ok so i've been wanting to go visit my friend in pittsburgh for a while, i'm about 200 miles away from her, and my bday was January 25th so i figured i would go around my bday, the saturday after my bday just happened to be my moms 60th bday so about a month ago i asked her what she had planned and she said she was going out to dinner with my dad, so i asked her if she cared if i would go to pittsburgh and she said no. fast forward to yesterday (the 25th, my bday) i was at her house, she cooked me dinner, all of a sudden my sister decides she is taking my mom out to dinner, along with my one brother on Saturday the 27th (my moms bday). my mom tells me that she doesnt want me to go to pittsburgh, its not a good idea, i have a boyfriend, i dont need to leave him to go party, blah blah blah.... ok i feel like SHIT.... i started crying, and i was like, "thanks for making me cry on my birthday" and she was like, "well you're going to make me cry on mine!" and i was just like, "Well why didnt you tell me you didnt want me to go when i asked you?" and she was like, "how was I supposed to know your sister was going to take me out to dinner?" and i was like, "how was I supposed to know?" oh and my sister also decided to plan this 2 days before my moms birthday(again, on my birthday). Now I'm getting ready to go to Pittsburgh tomorrow and I feel like shit about it. My other brother is bitching at me telling me i'm selfish (and he, by the way, is not going to the dinner) and I dont know what to do... What would you do? I mean, I feel bad now and everything, but I feel like she should have told me that she didn't want me to go at the time, you know? Even though it happens to be ON her birthday, it's still for my birthday,.... I cant cancel now, I just cant... This girl is my best friend, I havent seen her for months and she is sooo excited that I am coming down, she told her job that she couldn't work that day, her friends are coming out to meet me,,, all this stuff is arranged because of me and I feel like I would be a bad person if I didnt follow through. Well I feel like a bad person either way, I guess I'm just trying to feel justified. Am I wrong?
I think it was really rude for your family to put you in this situation. These plans with your friend were already established, and even okayed by your mom. Expecting you to just cancel your plans with your friend is selfish, in my opinion. I would feel the exact same way as you, and I would tell my family just that. Go visit your friend, and try not to feel bad. Maybe make a plan for you and your mom to have a special day together when you get back?
You can't make everyone happy, and you shouldn't be expected to change your plans at someone else's whim. It's okay to be a little selfish sometimes.
okay, Mom's 60th birthday is a very big deal, regardless what she said, you should have known better than to make other plans for that particular day. Now you've gone and made plans, and she wants you to change them to accommodate. Nobody wins this situation, no matter what you do. What I would do if I were you is make a big deal out of it and plan to do something really extra special with Mom the day before you leave for Pittsburgh. Then go have fun with your friend, knowing that you did not ignore your mother's special day.
She shouldn't have known better; people should say what they feel, and not expect other people to be mind readers.
IMO: family goes around eachothers back and back stabs eachother just to see how far they can get .. called competition
