs later when she came to visit me at work



I've always been a hopeless romantic (still am cause shit always seems to interfere with my romantic acts =P)
so being single until 17 was quite hard on me
I had two internet relationships - one when I was quite young (I think I was 11 or 12)
and the other about four months before I met my girlfriend (it lasted about 2/3 of that time) that was super serious (big mistake) - but it was too much for us to handle
but those really don't count since I never met either of those girls =P
but yeah this post is super scattered and stuff
but the point it - I know it's hard but you are going to have to be patient - you never know when it will come
and do your best to become more outgoing - take it from me, it makes life a helluva a lot easier

 

Are you hitting on me, Silver? Hey, do you by any chance go to Reed? My grandparents live a few blocks from there.

 

Heh heh, nah, I was just somewhat remiss about how I really haven't met any truly independent thinkers here at my University who are willing to blaze their own path in life.

As for Reed, no, I go to University of Portland. I feel slightly out of place here since it's a Catholic University and I don't believe in religion, but it doesn't really matter. I have my beliefs, others have theirs. To each their own!

Plus the academics here are excellent

 

Do you know a guy named Wes? or Guy Valentine? Sorry to OP, I didn't mean to highjack this thread.

 

Hmm, can't say I do... I just transferred here this semester from UC Davis, so I haven't met everyone yet

 

All of you- meeting quality people of the opposite sex is not that difficult:

1. Join a club, singing group, hiking group, church group, other social organization where you all are pursing common interests. You will get to know in a casual setting persons of your age of the opposite sex which may blossom into a date and later, romance.

2. Contact an internet dating service. Once you register, you post information about yourself and the kind of guy or girl you want to meet, and let it happen. You will post back and forth in more and more detail, and if everything clicks between the two of you on the inside, you might arrange a time to meet and check out each other's outsides. This is the reverse of the usual way of meeting the opposite sex, and you realize that a lot of people your age are insecure about entering the dating world and facing rejection. This way makes it a little easier. I have tried it, and it works.

 

I've met plenty of "quality" guys, just none that are straight, single, AND someone I could tolerate on a regular basis. I can't speak for others on here, but I never meant to be complaining about my situation. Oh, and I've done the whole internet dating thing--once in a lifetime is enough, thanks.

 

My daughter lived in San Francisco for a while, and had a hard time finding quality, straight, unmarried guys. Move to the 'burbs and join some clubs.

 

WHAT??!!

The SUBURBS??!!! uke: :ack:

No thanks either, I grew up there. They're terrible for the environment, they're destroying this country, they produce shallow, sheltered, fearful Americans and I'll be damned if I ever live in one volunatrily. (haha, sorry for the rant...touchy subject) Besides, I like being single.

 

tiburon, berkeley, sausalito, etc.

 

Try Tiburon, Sausalito, Berkeley, etc. Get out of downtown.

 

Berkeley, Sausalito, Tiburon - what is wrong with them?

 

I was about to suggest online dating sites. I know a lot of people who have had success that way. Having a computer or two between you and the other people tends to allow other personal barriers (like shyness) to come down. You do have to be very careful and it may take a couple times but there are good people out there.

Other than that, it's hard to say. In general people seem to be attracted to others who are more confident so those who are more introverted may lose out.

 

I think you need to work on yourself first before you start dating. Do stuff for yourself to bring your confidence up. Maybe go shopping for some new clothes, pamper yourself, get your nails done, your hair done etc.. anything to build your self confidence. Every girl needs to feel pretty and confident and once you feel confident guys will notice it and instead of you approaching them, they'll eventually aproach you. Some guys can be shy too so sometime you have to make the first move.

Don't worry about what other people are doing. There isnt a time limit on what you should or shouldnt have done yet. Do what feels right and do what feels natural and dont put so much pressure on yourself. Nobody has to know what you've done or havent done yet it's none of their business.

Being nervous and having butterflies is a good thing! It means you really like the person so before you ever go on a date talk to the guy first - over the phone or online and let him know that you are kinda nervous and shy at times and let him know that you havent been on many dates. If he knows before the date he wont think your not interested if you get quiet during. If he's a good guy he'll do anything to make you feel more comfortable.
But if he acts like a jerk the entire time then he isnt the right guy for you. Not every date is going to work out. You have to go through a lot of bad apples to find the right one. But some people get lucky and find the right one right away so ya never know.

There are plenty of places to meet guys. I've met guys everywhere - bars, through friends, malls, clubs, the gym, online, etc. I dont reccomend the bars though cause most people you meet there are drunk and yeah ..that isnt a good first meeting place lol. But if you're the real shy type then I suggest meeting someone online - maybe one of the dating sites? and make sure you get to know them really good first before you meet them in person. And I wouldnt suggest meeting someone from far away cause LD relationships are really difficult, but it's up to you!

Good luck!

 

i agree with the above post: work on youself, get confident in your own undeniable beauty and attractivness. if you feel that way, you will look that way to others. if you like to dress uniquely, do it. wear any confidence you have on the outside so people can notice it.
i like to meet people randomly by eye contact and smiling and encouraging them to talk to me. im not often brave enough to start a conversation unless i know the guy im eyeing is totaly interested.
i cant vouch for the internet method, but i know its worked for plenty of happy couples. im sure its much easier to talk to and meet people that way. it can be intense when you jump right into talking with an attractive person you just met lol.