My boyfriend and I dated for about 4 years. We started when we were really young, but things somehow lasted up until december. He broke up with me, saying he still loved me, but didn't want to be in a relationship at that time. I knew he had been into drugs. And lying to me about it. I would find things and ask him, and he would flip out demanding to know why I didn't trust him... Even when there were lines of coke on his dresser... Now, things are ... weird between us. He's changed a LOT and I think the drugs have a lot to do with it. We hang out about once a week, but everytime we do all he wants is to cuddle around and try and have sex and then gets mad at me for something. Yesterday I went to his place, because he had told me he was going clean and I figured maybe without the drugs he'd be who he used to be... But, in his room I saw a pile of K on his dresser, a bag of what I think was coke, a bong, two packs of ciggarettes (I didn't even know he smoked), beer bottles everywhere, and bloody kleenex all over the place. When I asked him about it, cuz I thought he was going clean, he yelled at me, saying he didn't have to explain himself to me and so what if he lied to me, I wasn't his girlfriend anymore. I didn't want to piss him off, because he scares me when he's like that, so I said I was sorry for prying and I went out and smoked a couple bowls and came back and we watched tv, and he was a sweetheart saying he didn't know how to tell me and that he was sorry... and I fell for it and we ended up having sex. I don't know what to do in this situation... I need some advice... or input, anything really. It's not really the drugs that I have a problem with, I smoke pot and I've done other stuff, just not nearly as much or often as he does... It's just the lying that bothers me. And the fact that he can be so two-faced. I don't know what to do. I love him so much, and when we're just cuddling on his bed I can tell he still has feelings for me... I need help.
Not to be a bitch, but the fact that you need to ask what to do about this situation makes me want to smack your parents for not instilling the self-worth in you that you deserve. Lying, no matter what it is about, is not acceptable in a relationship. How can you ever trust him? What else has he lied about? Yeah, it happens and people work through it. My fiance and I went through a problem with him lying about something far less serious than drugs, but when I would ask him, he would admit it, we'd talk through it, and work toward a solution. If he had responded like: He would have been to the curb in a heartbeat. HUGE BIG RED FLAG, reason number two to get the fuck away from him and stay the fuck away from him. Did your parents really never teach you to avoid people who scare you? His behavior is not acceptable in any sense of the word, and you should value yourself to put yourself above being treated that way. You know that was stupid, right? I agree -- you need help in the form of a restraining order. Unless he chooses to check himself into rehab, then start seeing a counsellor for his anger issues and to deal with all of the issues that are causing him to abuse drugs now, whatever feelings he has for you are irrelevant. He loves the drugs more than he loves you. If he truly loved you, he would not want to hurt you this way.
hey baby, the reason why he flipped out was because he didn't have drugs in his system, then when you went out for a wee smoke he probably used something so that's why he was nice to you and you ended up sleeping with him...oooops, what if next time he really fuckin hurts you because he cant get any?? please leve him before something real bad happens you seem like a very nice girl who doesn't deserve to be treeted this way!!! you deserve so much better, you know you do! {{{hugs}}} l xxx pm me if you ever wan talk i'm a good listener s
So the drugs are more important to him then you, he has anger problems but he can be nice now and again when he wants sex. This should not be a hard decision to make.
Thanks everyone. I know I'm stupid, I guess I just need to be told it once in a while. I guess my thinking was that our love was so strong and maybe all he needs was time and i felt like just giving up would be wrong.... but maybe that's what i need to do now.
your 'love' is only as strong as you guys make it if he doesn't want to do his part, it will never work out and frankly, using you for sex like that doesn't seem to show much sincerity in his feelings for you
You are so young, you have your whole life ahead of you. Cut ties with this loser and move on, you deserve better!!
He wouldn't be going as far as he is with the drugs or treating other people (you in particular) like shit if he didn't have some serious issues to deal with on his own. Nobody can help him until he realizes it and seeks out help. Maybe having you walk away from him will be the smack in the face that he needs to realize how badly he's fucking up. It doesn't sound like it though -- it sounds like things are going to have to get a lot worse before he will wake up. Don't let him drag you through that -- it will only give him more reason to hate himself, thereby perpetuating the cycle of self-destruction. And you're not stupid -- nobody should ever say that about themselves. Letting him get into your pants was a stupid thing to do, but everyone does stupid things from time to time. I do agree with Duck about him using you for sex -- it really does appear as though the love is all from you, not mutual. That doesn't mean you're not worthy or anything... It sounds like he is really hating himself right now, which gets in the way of one's ability to love anyone else.
