conflicted! mom's good intentions

my mother has a habit of buying things for me that are not vegan, but the problem is her intentions are so good! she is fairly open-minded, and although she herself has not completely stopped eating meat, she prepares meatless dinners most nights for me and my brother. she just occasionally slips up and buys something that has milk protein or animal-derived something or other or i'll come in the door and shell have a nice dinner ready and i'll realize she used a pasta sauce with milk in it. and shes genuinely apologetic, shes just not in the mindset of a vegan so she slips up occasionally. im in a hard place though, i dont know whether to just compromise and eat the small ammount of animal products when it happens (maybe every few weeks) or to stick to my beliefs and hurt her feelings and waste food in the proccess. i wouldnt feel so conflicted if she was just like, i dont really care what you think and did it on purpose, but she really does try..today i came home and she had bought me some really nice herbal conditioner for my hair, something organic and all nautral, smells delicious, but it has honey in it. the stuff probably cost like twelve dollars or something. i have sat and talked to her and said mom please dont buy anything with animal products in it for me, i dont want anything that comes from animals in anyway, written lists of things to look for and hidden animal ingerdients, but thats really a lot to ask of her, and she does really well over-all but shes human. i try and go shopping with her when i can, but that doesnt always work out she likes to stop on her way home from work usually. haha sorry for the rant, had to spill that all to some people who may understand.

 

yea we do cook together when were both home, and i try to go shopping with her when i can, but like i said she typically goes to the store on her way home from work just because its is much easier geographically where we live. she tries, and she has a pretty good understanding of what i wont eat and what to look for, but i think she just slips up because its a lot to remember entirely for someone else. it doesn't happen all that often, maybe every few weeks. its just a hard thing to deal with, because i know it hurts her feelings or discourages her when she things shes got it and done something nice for me (which she has) and i say "this isnt vegan mom" i think ill just tell her that i cant compromise on my beliefs anymore and i think if its presented to her clearly outside of a specific incident shell understand. it's definitley hard to live completely vegan here (or anywhere) especially being the sole vegan in the house. i know ive eaten milk a handful of times since attempting to transition to vegan, ive stayed away from eggs completely though.

 

My general opinion about the food is that your mom is really trying. What I do in this situation when the food is already cooked (and this only involves trace dairy or egg ingredients like Casein, whey, albumin, not if there is pork fat or chicken broth or large amounts of dairy or egg) is to go ahead and eat whatever was prepared, but gently tell my mom that the product she purchased is not actually Vegan. Then tell her what the alternative product is that she could buy for the same purpose that actually is Vegan.

For instance, year before last, my mom decided to make the spinach dip she makes for Christmas Vegan. She went out and bought Better than Sour Cream & Vegenaise. Unfortunately, the veggie dip mix from Knorr that she uses contains whey. When I noticed this, I gently and privately let her know that the mix was not Vegan and that Fantastic foods makes a comparable dip mix that is Vegan. But I also told her that it really wasn't that big of a deal and that I really appreciated the effort. And I not only ate the dip but raved about it to my omni family who had to admit that they could not tell the difference between the "Vegan" dip and the non-Vegan dip that my mom used to make.

Last year, mom made the dip Vegan again, and she used the Vegan dip mix that I suggested. Everyone munched it right down, having no idea that it was any more Vegan than the year before.

If your mom brings home a product that is not Vegan, like the conditioner or some food product that she has not already cooked, you might want to just take those products back to the store and exchange them for their Vegan equivalents. Again, gently tell your mom why you are doing it and what the replacement is.

 

your mum sounds lovely and all the above suggestions all sound like really nice non confrontational ways to deal with slip ups that someone who isn't even vegan is making. She rocks and give her a hug from me!

 

^^ will do. she does rock!

 

Sorry I'm just getting to this now.

Your mom sounds so sweet Honestly, unless it's a food that would make you physically ill I think I'd "bend" just a teensy bit with your mom... but do point out what a truly vegan option would have been so she knows. And shopping with her sounds like a great idea too.

This is exactly why I can't say I'm vegan yet... when I visit my mom, she'll cook something with a little cheese on top or a cake with eggs in it. She's trying, she just really doesn't quite get it. So I bend just a little for her.
love,
mom