so me and my mom have been arguing for the past six months off and on. i'm 20yrs. old and i feel like i need to start making decisions on my own without having someone ok them for me all the time. my mom is allll about work/education. she tells me that when she came over here from cape verde she spoke no english and had to learn and got above average grades and recieved scholarships and grants. unlike her i was not a total above average student. i did recieve a couple of A's in high school...more B's...two/three C's. even though she was a single parent i did not win any scholarships or grants...just work-study and a loan. i went my first year of college. just took liberal arts courses and passed the classes with average grades. this year i went down the drain. i failed all my courses. simply because i am not driven enough. i feel like i'm still in high school. i still have to do family things and i just feel completely STUCK. i've told my mom that i need to move away. grow up a little. figure out what i want to go for in school because not knowing just makes me feel like im wasting time/money. so i've decided to move in an apartment with my boyfriend [and work full-time for one semester, while he finishes up getting his bach degree, then depending on what happens after i might apply to a college there or somewhere else] who i've been with for three months. i KNOW that's a little fast to move in with someone. but right now it would be more like im his uhhh roomate...i do have my dads...where i could go but i really want to experience not living with a parent. i'm pretty sure this relationship is going to last...a pretty long time. not sure if its a forever thing but for now thats how i'd like to see it. i've been really bad with relationships because of this...knowing things end..makes me not even want to start anything. some of my friends say i should take the risk and just move in and see how things gooo. some are fighting for me to stay at my moms where i will be treated like a teenager. i've ran my thought of fearing to move in with my bf because i dont know how things are going to procceed. and he said he knows what i mean, its hard to predict... i'd just like to hear some opinions on this whole situation... my moms giving me one week to move out/go to counciling.
If you feel that you need to move out, do so. Honestly though, I wouldn't move in with your boyfriend. Girlfriends, classmates, co-workers maybe, but not the boyfriend. Especially not after only 3 months. If you guys break up or something and Mom doesn't let you move back in, you'll be fucked.
You are too old to be treated like a child, however it doesn't seem like you have your priorities straight. I see why your mother worries and treats you like you are younger. At your age you should at least be heading in a direction. Do not move in with ANYONE you have known for 3 months. My advice would be to quit being so dramatic and be glad you have someone trying to push you, many people don't. Try and complete your education, now is easier then later, trust me. If you think this feels like being stuck wait until you have been married 10 years and going to the same job day after day.
I agree with, Haid. I think you're being too hasty and not considering all of your options. Since you're so unsure about things I think you should stay living with your mother for a little while longer. Since you've already started college, I think it would be a good idea to get it out of the way when you're still living with your mother. I think when you're young is the best time. In the future you'll have more bills, more responsibilities, and then there's always the unknown..(pregnancy, sick family, etc.) If you're not ready to go back to school, why not get a full-time job anyways and save up as much as you can? Or what about a studio apartment? After all, if you move in with your boyfriend you won't be experiencing total independence. I don't know what either of you are like, but living with him might turn into a child-parent relationship. That's what happens often with young people. One ends up taking care of the other, being the authority, etc.
well my plan is to get a full-time job. i finally told my mom and she's actually ok with it. she does want me to continue with school so i'm going to see if i can transfer to a school thats closer in the area. she says if theres anything i need to ask her. of course i'm going to try things out on my own...see if i can handle things on my own. but she says i should do this...see if i get out of the shlump im in. i'm sure we're not going to turn into a child-parent relationship. we have no authority over each other.
You are creating the slump. These are the least demanding years of your life and you are whining. You can do this but I bet you wished you hadn't very soon. Oh well, it will force you to grow up some anyway. Good luck to you.
I have a daughter your age. She has at least 4 freinds who moved out, and in with short term boy freinds. Only one of them was allowed back home when the relationship ended (and they all ended.) One of the girls was able to keep her job, the other three (including the one whose parents let her move back) weren't able to keep jobs to make enough money to pay rent, buy food ect. I do know some people who can do it on their own, but what you should be TRYING to do is doing it on your own. You are going from your mother's house to a boyfreind''s house, one who you have known only a short time. Maybe GET that full time job, work and save ALL or most of it for six months and then see how you like the working world and how you are able to save and still be OK. (If my dd wasn't in college at 20, she'd be paying rent, I know that.) Good luck. Part of moving out is growing up, not letting someone else take care of you. I am hearing that maybe this is what you are looking for. Try it on your own. you can always still date him and not live with him. If your mom decides not to let you home, and you break up, or he turns out to be a jerk and your only alternative is being homeless, things may seem different. Three months isn't long enough to know someone.
