Hi Folks! I'm married for 4 years now, I'm with my wife for almost 5 and Half years. We have two beautiful kids ages 4yrs(girl) and 1yrs(boy). Things were all good and perfect in our relationship until a few months ago, when she told me she was keeping in contact with her ex-boyfriend right up until our girl was born. My girl was almost two years into our relationship and my wife always denied communication with her ex. Now I don’t care that she spoke to him, she insists its just phonecalls, but I think its more than just phonecalls. I'm all so paranoid now, I'm sad and highly depressed and feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life by marrying her. Don’t get me wrong, my kids mean the world to me, but I've given up on love, I feel all alone in this world and cant stand the sight of my wife. We still live together, she has no idea I feel this way, but everyday I feel Like I made a mistake. I cant find it in my heart to forgive her and I cant let my guard down. Please help!
What was her motivation for telling you that? To ease her guilt? It is hard to overcome trust issues in a relationship. Just remember that lying to her now about your feelings is not any better. It sounds like you guys are not communicating much. If you truly always feel that you made a mistake marrying her then you might as well figure the split out now. If you are looking for her faults then yes you will find them. This will just lead to misery for you both. If its worth working on then you have to put it behind you and throw your heart back out there. Sometimes gain doesn't come without risk.
There's a reason why she told you. At least you did not find it out without her being the one to come to you first. Either she was feeling guilty or thought she should get it off of her chest so that she did not feel like she was keeping anything from you. I know you have feelings of distrust right now but if you can try and talk to her and find out why she told you. Not talking will make it worse for both of you.
i asked her and she reluctantly told me. We were courting then, it was a saturday night around 11pm(we didnt speak the whole day) when i called her, we spoke for 5mins, then she told me she got an incoming call. I tried calling after five mins but each time she rejected the call, when I asked her why she rejected the call she says "her battery died". She did this for abt another 10 or so times and then the fone went to answering machine! A few months ago, I was watching a movie and a scene triggered memory of that incident and I insisted there and then who she was on the line with. I asked why and she says they were trying to sort out their shit cos they been through so much in the past. BTW they were discussing all this almost 14months into my relationship(at that time)... should i leave it the way it is and just pretend that alls good. or should i bring it up?? If i knew about this then i wouldnt have proceeded with the marraige....why marry someone who has feelings for their ex... I hate her and I dont wanna be with her. But also i love my kids and dont wanna be seperated from them.
Sounds like you are taking a first step towards healing the breach - talking about it. You are married and have kids. If it doesn't get better - try couples therapy. It usually works this way - you meet together with the therapist, then seperately, then together, then possibly repeat the process a week or two later. What is does is open up lines of communication between the two of you which have been shut off.
