You know you're from...(insert here)

lol george, i like the nc one

 

You know you're from zimbabwe when inflation is running at 1000% and people talk about life getting more bearable




Wait aren't these supposed to be humourous?

 

You Know You're From Alaska When...
"Vacation" means driving to Chitna to dip net

You measure distance in hours.

Down south to you means Anchorage.

You know several people who have hit a moose.

Your school classes aren't cancelled because of cold.

Your school classes were canceled because of ice.

You think of the major four food groups as moose, caribou, beer, and squaw candy.

You think that moose season is a national holiday.

You know what a real sockeye is, and have a recipe for candy ones.

You know if another Alaskan is from the city or the village as soon as they open their mouth.

You can spell words like Chatanika, Ninilchik, and Tuntutuliak.

You've had cabin fever.

You own moose nugget ear rings.

Mosquito dope is a part of your daily attire.

You think the song Breaking Up is Hard to Do is about spring time.

Travel luggage consists of ice coolers (or fish boxes) wrapped with duct tape.

A seven course meal is a sixpack and a can of SPAM.

When you answer the phone and it's a wrong number, but you know the number of the person they were trying to call off the top of your head.

You have bigger tires on your plane than on your car.

Someone mentions "super cub" and you do not envision a tiny bear wearing blue tights and a red cap.

Your relatives/friends think you live too far away for them to come visit you, but keep asking you to come see them more often.

October is the month of your highest income.

The reason you don't own a poodle is because an eagle ate the last one.

Kids catch the bus in the dark and get off it in the dark.

You know why they named it Chicken, Alaska.

You know that road flares will start a nice bon fire.

You take the door off the outhouse to see the aurora.

Your idea of taking a load off is emptying the firewood out of the back of the truck.

You know a tail-dragger is an airplane, not a bad day at the office.

You know that a Spenard Divorce involves a .357 magnum, not a lawyer.

You like your neighbors alot.

You have at least one neighbor who grows weed.

You put up with the pain of a toothache until the Permanent Fund Dividend checks come out in October or Herring season is over.

You know going "outside" involves a whole lot more than opening a door and walking into the yard.

You know Bunny Boots aren't worn by bunnies or made out of bunnies.

You know the meaning of the word "baleen" and it has nothing to do with making hay into large cubes.

You take off your shirt and your arms are as pale as your legs all the way to your wrists.

You don't know anyone who doesn't own a 4-wheeler.

You've washed your car while there was still snow on the ground.

You know a honey bucket is really a bucket, but it's not really full of honey.

You know that the Rat Net is not a rodent catching device.

You learned to swim indoors.

Your bedroom windows are covered in aluminum foil.

Your monthly veterinarian bill is more than your own medical bill.

You know a "white out" has to do with winter conditions not correcting fluid for typos.

You think it's normal for a town to put all the businesses on one side of the road.

Your local golf course has "happy hour" between 1:00 and 2:00 am

The seat in your outhouse is lined with styrofoam so your butt won't freeze to it when you have to sit down for a certain amount of time.

You've had to set your alarm every three hours to go start you car and let it run for 20 minutes so hopefully it will start in the morning so you can go to work.

Instead of plugging in your freezer, you've just move it to the front porch!

You open your freezer to take out something for dinner, and are faced with many choices, Pink Salmon, Silver Salmon, Red Salmon, King Salmon, Smoked Salmon, or Halibut!

You can play road hockey on skates.

You see signs saying Do or do NOT _____ but any law enforcement agencies do not ever seem to exist/apply.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Alaska.

 

We measure distance in hills here. AHahahahahahaha.

 

You know your from Pennsylvania when:



You only own three spices: salt, pepper, ketchup.

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.

You have an uncontrollable urge to buy bread and milk when you hear the word "snow."

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.

You owe more money on your snowmobile or John Deere than your car.

The first day of "Buck Season" and "Doe Season" is a school holiday.

The local paper covers National and International headlines on 1/4 page but requires six pages for sports.

School closings due to snow take the radio stations a half an hour to finish, because just about every town has its own school district.

When someone says 1972, you think "Agnes," and when someone says 1979, you think "TMI."

You think the start of deer hunting is a National Holiday.

You pronounce "Suite" as SUIT, not SWEET. As in Living Room Suite.

You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

You only buy your beer and soda by the case.

You know what a State Store is,
and your out of state friends find it incredulous
that you can't purchase liquor at the mini-mart.

You think the roads in any other state are smooth.

You find -20F "a little" chilly.

You ask the waitress for "dippy eggs" for breakfast.

You know the four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.

There are still places you can still stop along the road to buy fruits, vegetables, or crafts on the "honor system."

The municipality buys a Zamboni before a school bus.


You prefer Hershey's Chocolate to Godiva.

You consider Pittsburgh to be "out west," and you know the fastest way to Philly is the Turnpike.

You can give directions to Intercourse with a straight face.

You know the time and location of every "wing night" in a 20 mile radius.

Words like "hoagie", "chipped ham", and "pop" actually mean something to you.

You can use the phrase "fire-hall wedding reception" and not even bat an eye.

You know that Blue Ball, Intercourse, Bird-in-Hand, Mars, Venus, and Slippery Rock are all PA towns.

You know what a township, borough, and commonwealth is.

You can identify drivers from New York, New Jersey, Ohio, or other neighboring states by their unique and irritating driving habits.

A traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a horse-drawn carriage on the highway in Lancaster County.

You know several people who have hit deer more than once.

You carry jumper cables in your car and your female passengers know how to use them.

You still keep kitty litter, starting fluid, de-icer, or a snow brush in your trunk, even if you live in the South.

 

SHORT AND SOMEWHAT HUMOUROUS

know you live in scotland when

1. you've been shouted at of chased by a gang of "neds"
2. you've been asked to buy beer or fags for someone who has just been flung out of the place
3. most people you know hate the english (some of them anyway) and love the irish
4. you support one of two mainstream football teams eg. rangers or celtic
5. doing something illegal is a way of life
6. that a fun thing to do on a friday of saturday night for most young teens is getting wasted and not going home for the rest of the night
7. you've been challenged into a fight with the words "aye, cum on then, ya mad bam!! I'll tan yae!, i'll gae yae a square go!!"




LONG AND UNFUNNY

If you're Scottish...
You're familiar with Ewen MacGregor, Mel Gibson, Jim White, Oor Wullie, Dougie Donnelly, Billy Connolly, Archie McPherson, Grandpa Broon, Gavin Hastings, Robbie Coltraine, Rab C. Nesbitt, High Road, Bill Paterson, The Krankies, Robert Carlyle, and (if you're younger) Skoosh.
You know at least the basics of football (it's never called "soccer"), and probably rugby too. If you're male, you probably know the rules of football in great detail and can name the eleven players who should make up the national team; additionally, you can probably come up with convincing arguments why none of them should be (depending on your religion) Tims or Huns. You prefer not to remember Costa Rica in 1990, or Peru or Iran in 1978, although you reminisce fondly about Archie Gemmill's goal against Holland.
American football is still something of a novelty which you can see at strange times of the day, and cricket is for Sassenachs (except in Freuchie). Shinty, by contrast, is a genuine Scottish sport popular in the Highlands, and you may have played it at school.
You are probably allowed four or five weeks of holiday a year, and your boss is equally probably allowed to ask you not to take it all.
You consider a few hours of sunshine to be an event worthy of note or even celebration. You cheerfully put up with cold and wet weather which would frighten most people from warmer climes.
It snows every winter, yet nobody in positions of authority ever seems to expect it, and there is consequently some disruption to essential services.
If you died tonight...
You probably believe in God, and if so are probably a Catholic, Protestant or Wee Free; although you probably don't go to church very often. You're very careful about religion in parts of the West Coast.
You think of McDonald's, Burger King, KFC, Chinese takeaways and so on as cheap food, but a perfectly acceptable excuse for not cooking.
You probably own at least one telephone and at least one TV, often as a combined deal with a cable or satellite company. Your place is heated in the winter and has its own bathroom, which has a bath or shower and certainly a toilet. You do your washing in a machine or the local launderette. You don't have a dirt floor. You probably eat at a table, sitting on chairs; if not, you eat on chairs in front of the TV.
You don't consider insects, dogs, cats, monkeys, horses, or guinea pigs to be food, and you certainly don't kill your own food.
The proliferation of utility and transport companies is confusing, since they all promise to offer the best and cheapest services, yet nothing actually seems better than the simpler times before everything was deregulated.
You expect, as a matter of course, that the phones will work. Getting a new phone is routine, but expensive if you're with BT.
The train system is a joke, unless you live in Glasgow; you prefer to travel in your car, even if you have to sit in traffic jams for longer than the duration of the equivalent train journey.
You are used to two large political parties (Labour and the Tories), two small ones (SNP and the LibDems), and some tiny ones (including the Greens and the SSP) but the main battle is between Labour and the SNP. You probably think that the SNP speaks best for Scotland and are unlikely to take the Tories seriously, especially since the poll tax debacle. This system is much better than, for example, the American system, which consists of two identical parties.
You probably voted "Yes, Yes" in the Referendum, but like to complain about the results as though it were all someone else's fault which you had no part in.
Socialism is a fine and noble political theory with a long Scottish tradition, although since John Smith died the only proper socialist party is now Tommy Sheridan's SSP. Communism is taking it a bit far though.
If you're male and urban, you sometimes wear the kilt in public, and you may have worn it at your wedding.
Most people are white, although they can also be yellow, brown or black. It doesn't really matter most of the time anyway, since you're familiar with people of Asian extraction from your local newsagent or corner shop.
You think most problems could be solved if only people would put aside their prejudices and work together.
You would like to think of the legal system as strong and just, but know that it often isn't. You know that if you went into business and had problems with a customer, partner, or supplier, you could take them to court.
As of Wed-enz-dy the sityeeation was guid
You rarely need to bother with foreign languages, but were probably taught a bit of French or German in school. If you have the Gaelic, it's for nationalistic reasons if you don't come from the Hebrides, or for practical reasons if you do.
Words like "both", "home" and "stone" are pronounced "baith", "hame" and "stane", despite the spelling. "Wednesday" has three syllables, and "food" rhymes with "good"; the second syllable of "situation" is "yee", not "yoo". "House" is pronounced "hoose".
A stream is a "burn", a valley is a "glen", and to "greet" does not mean to welcome. You refer to the Scottish weather as "dreich", and get annoyed at people (especially Sassenachs) who can't say "loch" properly.
You probably believe that higher taxes are necessary to fund better public services, but aren't too keen to actually pay them.
School is free up to P7, although the better-off prefer to send their children to public schools; from there on you expect to have to pay to get a decent education. If you stay on beyond S4, you expect do Highers in S5 and normally CSYS in S6 before going on to University.
University degrees are four years long, except for longer courses like medicine and dentistry.
Mustard comes in jars or yellow tin boxes, and sometimes in stone pots. Milk comes in plastic bottles or in cardboard cartons decorated with black-and-white abstract cow-like designs, and the lettering is colour-coded so that you know how much fat is inside.
The month comes second: 24/6/1314 and 12/9/1997. (And you know what happened on those dates.)
The decimal point is a dot, certainly not a comma.
A billion is either a thousand times or a million times a million - you're not sure which.
The "second city of the Empire" was Glasgow, not Birmingham or anywhere else in England.
You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. Many marriages happen in church, some in registry offices. You have a best man and a maid or matron of honor at the wedding-- a friend or a sibling. And, naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time.
If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual.
Once you're introduced to someone, you can usually call them by their first name.
If you're a woman, you might go to the beach topless on holiday, but never at home.
A hotel room has a private bath if you pay extra for it.
You'd rather a film be subtitled than dubbed (if you go to foreign films at all).
You seriously expect to be able to transact business, or deal with the government, without paying bribes, although your competitors seem to get away with it sometimes.
If a politican has been cheating on his wife, you would question his ability to govern.
Many stores will take one or more of your credit cards.
A company can fire just about anybody it wants. You'd prefer if it were otherwise, since you probably know several people who've been made redundant my large multinationals who take advantage of the fact that Britain's employment laws are laxer than those in Europe.
Labour Day, spelt correctly with the "u", is on the first of May.
Mel Gibson was Scottish?
You've probably seen Braveheart and Trainspotting, and maybe Local Hero, Gregory's Girl, and that one about the two teenage boys who rob coaches from a motorbike (update: it was called Restless Natives). Most of the films you've seen have been American.
You know some or all of The Corries, Andy Stewart, Lulu, Alex Harvey, RunRig, Simple Minds, Big Country, Dougie MacLean, Wet Wet Wet, Deacon Blue, Del Amitri, Goodbye Mr. Mackenzie, and Travis. You probably don't want to admit to knowing where "fandabidozi" originally came from.
You can only expect good medical treatment if you can afford to go private, otherwise you usually have to wait ages for trivial operations.
The history you were taught in school consisted of, in decreasing proportions, Scottish, British and European.
You expect the army to fight wars, not get involved in politics.
Damn French never came through for us
Your country has never been conquered by a foreign nation, but it's been ruled by one particular one for long periods of time...
You're used to a wide variety of choices for most things you'd want to buy.
There are five terrestrial TV channels, three of which have some special Scottish programmes.
You measure things in feet, pounds, and gallons if you're over a certain age; otherwise you're likely to use metric. You measure distances to nearby towns in miles.
Comics come in three varieties: cartoon strips such as the inimitable Oor Wullie in the Sunday Post; cheaply printed children's publications like The Beano, and glossy hardbound albums (mostly American imports) like Batman.
The people who appear on the most popular talk shows are usually entertainers or politicians, and occasionally authors or film stars with a new book or film to plug.
You drive on the left side of the road. You stop at red lights even if nobody's around, and often have to stop at green lights too. If you're a pedestrian and cars are stopped at a red light, you will fearlessly cross the street in front of them - except in Glasgow, when the colour of the lights is of no importance.
You have some good friends who are English, and have gone there a few times on holiday, but in general you'd rather England were a friendly neighbour than a domineering landlord. You think the English attitude to Europe is a long-out-of-date relic of the days of Empire.
You consider the Volkswagen Beetle to be a small car.
The police are not armed.
If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't make much difference either way to her looks.
The biggest meal of the day is in the evening, usually at or not long after five pm if you're at school, and a bit later if you work.
The nationality people most often make jokes about is the English. You probably don't make jokes about the Irish - only the English do that.
There's parts of the city you'd certainly never go at night unless you have a trusted local with you.
Griping about Holyrood before it's rebuilt
You feel that your kind of people aren't being listened to enough in Westminster-- or Holyrood.
You wouldn't expect both inflation and unemployment to be very high (say, over 15%) at the same time.
The family someone comes from, and in Edinburgh the school they went to, matters a lot in some circumstances, although you feel it shouldn't.
You think of opera and ballet as elite entertainments. It's likely you don't see that many plays, either.
Christmas is in the winter. You spend it with your family, give presents, put up a tree, and wonder why it almost never actually snows.
You might be able to name the capitals or the leaders of some of the nations of Europe, but probably not all.
You've left a message at the beep, or voicemail.
Taxis are probably too expensive, but they get you there quicker than trains.
You probably believe in welfare and unemployment payments to those who can't live without. You probably also believe that too many people get them who could very well do without.
If you want to be a doctor, you need to get a bachelor's first.
Buying a house is safer than in England, since gazumping isn't done here; but you have to pay for several surveys.
There sure are a lot of lawyers

 

whoah chris

 

t'fuck you sayin pal? cum on then, ya mad bam!! I'll tan yae!, i'll gae yae a square go!!"

 

Haha.... I love when y'all UK folks pop up here.

 

and dont you forget it :$

 

In bed.

 

um, yes?

 

since i consider myself from both:

You Know You're From San Diego When...
You'd driven from East County San Diego to a mall somewhere in North County because of one particular store you like.

You have a 12 month pass to the San Diego Zoo, San Diego Wild Animal Park, and Sea World.

You lost your virginity or first drank in TJ.

You're enjoying 80� weather at the end of February while those up north complain about 12 inches of snow.

The people at the local smoothie bar know you by name.

Your birth certificate indicates that you were born in Kaiser Hospital off of Zion Ave.

You can't leave the Del Mar Fair each summer without a plateful of Australian battered potatoes, a funnel cake, and other junk food.

Your tan lines never go away. (or in my case it was my sun burn, not tan..)




You Know You're From the Bay Area When...
You get the same off-color email joke from 17 people in the same hour, and one of them is your wife.

Your "personal shopper" has become engaged to your "career coach".

You know that "taking the Nerd Bird" means you're flying to L.A ... for the 3rd time in a week.

You have a daughter named Meg and a son named URL.

You bought stock in Starbucks just for the free chocolate-covered coffee beans.

You recently built your children their first "tilt-up" concrete playhouse.

Almost all of the companies featured on your resume are no longer in business.

You make $120,000 a year, yet still can't find a place to live.

Your commute time is 45 minutes and you live 8 miles away.

You live an hour or more from the office so that you can afford a larger house.

You spend more time in your office and car than in your house.

You stop asking how much things cost, but instead ask "how long will it take?"

Two-thirds of the people you know are from Boston or New York, but you are living in PST.

You know vast differences difference between Thai, Vietnemese, Chinese, Japanese, Cantonese, and Korean food.

Your home computer contains mostly hardware/software that is not on the consumer market yet.

You go to "The City" on weekends but don't live there because you like your car.

You think that "I'm going to Fry's" is an acceptable excuse to leave the office for a while, and your boss does too.

You lost your alarm clock, but you'll get to work when you get there.

You go to an industrial-heavy-metal bar and see two guys get into a fight over what flavor of Unix is better.

You own more than 10 articles of clothing that have hardware/software companies printed on them. Bonus for embroidered stuff.

You know where Woz Way, Resistor Avenue, and Floppy Drive are located.

You know who and where Woz is.

You know that 280 North goes west and that 680 North goes east.

It rained ... and your birdbath fell over ... or your tree fell over ... or a utility pole fell over.

It rained ... and the spiders came in ... and the ants came in ... and the mice came in.

You realize that even though Microsoft employs quite a few programmers in the Bay Area, they only work on PowerPoint.

You see a billboard that says "FPG2ASIC" and understand what it means.

You can get the updated Diamond Monster 3D drivers by just walking across the street.

The phone company installed fiber-optic cable to your home but they can't afford to light it up.

You have more bandwidth inside your home than there is in most major universities.

Your wireless LAN is interfering with your wireless phone and your home automation system.

None of the people you work with are bible thumpers.

You get email from a co-worker at 10:00PM ... and you are both still in the office.

You scan yardsales for back issues of "Dr. Dobbs."

Your favorite computer reseller speaks only Cantonese.

Your workplace vending machines dispense "100% natural twig-bars" right next to Jolt cola and Instant Espresso mix.

No one brings radios to work because they listen to RealAudio.

There are more than six Z3s parked at your office during weekdays.

The Z3s are gradually turning into SUVs.


You Know You're From California When...
The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.

You were born somewhere else. (not true... and you're not from california if you werent raised there.. arg... tourists who move cause its "california oh wow" annoy me)

You know how to eat an artichoke.

The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic.

Your car has bullet-proof windows.

Left is right and right is wrong.

Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.

You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it.

You drive to your neighborhood block party.

Your family tree contains "significant others."

You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them.

You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.

More than clothes come out of the closets.

You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.

More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.

Smoking in your office is not optional.

You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.

When you can't schedule a meeting because you must "do lunch."

Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks.

Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news.

You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hot tub repairman.

You consult your horoscope before planning your day.

A glass has been reserved for you at your favorite winery.

All highways into the state say: "no fruits."

All highways out of the state say: "Go back."

The Terminator is your governor

You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH"

(though a lot of the california ones are either just nor cal or just so cal)

 

Damn that PA one was all too true!:cheers:

 

You know that Blue Ball, Intercourse, Bird-in-Hand, Mars, Venus, and Slippery Rock are all PA towns.


that one is my favorite because I had to read it a few times to realise why someone would find it odd to be able to give directions to those places.. Ive given directions to INtercourse lord knows how manytimes...

and the fire hall wedding reception made me laugh because we were thinking about the fire hall for our wedding recpetion and I was like goooodddd good thing we're just having an outdoor wedding

 

Slippery Rock is where I go to college,lol.