Hoe to keep a guy?

I need advices from experienced woman about relationships. I've been with my bf for a year and 2 months now, and right now we're kinda on a break. We didn't had any big fight or something, we just decided that we need some space, to let things cool off.

So what i need are some tips how to keep a guy, how to react when he is mad, how to calm him, how to make him jelaus in the right mesure, how to make him crazy about me?

 

Keep a man, like a pet in a cage? Well, unless he's into D/s stuff... :tongue:

Realistically, you cannot force someone to stay with you. And would you want to be with someone who didn't want you behaving as who you are, do you really want to have to act as someone else to keep this man?

Be appreciative of him. Treat him with respect. But also demand respect in turn. Communicate with him. Be willing to listen. Don't play childish games like intentionally invoking jealousy, treat him with love and respect and you will get it back in return. If you don't then he's not worth being around.

 

Where are you in all this? Is keeping him the sole purpose of the relationship for you?

 

why would you want to be with someone you had to keep......he should WANT to stay

 

Listen I know about bad relationships and I know how it feels like you have to do whatever it takes to keep him. but the more you focus on his feelings, his moods, him him him you will lose more and more of yourself. And you need to know you are good enough with out him. You are beautiful and special and wonderful and you can stand up on your own without having to change for him. You cannot "keep" a man. the only person you can truly keep is yourself. don't give yourself away for any man. You are great and you deserve to live your life focused on YOU. find the love that lives in your heart and let it shine on you.

 

i think i was misunderstood,

i don't want to keep him, like in a cage or something

and we have a good comunucation, understanding and all that stuff

but what i'm asking from you are that little games that couples play in order to make the relationship more interesting
you know, like how to let him think he is in charge of the situation, but he is really not , stuff like that

 

i think i know what ya mean.
do ya mean, like, with with it being over a year, you's have lost that 'freshness" of a new relationship. and you wana rekindle it??
...anyway. i dont have a clue. lol. sorry. if i did, then i wouldnt be harrassing you guys about my ex...lmao. but aye. sorry i dont have any input. if i do, i'll for sure drop ya a line.
even though you wanted just 'experianced females'...lmao.
take it easy =)

 

If you're looking for games to play to keep things interesting, you might be better off looking in the Real Kinky forum .

Emotional games, which is what I think you're talking about, are horribly unhealthy and not recommended. Games like intentionally making him "jealous in the right measure" are nothing more than emotional manipulation... You may be able to callously manipulate him into doing what you want that way, but that is not the way to maintain a healthy relationship. These games are pretty much a sure-fired way to chase away any guy worth keeping.

If you want a healthy relationship, one that will last, you need to focus on open, honest communication. When he is upset, calm him by talking through the issue -- yelling AT one another is not productive, you need to talk WITH one another.

As Ihmurria said, treat him with respect while demanding respect in return. Any guy worth keeping around will want a woman to be his equal -- not a doormat that will let him disrespect her but also not some manipulative person disrespecting him.

 

I wouldn't keep a guy who needed a break or space but I am guilty in making people who take a relationship for granted turn into crazy people who call a million times a night. I guarentee you every girl who has landed a DECENT husband has played games so anyone who tells you it's wrong is naive and in the dark.

I suggest you get this book called 'The Rules' it teaches you not only how to make your actions more appealing but to know when it is time to let a relationship go. The hard part I have foun is that when you do let the relationship go the guy turns crazy if you let a bad relationship go on too long. I've learned it's best to end it when you see signs (like him saying he needs space).
Just some well known things that all decent girls should do:
-Don't ever call him unless he has called you first and even then be selective about taking his calls.
-Time yourself on the phone. If he seems like the sort to be fickle keep it to 10 minutes and just say you have to go and that you hope he has a great day. Don't give an explanation of what you have to do.-It doesn't matter the point you are trying to get across is that your life independently is more important than your life with him.
-Do not ever accept a date for the coming weekend after Wednesday. Make your own plans-whether it's doing laundry or hanging out with your girls. You made plans and he didn't care to make sure he was scheduled in. Just tell him-"I would love to but I have plans. I hope we are both free and can hang out soon though" . Then stop talking and leave it up to him. Eventually he will get the hint that he needs to treat you like somone who does have other interests and ask you out before anyone else does.
-Be really close with your girlfriends. Not only does it let him know that you have other interests and people but it shows your girls that you care about them more than a boy.
-I got in a long relationship when I had depression. Prior to the relationship starting I stopped talking to my friends and isolated myself. The person I was with assumed I had nothing going on but him and took advatage of that big time. I turned it around in a month after he started screwing with me to the point where he was literally crying on the phone because I no longer had enough time to talk with him.
Don't let a guy jerk you around EVER.
-When he does good things reward him in a coy and girly way. As much as guys say they can't stand it they love it when we act flirty and ditzy.
-Praise him up the ass and boost his ego like no one else does or can. Guys like to feel powerful and they act better when they feel needed so praise his hobbies, interests, line of work whatever. It may bore you to death but don't let him know that.

I hope it goes well with you and that you can turn the tables around. If you can't move on and date somone else. Don't formally break up with your current boyfriend first though. Because after all if he is not calling you that's not a relationship and you don't owe him a damn thing. At least leave him wanting you if you're going to leave him.

Seeing a guy who's done something wrong want you back is the most awesome feeling, especailly when you no longer want anything to do with them. They'll always be setteling for second best after you because you put it in their mind that you are unattainable. Guys love that even if they don't know it. It's the whole hunter instinct thing.

 

Sweetheart, this comment is simply rude and uncalled for, and makes you look naive and in the dark.

Are you trying to call me a liar or are you trying to insult my fiance?

Everyone I have known who has played games to get a man wound up with a pitifully dysfunctional mess (manipulation, even if it is mutual, is not healthy). Everyone I have known who is in a healthy relationship got there without games.

But, then, perhaps you and I are defining "decent" differently.

 

I'm going to have to agree with dawn sky and say to Bella Desordre that I cannot in good conscious agree with the majority of that advice. I would immediately lose interest in anyone who did that kind of thing to me.

 

I think that a lot of the Rules are archaic (yes I've read it) but fundamentally they're just about respect. About being treated with respect. A lot of guys these days simply aren't taught respect or manners and if you feel like just coming out and telling him will make you feel like his mother instead of his date, some subtler communication methods may be in order. Not to play games or tease him, but to find a subtler, gentler way of letting him know what is and isn't acceptable.

In all honesty some of them do make sense though, ie stay close to your girlfriends, make plans if your partner hasn't by a certain time (in new relationships at least) so that it doesn't seem like you're waiting with bated breath for him to ask you out. Changing the conversation topic if it's more than 10minutes of something you don't give a shit about (or alternatively, saying you have to go if the topic cannot be changed)...

 

hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...i do not even know you.... pleaseeeeeeeee ohhhh the drama...
you hate women like me because you know you could never in a million years get away with what I can.
naive, me?-hardly

 

I dunno, some of those rules might help women who have a tendency to be clingy to set some internal boundaries. I mean the ones about not calling too much, not making ones life revolve around a man essentially. If you seem like you will focus on him to the point of devotion you will attract the kind of abusive son of a bitch who relishes that kind of devotion. you will become his dog,his slave, not his equal. I think establishing internal boundaries is healthy, but if you are doing this as a trick it's not really cool. people who play games don't end up in an equal and loving relationship, and they probably don't really want to. They just want to win at their games. I suppose it beats losing, but I doubt it makes them much of a partner.

 

and maybe you should change that spelling error in the original subject line, it is unintentionally hilarious.

 

only mods can change thread titles, insofar as I'm aware.

 

That confirms that you and I are talking about completely different versions of "decent".

Decent to me involves a mutually loving, mutually respectful relationship. "Getting away" with anything does not come into the picture.

And, for the record, I don't hate girls like you. I pity them. However, I do highly dislike rude little girls who feel the need to insult me ("anyone who tells you it's wrong is naive and in the dark"), simply because you've failed to learn how to establish a relationship without having to manipulate someone into it.

Pretty much sums it up. And someone who is not much of a partner will fail to keep any man that is anywhere near what I would call decent.

When you approach it as a guidebook to help you establish healthy expectations, that's fine.
When you approach it as a hard-and-fast set of RULES that help you MAKE men fawn all over you, then it falls back into juvenile game-playing and a new means of assinine manipulation.

 

Maybe I didn't emphasize enough that I have only played games with guys who started them first. I would never in a million years start mind fucking somone who didn't have any ill intentions or power trips. I am very honest about my feelings with people who do not underestimate my worth as a human being.

I have had some wonderful relationships and great friendships with really nice and mentally stable guys.

But... when I do know that somone is assuming I am naive or that they are taking me for granted they need to watch their back because they have no idea what's in store for them. As I said in my post I am old enough now to end things as soon as the games start but in the past I was not that smart and I ended up really dragging some guys through the mud.

 

someone cares a little too much about what others say on an internet forum...and I think that person is you.

 

Bella, I seem to have read in previous threads that you are yourself in a bind in your relationship with men? Maybe the book is why. Get another one.

Your manipulative philosophy disgusts me and explains a lot about why you're having the problems you're having.

That being said, I still remain compassionate and hopeful that one day you'll understand "getting away" with stuff is infinitely less fulfilling than an honest relationship and complete mutuality.

In healthy relationships you don't have to trick guys into doing what's good or pleasurable for you, because they'll want to do it of their own accord.