i dont know if this is the raging hormones due to pregnancy or what but a month after i foudn out i was pregnant i have been feeling very useless,alone,hopeless, sad and disappointed...... i dont know if these feelings are from what i have been going through with shane or what but its getting me so down that for the past 2 nights i have been crying myself to sleep and each time i start to talk about my feelings or even think about anything to do with the pregnancy i get emotional and want to cry. here are some reasons why i feel the way i feel. I feel useless cuz i dont work i stay at home and take care of the house and aiden i am very dependant on shane and i hat that. Now with my complications with this pregnancy i am even more dependant on shane and his mom cuz i cant lift anything not even my son. i am a very prideful person and i love being independant but i havent been independant since the day i met shane 3 years ago and its eating at me and making me go crazy on the inside. i feel alone and hopeless cuz shane and i we dont have a relationship we have more of a coexistance ever since i got pregnant with aiden our relationship took a turn for the bad and has only gotten worse over time with a few added things (ie his mom living with us, being new parents). i swore to myself after having aiden that i would not have another baby until shane and i worked on our relationship and well the relationship had diminished into a coexistance. so now i feel that i am stuck with shane trying to make this coexistance work. i dont want to put all the blame on shane i mean i helped in this problem as well i never talk to him about my feelings and what i am dealing with. my reason for not talking to him is cuz he will some how make it aobu thim or just do alot of talking about his experiences and how he delt with it when i am looking for emotional support or condolence from him. i am sad and disappointed because i got pregnant beofre shane and i could even try and work on our relationship and cuz i keep thinking about not having the baby. i am having complications, placenta is attaching to my scar tissue from previous c- section and if i do any lifting at all i could risk the placenta detatching and then need an emergency surgery that could risk my life or the babies life. i keep thinking that if i have to have the surgery i wouldnt feel that bad if we lost the baby or if i died. i mean i am not getting any emotional support from shane at all but then again shane did think that his father was aiden's dad and needed a dna test to prove that his father wasnt aiden's father. also through the entire pregnancy he and i grew further and further apart and he only supported me by roof over my head food in the belly and thats about it. i feel that with this pregnacny the same thing will happen and so far i am right. if i needed support from him i would have to ask him to give it to me thats the type of person he is i have to ask him to do something for me that he should automatically do especially if you love that person right?????????????? thanks for letting me rant and vent and get this all out i needed it.
(((((((hugs))))))))) I so wish there were something, anything, I could do or say to help you feel better. This is your life. If you are not happy with the situation you find yourself in, you are the only person who can change it. Look deep down inside yourself. Meditate if you have to, but look inside, your answers are there, what you gotta do. It won't be easy, no matter what it is, but nothing worth having comes to us easily, you gotta work for it.
My best suggestion would be to look for some sort of couple's counselling (if Shane is willing to go, of course). If you have insurance that will cover a marriage counsellor, great. If you are at all religious, talk to your priest/pastor/whatever, or even shop around if you like your specialist for services but don't feel comfortable talking to him/her about your relationship. If neither, look around for cheap or sliding scale mental health facilities. On this particular issue, well, I have the same problem with my fiance. But, instead of shutting down on him, I call him out on it. The thing is, at least for my fiance, his response to me complaining about something is to try to find a solution. So he starts talking about how he or some friend of his had a similar problem, and this is how he/they solved it. And, well, frankly I often wind up going "what the fuck does this have to do with what I'm talking about?" So, yeah, it sucks that he doesn't just automatically know to give you the emotional support that you're looking for... But, it could be that he is trying to support you in the best way he knows how. My fiance and I have talked about this repeatedly, but he still does it sometimes... That's just how he functions -- when he's upset, he needs a plan, some sort of solution, so when I'm upset, he blabbers on about all this other stuff, trying to help me figure out a plan of how to deal with it, when all I want is for him to listen. So, my point is that, if you want to try to make this work, you need to talk to him. It may be that part of the problem of you not feeling supported is because he's making the same "mistake" that my fiance makes, providing the sort of support that would help him without understanding what exactly it is that YOU need. And, I obviously don't know what all you two have been through, maybe you've talked about this until you were blue in the face and have given up... But, it sounds like your only hope of getting the relationship back on track is to start really communicating (which of course needs to be an equal, 2-way street). And, I think that making that effort, so that you can either get the relationship working again or walk away knowing you tried your best, is going to make the biggest difference in dealing with the problems you described.
"i mean i am not getting any emotional support from shane at all but then again shane did think that his father was aiden's dad and needed a dna test to prove that his father wasnt aiden's father." What..The..Fuck? And, why are you with him? Does he trust you at all? I really can't believe this. Anyways, good luck to you. Pregnancy amplifies things, hormones or wake up call?
find your bliss is all i can say.. if you aren't happy with this shane character, just because you have children together doesn't mean that you have to have a life together.
